Hi all,

I just signed up today and read some of what you all have posted. I am going through a rough time right now. I am a married man, and just trying to find ways to cope with the difficulties of how other step-parents cope with being a "Step."

I have fallen so in love with my stepson, and don't consider him anything but a son to me. His father is active in his life, and as aggravating as the situation is to me, it is so difficult for me to go day to day everyday knowing so many things that just tear me up.

I know going into this relationship that I had a wonderful wife. I also know that there was an extra piece that came along with my wife and our son. The Ex. My Sons father.

I guess a little background on me is now needed. I honest to god feel as though i was put on this earth to provide for my family. My wife and I are attempting to have children together currently. I am probably one of the most chivilrous people you would ever meet. I honestly want the best for my family in every manner of the word.

Here is the problem now. In the past few months, my wife and I have had a few troubles. Those are working themselves out nicely. The problem I am having is that my step-sons father found out some of those problems and decided to re-pronounce his love for my wife to her. Obviously she rejected the unwanted comments. Now, he is doing everything in his powers to be around his son with my wife there at the same time. The timing is unbelievable because a few short months ago, he could not even have a combined birthday party between his side and ours for his son. We felt it would be best for our son, but he rejected for his own selfish reasons. Now all of the sudden he wants to be around them constantly. My wife is somehow blinded to this, stating how it is good for our son, but doesn't realize that one day, the father will take it a step too far, and in the end will end up hurting his child over it, and in some degree her as well.

See, this guy is a shmuck. He is 35 and lives with his parents, just now finally got a full-time job, and never once in the 6 years of his sons short life so far, had health insurance for him.

Right now, I am struggling with the fact that he has selfish motivations for spending time with the two of them, and also with the fact that I have just recently changed jobs, and am seeing my son half of the time that I used to. It is definitely better for my family that I am in this job, because of pay, and growth and insurance benefits, however, I feel like I am stepping away and watching my life cave in from a distance.

I am simply not coping with any of this well at all. I talked with my wife about trying to figure out ways to be able to spend more time with our son because of the tremendous time loss, and she tells me that she cant change the schedule of split time because I have no "rights." I love this boy as much as anyone else, and god knows I provide him with more than his father (my son sleeps in his fathers bedroom at the fathers parents house...he is 6 years old!!!!!!!!!!) but do I deserve to share my love just as much as he does?

HELP!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Hey,

I'm sorry it's taken me awhile to reply to this. I meant to reply before the weekend, but didn't and the weekend got all packed full of stuff to do.

Are you worried about the ex getting your wife back? If not, then you really can't do better than learning to not let them being together bother you. I know that it can feel like you're watching a bomb that's ready to go off, but jeez...raising kids is like that by itself. The ex making an ass out of himself in front of your son is just one of a million things you can't protect your kid from without stifling his growth.

It's good that you can talk to your wife about how it bothers you; she's gotta understand how it *would* bother you. Does the ex only hang around her when you're not around?

Uggh...I can understand how stressful it can be to trade time with the family for a better paying job. That topic could fill another thread though...

Later,
Bobby

Oh, thats sad that you are not able to get your share of space with your kid. Is it possible for you to change the place and move away from ur wifes X. that would be ideal. But hope it works with you.

that is harsh - i can partially understand - once being in a relationship with a single mom/daughter

i may get yelled at this for this ... but you may wish to establish some kind of relationship with the ex-husband. or at leat strike a deal of some kind.

i have not been his shoes, but remember the turmoil i felt when my ex's husband spent time with our son when my ex had visitation.

perhaps his feelings/personality will change - him living with his parents sure does not show maturity... but he is your step sons biological father. saying that i can say that my best friend is his step daughters 'dad' beyond the boundries of her biological fathers.

all you can do is take the high road, what else can you do? confront the situation the best you can. i would not recommend moving away from the situation unless all hope for a relationship between your step-son and his father is lost/harmful

=)