I think those who found a solution by using Daddy-whatever or Mommy-whatever have a good idea.

Jaydsdad, I think you have every right to be upset, but just keep remembering that Jayd knows who her daddy is.

Looking at it from a different perpective: my mother is very possessive of her role. My 2 year old calls my mother "Grandma" and her dad's mother "Boopa" (her choice, 15 yrs ago when her first grandkid was born). However, she also calls her half-sister's maternal grandmother "Mum mum", and my friend's mom (whom we live with) "Mimi". They all treat her wonderfully, like she was their own grandkid, although she's not as close to "Mum mum" (we only visited once, last summer, before I left her dad). My mother is appalled that I've introduced these people in this way, but as far as I'm concerned, it is harmless. I don't see it as any different than all of the family friends that I was made to call "Aunt" - I knew who my biological family was, but I also knew that there are some people who are as important as family. As far as my daughter is concerned, and as far as I am concerned, she has 4 grandmothers. That doesn't take away from the importance of the relationship between her and my mother; it just makes her a pretty lucky kid to have so many people who love her.

Perhaps a compromise can be reached - does Jayd call you and her stepfather both "Daddy"? Can she call him "Daddy-firstname", or "Dad", or "Father", or something else? I'm not aaying that your ex was right to insist on this when your daughter isn't ready, but maybe it would be easier on her if she could use a different name for each of you.

It sounds like you have a wonderful girl, and a wonderful relationship with her. Focus on that; a name is only a word, your bond with her is in her heart.

Well thank you for a nice response. I don't believe I've welcomed you so welcome.

My bond with my girl is strong. The issue is a thorn in my side but lately the thorn hasn't been as present since my girl has grown so much over the last year. She is turning into a young woman and is so much smarter than me in some ways.

It's a fun age, isn't it? My daughter's half-sister (see, there's no good accepted word to describe some relationships! I called her my stepdaughter while I lived there) was 10 when we met, 12 when we moved in... and the most amazing thing I've ever witnessed was watching her transform from a child into a mature young lady.

If you train your daughter to please her mother, you will train your daughter to please everyone else when her opinions should matter and that doesn't seem right to me. I know this is an older thread but I seen this and it got me thinking. I'm involved in a serious relationship with a new man. My 2-year old hasn't seen her father for 8 months now. He thinks he still needs time to get his life together (i will never agree with sacrificing my daughter for time to himself). Anyways, I told my boyfriend that I do not expect him to be her daddy since she has one (present or not) but be a role model and supportive. I will not force my daughter to call anyone daddy (not even her real daddy) if she doesn't want to. I will leave it up to her.

It may be hard becaus she'll be turning 3 when a new baby will be born (currently 2 months pregnant) and I'm sure the baby will be calling him daddy. It makes me wonder if she'll feel left out if she doesn't. I'll have to have a talk with her at that time. Right now it is too early.

I'm glad you spoke up mommy4life. I can say she isn't trained to please anybody right now. She just turned 12 and hormones have taken her and left an alien for a replacement.

The last year has held a lot of milestones for my daughter. I completely forgot about this thread until you posted. The issue had faded away as had the little girl when the young woman emerged. She is more than fully aware of who's who in her life. I am pleased at this. She is her own person and I'm proud.

Now how do I get this young emerging woman to stay within her boundries?

So I am glad you replied. It put a new perspective on how much has changed in such a short time in my child's life.

quote:

Originally posted by jaydsdad:
[qb] I would like some input from step-parents concerning an issue that has been a thorn in my side for some time. My x insists that my 11yr. old daughter call her step father "daddy". My daughter and I are very close and bonded so I'm not concerned for my identity, but I feel this is just wrong. I'm very active in her life. On one occassion, right in front of me, my x got angry with her when she referred to him by name and then blamed me for calling by his name. How do you step-parents and parents feel about this subject? [/qb]

JD, sounds like your ex has issues, I never asked my kids to call Graces mom, mom or mommy, and I never asked her son to call me dad. My oldest son called his first step dad, dad, and it didn't bother me, because he did it on his own, but his new step dad hs calls by his name. I think it tottally needs to be the childs choice.

Best of luck, Dali.

I agree, it should be the childs choice. I found myself in sometime like this about 10 years ago when my mom passed my dad married my aunt(no relation), Mothers day rolled around and he was annoyed I didn't send her a mothers day card. I told him flat out, because she is not my mom. As to if my kids want to call her grandma, I leave it to them.

Thanks Dali.

Well Jayd is 12 now and certainly her own person. When she was younger it was a thorn in my side since I was putting so much effort into being the best dad I could even at a distance. I felt I was being undermined. It's a non issue now. I'm proud of my girl. She has come through those first topsy turvy years with flying colors and now she is a young woman.

Geez Paul! How do you know when I'm posting? Good morning Paul. Simultanious posts again. I'm glad you decided to stay. You add a lot to the mix here. The fathers on this site are important. Their voices help to balance the opinions.

lol, your not the only one, i seem to have two other people here I post at exactly the same time with.