My husband & I met 15 years ago. He had custody of 2 children and so did I. The kids were 3-8 years in age, and the missing parents had not been involved in the kids' lives in the 2 & 3 years we'd each been divorced. The kids now are 19-24, and all but one is on their own now. All the kids got along from the start, but the older boy didn't like the idea of me becoming his "mom" and had to go to couseling to try to help him. Probably our biggest trouble was when the missing parents did call (once a month or once every 6 months) they would tell the kids lies and try to turn them against the family unit we had. When the younger boy turned 18 he fell in love with a rebellious sort and we saw things in our son that we'd never seen before. He was never trouble before this time. We ended up having to ask him to move out, completely unruley and disrespectful. He decided that everything bad in his life was my fault. 2 years have past since he moved out. We call to check in on him but he wants to have nothing to do with us. He has decided his bio mom is the only parent in his life who ever cared and that we did him wrong. Do we continue to be patient and forgiving, open for a relationship, and call to check on him like we have? Or do we leave him alone and let him figure it out for himself and let him contact when he is ready? What should I do? Give him what he seems to want and butt out of his life?

Hi AVR1962, and welcome to the board, I think that at that age, they very much have a mind of their own. I know what I was like at that age anyway. Do you love him? Obviously yes from your post. So I think I can assume that your door is always open should he have a change of heart. A very occasional check in call isn't bad, let's him know that you do still care no matter what.

The rest is up to him I suppose. I left home at 17 on very bad terms with my folks. After years had passed, we are closer than we had ever been before. I hope things work out between you in the end, in the meantime keep your head up, it sounds like you did well by him whether he realizes it right now or not.

Don

Don

Hi AVR,
You offered to mine and so I offer to you. My opinion; he's not a boy anymore, he's a man now albiet young and inexperienced but a man none the less and anyone can tell you, you can't teach a teenager because they already know everything. I think that because you ( and I mean no disrespect, it's obvious your love for him is great) you seem to to be the source of HIS issues, then maybe take a backseat until he matures more. Maybe this is where the term "angry young man" comes from. Hopefully, someday he will realise how lucky he truly was/is but until then, you must let him live and learn on his own. He's gonna burn his fingers a few times before he learns not to play with fire. When the time comes, be ready with the ointment.
With much respect, good luck.