I live in the San diego area. I have recently been informed by my daughter that she has been having thoughts of hurting herself. (and yes, I am seeking pro. help for her). I am on here simply looking for support of my own 9and yes, I am in theraoy as well).
My daughter presented me with little "cuts" on her arms Saturday night at bedtime. This happened directly after I caught her doing something which has been an on going problem. (on the cell phone with an older man whom she has met online). I have done EVERYTHING I can think of in dealing with this, from zillions of different restrictions, to taking her to the local sherriff station for a good talking to.....nothing is apparently getting through.
Although these "cuts" were very superficial, and not even bleeding, it is entirerly possible that if she continues this self abuse, it will get worse.
I am struggling with self blame...and guilt over this.
When she presented the cuts to me, my response was "I see that they aren't bleeding...wash them off right now...and go straight to bed"....After she left my bedroom..I cried myself to sleep, in hopes that I indeed handled this properly. She has not done it again.
I am numb...in tears.......Mary

This must break your heart. I know that this is becoming a more and more common thing. I dont really know what the solution is but have heard that this is a way for them to get out painful feelings and to get attention for something they are having trouble expressing. I dont think I can offer any advice on this--you are doing the right thing to seek professional help for both of you. Just be open minded to what the councelor is telling you. Do whatever it takes to get your daughter the help she needs.

moonaalady, You are not alone with this behavior. My daughter is still currently doing counseling due to cutting on herself. At first nearly 2 years ago it was very superficial cuts on her leg and trip to the school counselor asking for help, mostly a way of trying to grab her mom's attention. Her mom is too wrapped up in her own addictions to be a real part of her life. This also though continued a while later after my daughter realized that nothing really changed with her mom. Anyway, last year more things took place and I found that she had been cutting on herself more, worse this time so I went through our medical plan and saw a psychiatrist who put her on anti-depressants for a little while, and we had been going twice a week to group counseling for teens with destructive behavior. Just last week she "graduated" from those sessions, although by my choice we will still be attending once a week, since it's a skills class that still each week has had something new to teach in the way of tools for her to learn to cope with feelings/emotions/etc.
There are others here that have dealt or are dealing with this stuff also. I hope that you can find some good counseling for her. Please let us know how things are progressing, or any questions you might like to ask.
If I might suggest.....don't allow her the internet access for a while, or at least only while you are right there monitoring her activity. While she is obviously not making the right choices for herself it's just too easy for her to fall prey to so much of what can happen online.

Excellent point Don. She's extremely vulnerable right now, and in need of something she's not currently getting, which is why she's acting out this way. If she thinks someone else can give whatever it is she feels she's missing, there's a real danger she may run to that. And the internet, unfortunately, has no shortage of predators searching for prey.

The only help I can offer is to say a prayer for you, and for her. And hope that you guys figure this out together.

Dear Mary,
My heart goes out to you at a time like this. Self Injury is a difficult thing for a parent to deal with. It may be hard to understand why she is doing this and maybe I can give you a little bit of insight. Before i go any further i should tell you I am a single parent on this board who happens to struggle with self injury herself.
Often times a person begins self injuring because they feel they have no control over what is happening in their life. Self injury is a way to feel you have control of at least one thing. It is almost never a suicide attempt but often a desperate and last attempt to get someone to listen to you or understand how deeply you are hurting. It often begins around puberty and it only ends when this person learns how to deal and cope with emotions and life in a different way. You're daughter acting out may be a sign that she has emotions she does not know how to cope with and by hurting herself, even a little bit, she feels relief from the pressure. It is a way to take the pain on the inside and put it somewhere you can see it, somewhere you can control it, somewhere that is tangible. The sooner your daughter learns how to cope with emotions and talk through these feelings the sooner this can be worked through.
I know that its different for everyone. But self injury can go on for many many years if it is never treated. Im 22, a single parent, still learning how to cope because i never did get treatment when i was younger. And i still struggle with self injury. Its a hard road out of hell so to speak but the sooner she turns back to a healthy path the quicker she can get off that road and back on track.
I hope something i have said has helped, even just a little bit. There are a million places online you could go to to search for help with self injury. If she showed you the cuts it means she wants help, she wants to tell you, she needs to speak about how she's feeling, she just doesnt know how to articulate it.
If it gets too bad and she wants to learn how to cope consider S.A.F.E. Alternatives. It stands for Self Abuse Finally Ends. Its a treatment program in Illinois. Ive never been but i hear its good and its the only kind like it. Better to help her in the begining then wait for her to want it. Because the more she does it, the more she will hide it, and the easier it will be to pretend she's ok. The more she'll want to stay with this behavior because its a "quick fix" so to speak then actually work on whats bothering her so much.

Good luck and God Bless. If you need to speak more i have AIM ( SilverSadie292 ).

Sarah

I feel so bad for your situation. My 13 year old daughter had to end a friendship with another girl that was cutting herself because the girl is on a path of self destruction and my daughter ended up being in her line of fire. My daughter got hurt pretty badly.
But besides that, this is what I want to offer you. I feel the question that needs to be asked is not why is she is doing this but why isn't she talking enough to you to help you understand why. In other words are you talking to her or listening to her? She may have something to tell you but does not feel safe emotionally to give you this information.
Also the older man issue concerns me as well. Does she have her own father issues? Or perhaps maybe she has been molested. I'm just trying to offer ideas to you to help. My daughter's friend was molested and did not feel she could go to her mom about it.
Just some things to think about. I would hate for the self abusing to become self medicating later on. I wish you all the best. I know how hard it must be for you.
Good luck honey, Heather.

I echo what Silver Dawn said. I too have had this issue. It has been awhile but on bad days the thought crosses my mind.
I first did it at 13 and it is a control thing, when the world, your world,seems to be out of control. It is also a huge relief. you feel this pain and by causing it physically to yourself it in some crazy way releases it emotionally. I remember telling my dad and he did nothing, it flipped him out.
you are doing the right thing by addressing it and holding her accountable. I cant beleive how may pepole do this now. I dont recall ever hearing about anyone doing it when I was a kid it was just something i did one day and it IS hard to stop.
Just keep holding her accountable and telling her you love her as i am sure you are
Lifetime had a good movie about this a few months ago maybe you could watch it together???? long shot but I dont know your daughter.
Also there are great books out there that will give you more insight as well.
Good luck!
and DONT feel guilty, NOTHING my parents did caused me to do it.

Wow,.. this is another one of those very difficult topics. I do have a little experience with this only in that a lady I dated was still hurting herself,.. and she is in her thirties. She just recently began therapy to learn how to "manage her emotions" (her words). Her issues began at home when she was very young as well.

Moon,.. I am glad you are seeking out help wherever you can get it. That is what we do when something affects our kids isn't it. My friends mom never really cared. Be strong and hopefully with your strength and help she will get through this quickly. I am sure you have the support and prayers of everyone here.

And Sarah & Jaesmom,... you should be proud of yourselves for reaching out to others who need to understand this condition. Very brave and very commendable on your part. Maybe this will be your second calling in life??? (the first is being a parent isn't it?)

SOMETIMES THE BEST WAY TO HELP ONESELF IS TO HELP OTHERS INSTEAD !

Good luck to everyone who's life this touches !!!!