Single Family Voices - For Single Parents Online Single Parent Forums California Want 2 b happy but very depressed. . .|
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Board Member |
I'm 35 & have 2 sons (8 & 13). I just lost a lot of weight & hoped to maybe meet someone new (I was never married & both sons are from losers unfortunately). Well, I was lonely one night & hooked up with a guy I have liked for a long time ~ not knowing he's already "involved" - well now I'm pregnant again - I don't want to be alone with 3 kids. I have already been through the decision making process & will keep the baby but I feel like I'm worthless because I've never been married & there are no prospects - it seems everyone has had someone that really cares for them but I feel so lonely. The guy says he cares about me & wants the baby but as far as his other relationship, he's NOT ending it!! I don't know what to do. . . I'm so depressed & unhappy but again, I've already decided to keep the baby.
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Board Blazen Parent |
Sweetie, not all of us on here have that special someone in our lives. You're not alone. I recently decided to leave a relationship that he didn't want to end.
I know you're feeling alone and abandoned, but look into your childrens' eyes, they need you more than anything. That baby you're carrying needs you more than 100% right now. If you've made the decision to keep your baby, look for support groups and family members to keep you encouraged. I'm here if you need an ear or (((hug)))  |
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Board Member |
Thanks for your kind words, they really help right now! I've been going through agony & have decided to visit Planned Parenthood & see about abortion. I just feel so terrible & nothing I have decided has felt like the right thing to do! I feel the only way I will let this guy completely go is if I'm not pregnant by him anymore. I can't endure 9 months of heartbreak of him telling me he wants to be with me, yet he's still with someone else. I guess I need to set bounderies, but like a family member told me "It's a little late for that!" I should've been smarter, but I wasn't. It's a very upsetting, emotional experience. |
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Board Blazen Parent |
Whoa...sorry for just now getting back to you. I've been dealing with a lot myself (teenage daughter moved back home after an attempt at college), but your situation is far more important right now. Let me see my picture. I dated someone for almost 2 yrs, got pregnant and knew this person was the bottom of my shoe with nasty gum attached....Needless to say, I got the threats and so much drama from him when I told him I was pregnant. I had to make a decision. Do I have my child and forever have this fool apart of my life or do I do it alone? I chose life for my child. Yes, it's been a tough task, but I look in his eyes and know that I wouldn't change fate for anything. For the record, that arrogant fool has chose to be non-existent in our son's life. I'm not the one to push, primp and pamper anyone into doing something that don't want to do. I kept it moving! God has watched over all of us... Now back to you, NO JUDGING INCLUDED. You do what is best for YOUR life. No one can make that decision for you and I dare someone to make you feel as though the thought has never crossed their minds. It crossed mine and the nights I cried are still felt...it's called guilt of thinking about it (Sorry, not trying to put that on you. Just being honest about how I felt. If my son ever asked me about his conception in the future, I often wonder will I share the good with the bad.) My son is healthy and the JOY of my life....THE THOUGHT OF BEING THE FIRST WOMAN HE'LL EVER LOVE IS OVERWHELMING AND I'M TRULY HONORED TO BE HIS MOTHER. Don't allow your emotions to make the call. Unfortunately when we're carrying a child, time isn't on our side. DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU IN ALL ASPECTS. For anyone that thinks I'm promoting aborting a child. NOT!!!!!!!! This life choice is exactly what it is... A LIFE CHOICE! I'm here! |
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Board Member |
It's nice to hear your story. It sounds like you are completely over your son's father & are the one in control - that's great. That is how I feel about my 2nd child's father, however with this child I'm carrying I really hoped this guy would be the one. Well, I got off work to go to Planned Parenthood to inquire about the abortion (it was supposed to open at 10) & then I'd go back to work. Well. . . it was closed until 11:30 due to a staff meeting!! Was this a sign or what? I didn't want to go anyway & now I don't think I'll go back. I need to base the decision on my heart, yes, I want the baby, but I'm scared to death of being hurt again. Sometimes I'm very very strong & independent & sometimes I'm weak & tearful. I'm afraid I might let this guy in my heart again. He is trying to be a part of things (on his terms of course with no thoughts of giving up his "other" life). Well, I just have to try & stay tough & strong for this baby & you're right no one can really judge me (they can, but should I care - no). If no other man wants a woman with 3 kids, then so be it. I'll be fine if I try & keep my head up. I'm so tired of being depressed! By the way, how is it having a daughter?? I have 2 sons & don't know what it would be like to have a girl. Is she doing okay? Trying to decide which path to take in life? Good thing she has a mom to turn to for support. : )
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Board Blazen Parent |
Hello Luv, what a magnificent sign. As I stated, no matter what you decide, you are loved and you can do all things. Write me anytime.... It took time, but I did get over that hump (letting go of my son's father). And I still have moments when my son ask me questions, they come far and few now that he's all of 5 yrs...lollllllll It by no means is an easy task. Circumstances often dictate our decisions, albeit fear, loneliness, poverty, etc. We tend to cling to what is familiar. Sweetie, I've done it and I'm sure other have too. Its ok! Having 3 daughters...Wow, what a blessing. I have the gift of seeing three women grow up with me. I was a young mommy too... The joy of all of them laying in the bed with me, laughing about their days, lives, dreams, and goals. Then you throw my "dang, ain't no one in this house like me", son of mine in the picture and girl, its total chaos...   Having my 19 yr and seeing what life has to offer her in all realms is great, but frightening too. You want the best for all your children and I hope with the love and guidance I've given her that whatever decision she makes, that they are beneficial to her and not detrimental. I'LL LOVE HER ANY WAY I CAN HAVE HER. My children have 5 yrs between each of them, so girl, I get it from all aspects. Two teenagersssssssssssss, Lord, the drama, and my 9 yr old who thinks the world of her older sisters, yet still has that innocents of spending an afternoon playing Barbies with me. My son is forever reminding us that he is DIFFERENT and we should respect that....lollllllllllllll Being a mother of those four brings JOY to me at this very moment. You'll be just fine. You have that strength and courage in you. Here for you! |
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I am New to SFV |
Hi Sharesa,
I have and haven't been in your shoes. I'm 40 and I adopted my 1st child 18 months ago, a boy. I was reading your responses and I know what depression feels like. I have never been married, never had anyone love me that much. I'm a little depressed now but I am also lonley. I understand wanting someone to love you and it can make you do some thing without thinking. So far I have been strong mainly because whomever I get involved with has to be around my son and I only want good role models around him. We, MOMMY'S, are responsible for raising our sons so they become like the men we have been involved with..loosers. You are not weak, you just have weak moments just like me. Lonliness is a $^%&(, but believe in God and believe in yourself and you can make it. In regards to your baby (I don't nessesarily believe in abortion)do what is best for you. I wish you and yours blessings. Please remember, everyone makes bad decisions so don't beat yourself up. E-mail me if you would like too chat.
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Board Member |
Thank you so much for the nice thoughts; it does help the lonliness. I know I don't have to be lonely just because no special man loves me. . . it will all come in time & if not, I can still be happy with God's help. I guess now after going through all the agony of my decision, I'm worried about financial support. I found out that the man I was seeing lost his job. I don't know how I will support all my kids. But one of the counselors at Pregnancy Compassion Center told me God will open a door. . . I truly hope so because I don't want to take away anything from my other 2 boys with this new baby. I'm not sure how they are going to feel. Things will all get better from here, they have to. . .
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I am New to SFV |
I'm glad I could help in some way. Maybe you can get some type of assistance (depending on your income) when the baby comes. Maybe Social Service can pay part or all of your day care. Here in MO, even if you work you can get what they call WICK which gives you milk formula, cereal and juice. I was going to say buy clothing during off season but CA doesn't have winter. One thing that has helped me with clothes for my son is a children's only resale store. For your new little one that may help because kids don't ware their clothes out when they are that little. Get you a piggy bank that doesn't open and start a change bank (silver only). By the time the baby is born you will have enough money ($100-$200??) for a few tight moments(diapers, milk etc) or it could be just mad money. I don't make a lot of money and things do get tight but God alway's makes a way. I know another baby might not seen like a blessing but they are blessings from GOD and he will make a way. Just thank him everyday for the little things (waking up, food, a job etc.) and he will do the rest. Have a good one lady, it's almost Friday.
Peace 2 U!!
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Board Member |
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I am New to SFV |
[EMAIL]null[/EMAIL]I know how depression goes. I spent most of my days feeling lonely and thinking to myself if If I were rich I would feel different. If I were the boss at my job I'd love my job. But things have recently changed. I found (or should I say it found me) a company that was expanding nation wide, they have the best compensation plan I have ever seen and it doesn't interrupt my regular shedule, So now that I making significant money, I just spend time with the kids having fun all the time. I don't have time to be depressed. |
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I am New to SFV |
I am very, very single. I ended it with my son's father right before I found out I was pregnant. Now he is dating a 19 year old. I get the blues sometimes, we all do, but know that God has someone out there for you, and until you meet that person, learn to love yourself. |
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Board Member |
I've decided just today that I will get an abortion. I'm going to try to get the money together - it's about $600 & you know what, it's HARD to get that type of money together. Childcare will be $600+ a month!! The father of the baby called today, to tell me he's thought it over & can't afford another child (he has 5). . . & that I needed to get an abortion. I was crying but now I feel more at peace & empowered about it because I know that having HIS child will make me miserable. He even told me not to leave voice-mails because his "wife" will hear them. I'm not going to have a secret baby who won't be able to meet his/her siblings - it wouldn't be fair. I know it's a very hard decision, but I feel because I have 2 sons (who don't require childcare anymore)- I just couldn't do that to them, I cant even afford sometimes to give them $10 allowance. I just can't do this. I can handle the 2 of them, but I can't handle a third one.
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"Board Blazen Parent" Lively & Zealous Parent |
This is a difficult decision you have made. If you need to talk, send me, or someone else you trust here, a message. Don't force yourself to go thru this alone. We're here for you. |
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Board Blazen Parent |
Sharesa, My thoughts and prayers are with you and your sons at this time. This is an extremely difficult time for you, to say the least. I know someone will have something negative to say to me, but here goes.... You and only you know what you can carry, and if this load right now seems to hard, then do what is physically, mentally, emotionally, financially (I'm not including socially, because no one should be judging you) best for you and your sons (I think someone mentioned adoption, not sure). Raising a child alone isn't easy with one child. I've raised one to go out and find her destiny, now I have 3 at home. It ain't easy! The flipside of this site is that I've enjoyed chatting with all of you, but a part of me wishes it didn't have to exist. Is there anyone, anyone close to you that you can talk to, help you out, give you any type of support right now. You need more than a (((((hug))))). I'm sadden by "his" lack of help/support, dang, his whole attitude about this situation. I know you don't need to hear this, but if he's stressing you out more, try tuning him out. I know that's hard and you're lonely, but the stress is going to physically take its toll on you. How are your sons doing? I'm not near you physically, Sharesa, but if you need me, just send me a message and I'll either give you my number or vice versa. I'm praying for you, Luv. And, I've also been there!  |
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Single Family Voices - For Single Parents Online Single Parent Forums California Want 2 b happy but very depressed. . .
