Hello All,
New to the network and am finally reaching out to the rest of the world after acclimating to the trauma of dealing with a person who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder. Has anyone out there had to deal with this mental illness with an ex? It makes it difficult to begin anywhere with her since she is volatile and living a different reality and rationale.

Thank you,

Grapes

:welcome:

Grapes, this is just a greeting - since I have never even heard of BPD ... My ex has several disorders (undiagnosed) ... and I can certainly relate to having to deal with someone with a warped sense of reality.

Hang in there. You have found a great group here @ SFV!

I don't have an ex with bpd, but my sister has it and I can commiserate with you that loving someone with mental illness is very, very difficult. My sister has self-medicated all her life and been in and out of jail for various offenses. Mental health is so overlooked in this country and we have no functioning system in place for dealing with it so the mentally ill often end up on drugs or on the streets or in jail and sometimes like my sister--all three. I am sorry for the pain you have been through and I wish there was some great advice I could offer you other than recommending you join the local chapter of NAMI where you can meet others who have dealt with what you have experienced. Good luck to you.

I lived 18 years with a Bi-polar with schitso tendences, so its close. You are right to say they live in their own world, and they are the only ones right in their world. I am glad I am out of it, so are my kids.

Welcome Grapes,
You have found an awesome place here. Not all but a lot of people here have delt with mental disorders and will be able to relate to you.
It is tough with their own realities and communication is sometimes near impossible.
I wish you well and lots of prayers.
Feel free to jump in any where the friends are fine here.

Welcome Grapes,
I was amd still married to a BPD person. We have been seperated for 2 years and live at differant ends of the country. They will never end the relationship. It is horrible. I got this book called Stop Walking On Eggshells. That was very help full. I had to decide weather or not to bail or stick with it. She is not aware that she even has it. Most don't or don't want to face up to it. Their episodes are their reality and they really beleive they are valid with their behavior. Get the boo my firend it will really help.

Hi Grapes:

It is important to understand the BPD is not a "mental illness" it is emotional illness. You can research this to no end and then find a therapist who will tell you and her that you both need therapy for years. Truth is it won't help. The biggest struggles we share in life always seem to involve relationships. To label each other won't help. I have done this with my ex. I wound up hurting even more because as crazy as I though she was, I still had to deal with her for the sake of my kids. I became bitter, resentful, bla, bla, etc. Then a friend said to me you need to learn to foregive her or you will be like the jailer that is as imprisoned as the criminal who has to stay at the jail to ensure the criminal remains "locked up". A heart that can't foregive will NEVER be free to love again. Foregiveness is not foregetting. You still have to protect yourself.
Just know that if this BPD disorder is a correct "diagnosis" then by definition, when young, she was abandoned emotionally and never taught to truly trust, love, and simply grow up. She was deeply, deeply hurt. Shed tears for her my friend. Shed tears for you and your pain, BUT in time wipe those tears and move forward to your future instead of being stuck in your past.

Sincerely,

Mingo