I am the father and costodial parent of my 4 year old son. I have full custody of him. She comes in and out of his life as she pleases. She has a court order on her to pay support but doesnt. She just got married and is now pregnant by her husband.

My question is, is there anything I can do to get her out of his life. She doesnt care for him. My son tells me alot of times he doesnt want to go but i have no choice but to tell him he has to go .Its like she comes in and out of his life to get me mad. There is so much more she does and court tells her not to but it gets expensive always going back unless you have alot of evidence.I need advice please

bambam,
I think your hands are tied on this.
Any change to court orders as to visitation must go back in front of a judge to make those changes. Not likely he will decide to take away all of the mother's rights to the child if she isnt' willing to give up those rights. Though she is in contempt of court for nonpayment of child support, even that isn't typically grounds to take away visitation rights.
Not sure what else is involved when you say she keeps doing other things the court has told her not to. Do these involve drugs, alcohol anything like that where your son could be in an unsafe environement while visiting? If so you could at least push for supervised visitation.
Best bet in the meantime is to keep a calendar documenting everything that is taking place on a daily basis, even if it is that no contact occured on this day.
I'm in a somewhat similar situation, sole physical custody of an 11 year old daughter, with very sporadic visitation by the mother. I asked for full legal custody at the same time, but the courts wouldn't just grant that if the other parent isn't willing to give up that right. Mind you, her mother had just pleaded guilty to child endangerment charges due to drug use. I was given full control over supervised visitation, with the promise that I would allow it to a "reasonable" extent. It is just next to impossible to eliminate a parent's involvement unless that parent chooses to do so themselves. Aggravating at times? you betcha. One of the differences with us is my daughter does wish to see her mother on occasion, so that makes it easier to see that it is important to have that involvement in her life.

Wow! So many single dads. I went through the same thing with my daughter. My ex was a drinker. Unfortunately my custody battle lasted 4 years and was expensive. Make sure you write down on the calander everytime she misses a visit. This tells the judge that she is controlling your time. She is keeping you at the house waiting for her to pick up your son and doesn't show up and you could be doing something else. The judge I had loved my calender. They love documentation. Also, my ex and his wife got pregnant in that 4th year of the custody battle and after their baby came...he sort of fell through the crack. I think he just had too much to handle. A needy wife and brand new baby, he just couldn't hold up to the daughter he had first. Fine with me. He blames me of course and thats ok because as your son gets older he will learn. Believe it or not this is going to be positive for you. Here is why. My daughter was exposed to this negative behavior, she came home to a more routine, healthy, clean environment. She learned who takes better care of her. Also she learned how to spot a drinker and partier. She is 12 now and she can spot them a mile away and says things about that. Also,my daughter has higher standards for friends she brings in her life. Recently, I have had a hard time convincing her that her dad is not that bad a person, but she is old enough to think for herself and make her own opinions. So my advice to you is this..... Don't spend time in court unless you have documentation. It won't do a thing. Keep your negative comments to yourself and let your son know he can vent to you. Say things like I know, I'm sorry. Also say things like What do you think of that? Why do you think she says or does that? LET HIM THINK!! and tell you. That is the hardest thing to do but trust me, it will benefit you in the long run. It will let him vent without defending his mom. He is hurting that his mom doesn't put him first and he doesn't want you to confirm that. You probably already know all this but I went through this and it works. YOU be patient and wait. When she has that baby she will probably be in his life less and less. Expect it. You can't control what a judge says/does and you can't contol your ex but you can educate you child on safety and what to do if he finds himself in a scary situation. Keep us posted, Good luck.

My heart goes out to you and your son. I am a mother of two girls one 12yrs and the other only 10 months. I was married to the father of the 12 year old for 10 years. After the divorce he became really creul. For a little while he "acted" as if he wanted to be a good and active part of our daughter's life but over the years it became less and less. Just as we got use to him not being around, he would pop back in, get all the emotions going, promise my daughter things that I knew he would never do and then disapear. I was left with my daughter heart broken once again. After a while she started not wanted to go with him at all. He was remarried and when she went with him she was left with his new wife and hardly ever saw him. She HATED it and would beg me not to make her go. Unfortunately, the courts allowed it and you are right, it is really expensive to keep going back to court. The only thing I know to tell you is what my daughter and I did. We kept the communication open between the two of us. When she was younger 5yrs or so, I would write my phone number on a small sheet of paper and put it in her bag where SHE knew where it was. I showed her how to dial the number so she could call me collect. Some days we would stay on the phone for an hour and they couldn't complain about the bill. As she got older she began to see him for what he is... Now she is 12 and in the state of Mississippi, she DOESN'T HAVE to go if she doesn't want to. And she hasn't in almost two years. That was totally HER choice and I have let her make it. I guess what I am trying to say is your hands really are tied unless you can get some "major" new info. When he is a little older you may see if the judge would be willing to talk to "him". That helped a friend of mine a great deal. My daughter and I have built a strong bond through the years because of this situation and her and I sticking together. I wish you and your son the very best. I know it is hard and I wish I could give you a better answer. Just let your son know you love him and you are there and hopefully everything else will work the way it is suppose to.

For the responder that asked about drugs. I dont believe she does them but I have been told by other people that she does. My son has never mentioned anything but how would he know what they are. He hasnt even seen them on TV. The realtionship between my son and I are very close. He tells me everything even if he was told he shouldnt. One of the many things he has mentioned was were his mother lives is very filthy. She will not allow me to go to her place and see.

I want to thank everyone who responded to my message. things are really tough right know. She is making things tough for me. I will take all your advice and do my best. Thank you very much everyone.

bambam,
Yes I had asked about the drugs. Just thought maybe you were eluding to that with your comment about her doing things the court told her not to. With no proof of this, it could end up looking more like you are just slinging mud in court, so be careful of that.
Meanwhile I'll wish you the strength you'll need as there is no easy quick resolution to this for you I'm afraid. Stay positive for you and your son, and keep documenting for the future as you go, facts and maybe your sons emotions, your emotions and heresay stuff won't help you in court.
Another thing you mention she won't let you see how she is living. I'd call whatever agency is there in Texas and ask about this. In Cali we have Child Protective Services, as well as District Attorney Child Support Services. These agencies will have many legal answers to questions that won't cost you anything. It just seems that if he is describing filthy conditions that she won't even let you see, that somewhere along the line this can get further checked into, I know it would here just not sure how exactly that would work in Texas. Just something that might help you out. Many states would be recquired to look into complaints of living conditions where a child is involved so that it can be determined whether a child is in a safe environment or not.
Good luck man and keep your chin up,
Don

I just cant understand how parents can do these kind of things to their children ..especially a mother after carrying a baby for 9 months how can she not have a bond with your son. My three year old son is the most precious creature Ive ever seen. He is my gift from heaven. My problem is a little different than yours but my husband wont even go to court to divorce me!! still its better this way I quess since I dont have to deal with court and all. all I can say is be there for your son he needs you and although your ex doesnt show it remember there is nothing more beautiful in this world than your child..good luck and thanks for being a good example to all those dads out there who find it so easy to just walk away from their children. YOu sound like you really love your son and thats the most important gift you can give him ;b