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Single Family Voices - For Single Parents Online Single Parent Forums Custody - Visitation Custody Question|
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Learning to Surf The Board |
As I mentioned before, Mr. Wonderful wants nothing to do with his unborn child and with the exception of figuring out how I'll explain it, I'm actually a little relieved by that..
there are some other circumstances that I'd rather not go into detail about, but it boils down to me not wanting my child in his home at any point. (it's not the father that is a concern, but another member of his household). So here's my worry... if I were to get into an accident late in the pregnancy and die (or even become unable to care for it), but they were able to save the baby, is there anything I can do in advance to make sure the father is NOT given custody of the child? I know the odds are slim that anything WILL happen, but that is how important this is to me. I asked him once to sign a document waiving rights to custody and he refused. I don't know why, unless he's just putting on a performance right now, and intends to be a thorn in my side later... -eternally paranoid. |
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"Parent on Board" Parent on Board |
Were you and your ex split up before or after you got pregnant? I'm just asking cause me and my girls dad were not legaly married when I had them and he had to sign a paper agreeing that he was the dad, I guess the best thing to do as far as the custody thing would be to talk to a social worker, tell her/him your situation and why you don't want the baby to go to it's dad if you die (god forbid)they should be able to tell you what you can do.
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Board Member |
DO NOT LET HIM SIGN THE BIRTH ACKNOWLEDGMENT AT THE HOSPITAL!!!!!!! Trust me you will save yourself sooooooooo much agravation. That way he has no legal rights to the child at all. If you are talking about before you have the child then definetly ask an attorney or legal aid. I pray for your pregnancy that everything works out. Just be careful of these men that say they want nothing and then demand everything when they see the child. |
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"Parent on Board" Parent on Board |
There are also things you can write - sort of like a will - to say who gets custody of your child in the event your are unable to care for him. You need a lawyer to do it but I don't think it costs much.
I knew of a woman who simply wrote a note and had it notarized. It held up in court at first but the father fought for custody against grandma and the judge granted it. So I would not let him sign the birth acknowledgement at the hospital and then I would go to a legal web site and find out how to set up a custody arrangement. I would not even mention him in the arrangement but simply name the person I want to have custody. |
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On the Board |
I've always wondered the same thing. It's not that the father, in my case, shouldn't see our son, he's just not competent (sp?) to care for him on a day to day basis. (boy do I have stories) I've told my family what I'd want, but I doubt the ex would agree on paper, at this time. I've told my family how I think things would best be handled to get him to agree to let my sister have custody in the event of a tragedy (visitation would continue), but I was told that nothing in writing would hold up if the father didn't agree to it. Does anyone know of anything different?
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"Parent on Board" Parent on Board |
If you are the custodial parent, I would write it anyway and state the reasons in it and have it notarized. That way, he will at least have to fight for custody and maybe he won't.
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Learning to Surf The Board |
only problem with him not signing is then I am not entitled to child support, which I desperately need. I am far below poverty level, while he is quite affluent. At the same time, he'd have the right to demand a paternity test anyway to prove his fatherhood, so would that help in the end anyway?
I'm gonna get kicked off in about 2 seconds- I'll have to come back later.. thanks for the thoughts! |
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On the Board |
You can have a living will drawn. The will must be specific. If should say something to the effect that if your are incapacitated that X has the right to make your legal decisions for you.
Furthermore, once you die,the living will becomes void;however, you can still make a will that will handle the custodial and guardianship arrangements for the child. Go to Findlaw.com and look up wills. It will help |
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"escalators can never break. They can only become stairs.." Setting New Standards |
Take out a HUGE life insurance policy on yourself, putting your child as the benificary and a trusted adult to be the trustee of your estate. Then go to a lawyer and have a living will drawn up with the trustee as the guardian of your son. If something happens to you, and your X contests the will, it will appear to the court that he is only after the life insurance policy. Dirty, but if it can be proven to the court by wittnesses that he has wanted nothing to do with the child until he found out about the ins policy, it will make him look like a gold digger. If he wants visitation, allow visits only in your home. Don't deny visits, it will make you look bad if he takes you to court for visitation.
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"I want back in the closet" Lively & Zealous Parent |
Another thing, make sure your child sees the person, who you want to have your child, alot. I say this since my aunt and uncle got 50% custody of there sons son, because they had always seen him more than his own mom did. They did have to go to court but the court deemed that his grandparents were such an important part of his life, that they should get 50% custody and his mom the other 50%. I have been told that since my son and I have lived with my parents for 5 years and my son never lived with his dad, that my parents would get my son, since it would seem the least disruptive to his life, his dad would still get visitation. I'm moving soon but hoping if something does happen, the courts will look at my will and at the fact my son lived more with his grandparents than with his dad.
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Learning to Surf The Board |
Leftover-
very sneaky, but I like it! and perfect since he's obsessed with his money - claiming I'm after it, even though I have never asked him for a penny. |
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