One of the biggest things that has kept me from leaving my fiance is fear of losing my son. So I really need some opinions here.

My fiance has been very emotionally abusive in the past and somewhat physically abusive. But the physical was never enough to leave a mark and I have no documentation at all. I don't want him around Jacob that much because he already gets very short with him. If jake cries he tells him to shutup (he is only 6 months old!), and he may watch jake for 10 minutes but that's generally about it before he gives him back and says he's "done with him." He also has a 100% different parenting style than me, and I really want Jacob to be raised with me rather than his father. Alex (his father) is quite ok with just leaving Jacob in a room to cry when he THINKS he's tired even when I say he's not. If I didn't go in there to get him I'm sure that my fiance would leave Jake in there for extended periods just to get him to go to sleep when he's not even tired. And that's only scratching the surface of our parenting differences.

The main reason I'm worried of losing Jacob is that Alex is much more "well off" than me. I'm 21, didn't go to college, no car, no job (right now). Alex is 25, bachelors degree, nice car, and he makes between 40-50k a year. I've also heard that the person that leaves is typically the one who is looked down upon. But I don't have the option of kicking him out, because our apartment is in HIS name. Also, someone told me (I live in NC) that if I leave with Jacob it can be considered kidnapping since Alex is on the birth certificate. Does anyone know if that's true or how I can find out if it is? I don't think he would ever try to get me for kidnapping, but it's ridiculous that I could be charged that way when leaving an abusive situation. If I got in contact with the domestic violence hotline or talked to the people who run a 'safe house' (for those leaving abusive situations) will that look better on my part?

I need any help I can get with this, I can't lose my baby....

Christi, I have been reading your posts and have wanted to comment, I am just not sure what to say as I have never been in this situation. I can't say for sure whether you would get custody or not, but I am betting the odds are in your favor. I want to urge you to reach out for support. I am sure there are resources in your area, maybe http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/states/ncdv.shtml
or try legal aid or something like that.

Christi income and housing should not be the determining factors in custody, it is the emotional bond that counts most. Also the mother is favored in custody cases even tho most states say that they do what is in the child's best interest.

Seek legal advice, but I don't think you have anything to worry about. Since you are the mother I don't think that they could get you for kidnapping your own child, both parents have just as much right to the child, but you would need to set up a time and place for the dad to see him.

quote:

Originally posted by Mamma_Christina:
Also, someone told me (I live in NC) that if I leave with Jacob it can be considered kidnapping since Alex is on the birth certificate. Does anyone know if that's true or how I can find out if it is?

Nope. You were never married. You may need to try to get an emergency cusotdy order though to prevent him from being able to take your son. Legally, right now, neither one of you have more right than the other. I saw a lawyer in Raleigh but you may be able to call social services and see if they will can suggest a good resource to find a lawyer.

How do you go about an emergency custody order?
I honestly highly doubt Alex would want him since he tried to get me to give Jake up for adoption and he doesn't even begin to have time to take care of him (sans sleeping he's only at home an hour a day - which is when he's getting ready in the morning.). But "just in case" I need to know what to do. Keep in mind I don't have much money, and by "not much" i mean maybe $40 until I get to my mom's and am able to get to work.

It is something a lawyer has to arrange for you. Best bet, contact social services to arrange for representation. Takes longer sometimes but it costs nothing. Plus, you can go ahead and file for child support while you are down there.