As frustrating as it is, we as single moms need fathers in our childrens' lives. However, sometimes it just feels like our children can do much better without the biological father's presence. Here is my question and/or issue: Start from the ground up: I lived in NC after graduating from college, where my son was born. His father, at first, wanted nothing to do with him. Would not interact with him. I had to pretty much force him to watch him while I worked overtime to pay the bills (living alone). It wasn't until I found out my son's father was cheating on me (a year later) that he started taking interest in being a part of my son's life. He would take him and most of the time leave him with his mother while he did other things. Then he took me to court for custody when my son was two and a half because I took him to court for domestic abuse.. that's another story. Not enough evidence.. case went no where..
Anyway, We settled out of court on visitation schedule 60/40 and settle on joint visitation. He then began abusing the situation. Picking him up from school against court orders or my acknowledgement. Not helping with daycare fees, not babysitting for me so I can work weekends and verbally abusing me for no reason. I couldn't take it anymore. A job was offered to me in NY, where I was orginally from and my father asked me to move back home with him. Must needed relief. One month after I left, my son's father took me back to court for custody again saying that I violated a court visitation order. The judge slapped me on the wrist for leaving, but did not force me to move back.. afterall, I moved for the well being of my child. I made $10k more per year and had the physical family support that I did not have in NC. Now he gets 1 month and a half of summer visitation plus some other holidays which I am not complaining about, but I do need to modify the order to change dates and add a clause allowing the local police to interfere when I do not get my son back to make the trip back to NYC (driving 8-10 hours). Oh, yeah, the slap on the wrist was I am now responsible for getting my son to and from NC for visitation. That has to change. How do I change it? It is driving me into the poor house, literally. I am debating filing for bankruptcy. I do not get sufficient child support to support school, medical bills, rent and travel expenses. There has to be relief. I have pleaded with my son's father, but he tries his best to stick it to me everytime just because I left him. By the way, the reason why I left him is because he had another baby while he was suppose to be with me. His second child lives in NC also and has not had any contact with him since his birth. But continues to harrass me 900 miles away. It has been three years now since the separation, so to speak. I know I was a little long winded here, but .. and advise.

I just need a new visitation order without the expense of an attorney or the expense of traveling on my part. He needs to once in his life take the initiative to see his son.

Hmmm. I do not know if you can get a new visitation order w/o a lawyer but why not go after more child support?

For a new visitation order you will need to file with the courts again. What I'm not real sure of is...I think you can now file in the county you are living in since that is where the child now mainly resides.
Since you moved from the area he was in originally I'm not so sure you can get it changed that you are recquired to provide transportation.
Hopefully someone else will chime in that has some experience with state to state visitation, relocation and such. I would figure that, since you know he will likely contest the changes you are seeking, that you would want some sort of legal representation.

if the case is settled in NC, you can open a new case in NY to change some things, but I do not see you getting the transportation thing changed as that is your punishment for moving, as stated by another judge. That is just something you will have to accept as part of the deal. But the main thing here is for you to understand that you do not have to have a lawyer to do anything about custody. I've never had a lawyer and I am doing just fine. Chances are if you are making more money than him and you can't afford a layer, neither can he. Go to the court house in NY and talk to the court facilitator, they can tell you what your options are. I think it's a good idea to try to get the child support higher to compensate for having to do the driving. Take him to court, don't settle out of court. Settling the first time is what is making me have to go thru court again a second time. I plan on never doing this again.

I, too, have learned my lesson on settling out of court. That will never happen again. The thing about his lawyer... he has one and she is a total bull. He most likely has his family funding his lawyer fees. I don't have such preveledges. I have spoken to a NY official and they told me to have the venue changed. That is the only way that I can amend the current order. Can I just start a new case here? What exactly would I be starting since a visitation order has been establised out of state and a child support order has already been established? By the way, I have requested an increase in child support... he was not working for the past two years. The judge just resently reversed the decreased pmts from his unemployment check back to the initial pmt calculated with our old incomes and expenses. I have been on the cs rep to increase the pmt, but they can not re-evaluate my new expenses without him showing up for court, which he is not doing. Keep your fingers crossed. I am talking to a lawyer this week down south. I can no longer drive down because of lower lumbar issues. If I keep driving, I will be raising my child from a wheelchair. Doctors advise.