Hi there -- I was wondering if anyone had any information they could share with me. In general, are non-custodial parents allowed to talk to your child's teachers? What is the general policy? Or does it depend on the custodial parent?
The reason I ask is this -- I'm a non-custodial mom, and I sent a note to my son's teacher apologizing that I couldn't attend his parent-teacher conference (my ex said I could come, but our relations are still a bit dicey so I thought it would probably be best to not go since he would be there). Anyway, I just wanted to send a friendly note to my son's teacher apologizing for not being there, explaining why, and letting her know that I would love to meet with her in the future. She has totally ignored my emails and won't return my calls!
Any thoughts?
I'm on really good terms with the kid's stepmom and she doesn't know what's up, so I was just wondering if anyone knew what general school policy is.

Thanks in advance
Maya

Hi Maya,
Suggestion here. Try getting an appointment with the guidance counselor. Ask that your childs teacher be present. My ex has done this on several occasions. Things are a very dicey here. In the county we live in .. the non-custodial parent can provide stamped, self addressed envelopes to the school to forward copies of school documents (report cards, progress reports, etc.). Just keep showing that you want to be an active part. Maybe she has a stigma about non-custodial moms, maybe your ex has said something, or she does not understand and wants not to step on anyone's toes. Keep trying. I would go the counselor route. Maybe even the principal.
Good luck!
Carla

Maya,
Carla has given you good advice to try. You might get further with the teacher in person. Some teachers aren't necessarily good about returning phone calls etc outside of regular hours while other teachers are more inclined to do so. By arranging a meeting by appointment you should be able to get your questions answered.
When I first got custody of my daughter, I gave explicit instructions that her mother not be allowed to contact the school or her teacher, as well as not be allowed to leave the school with her. I don't know that it is the case with you, but you'll certainly find out if you contact the office staff and request an appointment to go down and discuss things. It could be just a teacher that isn't so good with communicating outside of the regular channels.
Good luck.

Maya,

I am not only a single mom but I am also a teacher. I can only tell you what I do in these situations both as a parent and as a teacher. As a parent, I have never had to deal with "dad" wanting in on anything. He only gets in on something because I invite him. His children will be attending the same school as our son next year, so he may run into Zane's teachers or even Zane in the hallway, but for the most part, he doesn't get involved in the school aspect.

As a teacher, I have had to deal with several situations like yours. In fact, I have one now that I am dealing with. I really try to accomodate all parents (custodial, step-parents, grandparents with custody, etc.). I send 2 copies of things. I set up appointments with both sets of parents at different times. Normally, if there is a problem with a student, I go to the parent who has custody or whom the child lives with most of the time. If a non-custodial parent wants a conference, I set one up, but I don't go to them with my concerns unless the other parent asks me to. Also, if a parent is to not have contact with a child, that child has a "red dot" on their file. If someone tries to come and get the child from school, this code comes up and alerts the office that only certain people are allowed contact with this child.

A suggestion (as a parent) would be to speak to your ex about your concerns for the teacher. School is almost over for the year, so maybe the situation will be different next year. As a teacher, I would suggest that you drop by the school and either speak to the principal about the situation or set up a conference through the office. In my county, different schools do things differently. You didn't mention the age of the child, but middle/junior high teachers may set up conferences through a guidance counselor where as elementary/primary teachers set things up themselves. If you don't get any satisfaction with this method, I would strongly suggest the principal or assistant principal become involved. There may be something in your child's file or some policy from the district that restricts the teacher's contact with non-custodial parents.

Hope this helps!

Shelley

Hi there! Thank you all for the great suggestions! My son's teacher finally did get back with me and we had a really good talk. She even offered to set up my own parent-teacher conference time so that she could get to know me and his stepdad a little better. I'm also going to try arranging to have all school correspondence sent to my house as well (i didn't know you could do that)!

Thanks for the sanity check, ideas, support and insight!
Maya