Hello Folk
I am new here. I have been reading the post and I think this site is great. I am a single father. I have a 1 year old. My relationship with the mother is not good. We dated more then three years and our relationship ended right when she got pregnant. When my boy was born she was very controlling as to what I did or where I could take him and so forth. Now she is in another relationship and she literally dumps him on me. She does not spend time with him and on the weekends I watch him now. We have created a bond and he loves hanging out with me. when I drop him off, it kills me to see him cry. Now I have concerns, I feel that she will again try in the future to control my visitation and I was wondering should I just go and start the process of joint custody or visitation. To let you know I would love to have him fulltime. I am stable in the community, good job, plenty of family to support me if needed. I just fear that when she sees that I am doing OK by not being with her that she may flip and become controlling. Advice

Welcome to the board. There is a lot of support here for people who are willing to ask questions. It looks as if you have just started asking, good for you! In my opinion, it is in every parents best interest to have a legal agreement on visitation, custody, etc. It shows that you want a proactive role in your sons life.

You should definitely go ahead and do that! First of all, it is very wise to have every agreement in formal writing, second of all, it would ease your mind a little bit and help erase some of those "What if she...." questions in your mind. If you take legal action to come to some sort of compromise about custody of your son, you will have the comfort of knowing that if she does try to take him away, you can fight that. Good luck!

Hi Carl, and welcome aboard.
I also think that in a situation where there are concerns whether routine visitation/custody can be worked out amicably, it may be best to have it set up through the courts. It takes all the guesswork out of it and is legally binding. A judge would decide what is fair between you and her, so she couldn't suddenly change that agreement on a whim.
On the downside, it takes a while to go through the court system, and just filing those documents may also cause some tension. In the end though there would be clear drawn out custody and visitation schedules that would need to be followed regardless.
Just so you know, it generally takes proving the mother as unfit to get full custody like that.

Don

Also, I have moved this to custody-visitation forum, you should receive a notice that it was mvoed.

Hey Guys
I appreciate your input. My ex is the kind of person when she is upset with me she has no compassion and would use my son to hurt me. I want to take a little of that power away from her. I want things to be straight forward. If I have to do this then I need to get moving. My boys stability is paramount. He needs to know his father and I am willing to be there for him. I want more then just reasonable visitation. I wish it could be easy.

We all wish that things involving our children's happiness could be easy, but they just aren't. You definately need to get the ball rolling w/ an iron clad custody agreement. If she could be amicable about it, you could use a moderator and it wouldn't be as expensive or take so long. Just something to consider if you think she won't try to double cross you. A moderator's judgement is just as legal as a judge's. You are already headed in the right direction. Good luck.

-Jennifer

CYA, comes to mind.

You have every right to file a petition for joint custody. Keep times and dates written down...that's key...

Welcome to the boards...You'd be surprise how much you have in common on here, and know that you are not alone.

Love