I am the single mother of a 13 month old son. His dad has only seen him three times and that was before he was even two months old. Then his dad disappeared and went to prison about 3 months after disappearing. For the first five months he was in prison he didn't make any contact with us. I sent him a letter, so as not to lose track of him when he got out. He is getting out this month and wants to see his son. My question is: Do I let him see my son knowing that he will probably be the kind of father who comes and goes as he pleases and who will probably be in and out of my son's life for the rest of his life (He has a past drug problem and I don't see him staying sober for more than a few months at a time), or do I not let him see our son at all. Is it worse to have a father who's not consistent or to not know your father at all? Thus far, my son has had a well rounded life with positive male role models i.e Grandpa and Uncles. Any advice or personal experiences are truly appreciated

let your grampa and uncles and yourself let the childs father know that the only imput that will be tolerated is positive ones with love no exceptions..good luck to you

I would let him see him but I would let him know that he needs to be there all or none.

My dad came and went when I was younger. he just wasn't ready to be a responsible parent. I think that hurts more because the children think they did something to make daddy mad or stay away. I say if his own child is not enough to try to get his act together, then what business does he have really being an influence. Also, every son admires their father. As a man, they want to be like dad. Is he who you want your son to be?

I don't share personal experience with this, but my reaction to reading your suggestion of not allowing the father back into the child's life is of concern - I wouldn't want the child to blame me for the lack of relationship between child and father - I would rather the child figure out for himself that dad is a deadbeat, hard though it is.

Wow, that's a long sentence!
Tiffany

hi, av just read ur post. u might not see this but if u do good.
im 17years old and ive never met my biological father, ive lived with my mam and step dad since i was 3 and tbh i miss my dad, or what i think should be a dad, i dont want him to be here and i will never replace my step dad with him if i ever meet him but im so upset that he wasnt part of my life,

i would have loved to know what he looked like, he seen me wen i was 2 but i cant remember then at all, beleive me i wud rather of had a father that came and went than a man who i dont know, because at least with someone who comes and goes u no their like that and wen ur older can make them see what they put u thru but with someone who might not even no who u r wen they meet u u cant do that, because it dusnt workk, they dont know u and dont care by that point...

i will meet my dad one day, im determined to find him with or without the help of my mam, it hurts me too no i dont see him like my little brotha sees his mam because he sees her mayb 3 times a yer and is happy

well av ranted on a lot but i thought u shud no

good luck in whateva u choose to do
nyomi