I'm a divorced father with 50% custody of my 11 year old daughter. I have her for one week, then she goes to her mom's, then she comes back to me for a week, etc.

I'm unemployed and looking for full-time work. I'm anticipating a major problem, though, when I find a job. I don't know how I'll be able to squeeze in an 8 hour day, plus commuting time, between the earliest I can drop my kid off at school and the latest I can pick her up. (I already feel bad about not spending the maximum amount of time with her, but an unemployed father isn't doing her any good.)

For example, I can take her to school around 7:30 AM and pick her up as late as 5:30. That's a 10 hour window. But around here (central NJ) commuting can take 1-2 hours each way. I'm willing to work through lunch, but the stress of getting to work on time and hoping I can leave on time to pick her up will wear me down every day.

Hopefully, I'll find a sympathetic employer who'll let me do some telecommuting or work out some flextime arrangement. But I'm trying to prepare for the worst.

I'm sure I'm not the first guy to face this problem. I'd love to hear about some solutions others have come up with or any advice that might help.

Thanks!

You can probably check into local daycare providers. Some will drop off and pick up from school with extended hours to give you a little more leeway for commute times. I know what you mean about the New Jersey commute, I have a friend there that sometimes calls on the cellphone while stuck in traffic.
I have my 11 yr old daughter fulltime, and even being a self employed contractor made for some hectic schedules getting her to and from school for a while, I could be right in the middle of hooking up plumbing or something and have to run to the school to pick her up and go back to the job to finish up. It's getting easier these days, since school is just a couple blocks up the street and she walks with neighbors to and from. Still means I need to try to be here after school.

Hope you get it worked out alright.

If you don't want to put her in daycare because money may be tight at first. Higher a college age babysitter who has a car to pick her up, take her home and start homework and possibly dinner so its ready when you get home. This way her homework is done or at least started so you can have a nice dinner and quality time with her before bed. A good place to find a babysitter is citysitter dot *** .

Shannon

[QUOTE]Originally posted by sdbrenner:
[QB]
First off, and most importantly, reassure your daughter that you will work this out. You may not believe that entirley right now or even during - but it is so important that she not feel a burden or at fault in anyway. Getting to work on time is by far one of a single parents greatest challenges. I deal with this daily. I agree with setting up childcare that accomadates early drop offs and late pick-ups. Also, express your situation to the center, they may be able to resource out a neighbor or someone in your community that could help. The key is to not go at it alone- seek out your resources. I've always found it empowering and it helps with not feeling sorry for myself or my situation. Good Luck.

I'd like to first commend you on all of your efforts. Most times, fathers are painted in such bad lighting that it jades our vision of those who are working above and beyond to ensure that positive rapport with their children.

All of the above advice is wonderful. I admire the fact of you knowing that "a non-working father doesn't help out much." Vice-Versa, people...smile I'm not saying all fathers and am definitely not jaded by any means. Personal experience does give me some insight on how the tables turn. I tend to feel that the harder I work and achieve, the less my ex wants to work or participate in the responsiblity of our children.

Best Wishes to you.

Check into your local daycare services...I think the college babysitter idea is excellent.

One luv...

I want to thank everyone for the encouragement, advice, and suggestions. I do not consider myself to be the typical "uninvolved" father. I love my daughter dearly, and even took a 9 month leave of absence after she was born. My (now ex-) wife went back to work (she's a workaholic with a capitol 'w') and I stayed home, bonding with the baby. My relationship with her is much stronger than the one she has with her mother.

So I want to spend as much time with her as possible, and feel terrible guilt when other obligations get in the way. I'd love to find a great, well-paying job 3 miles from my home. THAT would make life easy! But I have to be realistic and understand that I may be facing a long commute. So having some ideas on how I can get my kid to and from school is helpful.

As one person suggested, I checked out s-i-t-t-e-r-c-i-t-y-.-c-o-m, which links sitters and parents. Unfortunately, the $40 one-time signup fee, plus the $5 monthly fee, seem a bit steep, especially because the web site does no background checks or certifies the sitters in any way. Luckily, I'm only about 10 minutes away from Rutgers University. So I may try to find some college students with a car who could perhaps handle the after school pickup.

If and when I work out a great solution to my challenge, I'll post it here. Thanks again!