Hello, I am new to this forum, and I am needing the advice of a non friend/family member..I am married, but have a son from a previous relashonship, we were never married. My son is 7 years old. His father has been calling me on and off for about 3 years now, and the last time he has seen him he was a little over 1 yrs. old. He is wanting to meet him, pretty much for the first time. He pretty much has not been in his life for about 6 yrs. I really dont know what to do. My son has a very fullfilled life,and I dont want him to get hurt. His father pretty much call's when it is convenient for him. His father has told me that since he was off doing his own thing, he didnt want his son around, he was doing drgs and hanging out with low lifes, but now he thinks he is ready to meet him. The thing is, I dont really trust him. He has never stuck to his word, and I dont want to introduce them, and then his father decides he wants to mess up again and dissapear. Now, what really bothers me is that *Father keeps telling me that if I dont let our son see his Dad, he will grow to hate me. He says that his son needs to know his Dad. he say's if I dont agree to it, when he gets older, he will tell him that he has called to try to see him and he will hate me. But the thing is, he wants us to go to him. He doesnt work, and has never made a move to come to us. My whole family keeps telling me that he is sorry and that my son is better off without him, but I do agree, he does need to know at least WHO his father is. But then again, I wish he would just leave us alone. And he has a whole nother family that I know loves him, but I dont want my son to get hurt. Would I be a bad person if I say No, he will not see you until HE is old enough to decide for himself, or should I let him go ahead and *** for himself what kind of person he is? My son is my whole world, and I would do anything to keep him from getting hurt, even if I do have to be the bad guy. Should I let him meet his father for the first time even though he might not stick around?

cirblueskyz,

Is your son aware he is not his step father's child? How much he knows would really base my answer.
From the outside looking in, and with the info you gave here, I think a supervised visit may be the best. I feel yes, he needs to know who his father is, if only by one visit. You need the opportunity to never be the bad guy in his eyes, in the case of his father. I know we all want to not have our children hurt but, they learn so many valuable lessons and who to come for when they need comfort and understanding.
Yes, he could find out years from now that you prevented him seeing his father and not understand. You could be there during supervised visitation in a public place and your son can draw the conclusions for himself (give him credit for being able to do that).
Maybe he will go away. Maybe he won't. Hopefully he has "turned over a new leaf". I hope this is the case for you and your son.
I wish you luck.

:welcome:

HELLO
Your story sounds like mine.I have been with the guy, I am with since my son was about 7 months old and. My son is going on nine years old and the last time he seen his father he was also about one years. So nine months ago his father just walked up to my back yard and hugged my son and said hi. I am your father, I was boiling because my son does'nt know him.I think he should of found another way to contact me. My son know my husband is not his father. Because when he was old enough to understand, I told him about his father. Well after that he called us and stated that he was sorry and. Wants to get to know his son, so me and my husband talked it out and decided to give him a chance. He was calling my phone everyday and leaving messages.So we called him back so we can set a place and time. He stated he was going to call us back saturday, that was back in june have not heard from him since. Even after my experience, You should still give your son father a chance. Like the last person stated you don't want your son to feel like. You prevented him from knowing his father. If you do decide to give him a chance, I hope that it works out better them my situation did.

Could they meet without your son having to know immediately... if he chooses to stay in his son's life he can then introduce himself as dad... but for a first meeting maybe make it very casual, at a park or somewhere on public grounds?

I would agree to have your son meet him ,but only if the father agrees to remain anonomyous. Then if the bio. father sticks around and actually makes an effort you could explain to your son about his father.

Thank Ya'll very much. We have talked about planning a meeting, but he wants it to just be Him, our son & me. I just really dont trust that. I really think just to spite me, he would try to take him from me. And I kinda feel that since my son is only 7 yrs. old, he mey not really understand what is going on and get really confused. His father keeps telling me that I need to just trust him, but I really never have, and the way he still comes and goes, how can I still? I do agree with the father remaining anonymous, i would much rather have that then just a "this is your father" thing...I do feel that my son should know is father, but do you think NOW would be a good time?..I mean..its like 7 years has gone by, why not wait at least another 2 or 3?