Hi I'm a single mom raising a nine year old son. His father has never been a full time dad. When we lived 15 minutes apart his dad would get him once a month. Now that we live in Southern Cali, his father sees him on the average once a year. How do I get my point across to his father that he needs to be around, without getting into an arguement? How do I deal with a person who is mentally 19 years old in the brain.

Harmoney,
I do not have advice for you. I have completely the opposite problem. I have a (mental) 16 year old wanting complete control. He is 33 years old and still does not get it.... any of it.
Good Luck .. if you figure it out .. please let me know.
Carla

sorry to say but sometimes the only way to get your point across is to get into an argument. He needs to grow up and see his kid>

quote:

Originally posted by harmoney:
[qb]Hi I'm a single mom raising a nine year old son. His father has never been a full time dad. When we lived 15 minutes apart his dad would get him once a month. Now that we live in Southern Cali, his father sees him on the average once a year. How do I get my point across to his father that he needs to be around, without getting into an arguement? How do I deal with a person who is mentally 19 years old in the brain.[/qb]

Sad, however, true in a lot of single parent situtations. You can not make someone do something they don't want to do. Unfortunately, your move might of made an excuse for him that he might ride until the wheels fall off. Sorry, if I'm off base with that reply, but I can't see why any man or woman wouldn't want to be an active part of their childs life. People have to learn to love their children more than they despise the other parent...

Has he given you any reason as to why the less frequent visit have come about?

Best Wishes!

quote:

How do I get my point across to his father that he needs to be around, without getting into an arguement? How do I deal with a person who is mentally 19 years old in the brain.[/QB]

You don't. Your son should. Not only will it give him the opportunity to empower himself by voicing his feelings to his father, but his dad might actually listen. If you ex is anything like mine, the minute you start talking, his ears shut off. He's less likely to do this with his son.

Bottom line is that neither of you can force this man to do the right thing. He has to decide it for himself. But by giving your son the chance to say "It really hurts me when you do this" it teaches him how he can handle his emotions and puts some power into his hands.

Good luck. I hope the jerk comes around.

Hi, Harmoney I too am in your situation, My kids dad lives 5 min away he can really walk to see them, he comes up with excuse after excuse, until now I don't even care if he sees them or not. It' his loss, The more you chase him the further he will run...trust me on this. He's running from fatherhood and responsibilty, you said it yourself he has the mind of a 19 year old.

Stop argueing with him because you give him his excuse to stay away. my suggestion to you is to not contact him let him contact you about you alls son, don't give any updates as to what you son is accomplishing, nothing. From now on if ther is any contact let it come from him. I know it sounds a tad bit harsh but as time goes on you will see what I am talking about. Your son deserves a man to teach him how to become one, not a boy portraying a man. I wish you all the luck in the world. Oh yes, I agree with the comment on the fact that he needs to grow up and be a father to his kid.

All the deadbeat dads out there should.

Hi!
Unfortunatly you cannot make someone be apart of anyones life if they don't desire so. I am sort of in the same situation, he comes around when it is convenient for him. Gets upset when the children don't call him, I explain to him that he should be calling them and that they are the children. I think that men or women like this have to be approched in a different manner. More gently. Just begin with sending pictures and phone calls. Dont force the situation. Inform him or her of the things they are doing good or bad. That way the feel more involved without being forced and will most likely become alittle more involved. It will probable never be at the extent that you would wish but it is a start. It working for me. And just remember yelling and screaming just pushes away.