I am hearing for my children's relatives that the ex will be in town next week to see our boys.

He hasn't returned emails or phone calls when I requested he make his visitation formal and I'm thinking he will want to leave the state with them. With/without my knowledge/agreement. He has a funny way of saying "I think I want to do this... I might do that." then wham he does what he wants and says, "well, I told you."

Anyway, a lawyer told me since he didn't follow the standard visitation agreement, it's my at my discretion.

So what if he takes the kids without me knowing? Do I call the police? What do I say? I'm sure they don't want to get in the middle of he said/she said. Anyone else dealt with this?

Absolutely you call the police....if he is crazy enough to take his own children and have their mother worry about it, there is something wrong with the man.........

and tehy will want to get in the middle of this...now that you ahve contacted a lawyer and have it on record....

You make it very clear to your ex, that they are not to leave without you knowing about it, and you make sure the kids know and aware that they are NOT to ever go with him, unless your kids have heard you say "yes"....i'm finding this a bit odd

I am so glad you contacted a lawyer on this...

I think it would be wise to let your kids know if their father does come or anyone for that matter and tells the kids "i talked to you mom and she said it was okay",,,, if they didn't hear it from you then it is not true.

no court can hold that one against you it is common safety rules for kids living at home.

quote:

unless your kids have heard you say "yes"....i'm finding this a bit odd

The kids and I have talked about their dad visiting them. I have never let them know I had told their dad "no" before and it is rare that I do.

For the most part I see them sometimes like the kid who keeps looking out the window for their dad to come and they haven't decided to stop looking out the window yet and go on with life.

I'm thinking that maybe I allowed this cr@* to go on too long or maybe it is their decision to make about waiting.

Anyway, we did talk this evening about how their dad and I are not communicating properly and they were not to leave the house, even with dad, if mom did not give her permission.

I think my ex and myself are completely different people now than we have been since the divorce and it's a bit awkward.

Hmmm sounds like a decision you are contemplating.

If your not feeling safe about the situation, then I would make the decision to set your boundaries and stop it once and for all until the kids are older....or if you feel okay with it, perhaps it is their decision to make. It all depends I guess on the maturity of your children and if they are ready to make such decisions.

Personally, I would go with my gut feeling based on his behaviours. You probably already have the answer within you, it is probably just a matter of building the self-confidence to make the decision which ever route you chose to go.

My ex told me he was going to take me to court to get visitation (i have full custody/he has no visitation). Because my ex is a flight risk (from another country) and has threatened to take my son, my son is a candidate for "supervised visitation". I live in MA where they have it but I'm sure they would have it nationwide given how crazy the world is.

How it works is that you tell the court your fears, etc. and ask for supervised visitation at a vistation facility. If they grant you supervised visitation at a facility, he has to pay to see his kids in a controlled environment with a representative from the state supervising the visit. ie - he can't walk out with them. You don't even have to see him if you don't want to.

I never had to go this route myself (my ex backed off with the mere mention of him spending anything)....from what I hear, they do make the facilities somewhat cozy. Not totally septic but probably more like a pediatrician's office with toys/movies/etc.

Talk to your attorney and see what they say...

Hope this helps you.

Caitlin

Wow, Cailin, sounds like you had your share of difficult moments also...how are things now?

caitlin how can you prove that your ex is trying to take your kids out of the country? My ex's family tried to take my daughter away from me twice already and since they are all illegal I'm afraid they try to make a run for it. Please help !!!