I have only one child and have never been married. I see to it that every summer "dad" gets our son (15 years old) for two months of visitation. He is over 1500 miles away and leaves on the 9th of June. It is always very hard on me and the week leading into him leaving and the week after are horrendous on me. I get along fine in between, but gosh I wish it was easier. I really need some support for the next week or so and am looking to you all for some kind words of enthusiasm and/or encouragement. I cannot stop crying and of course, I am depressed. Yes, I should use this time for "me" time, and I do once I am used to him not being around the house, but the getting used to it is unbearable. Help...

Hey, holler, vent, lean on our shoulders all you need to.
Just wanted to say that I thought it was great that you already realize that it's really okay for him to be gone visiting etc, and that you already know that you'll be fine once you become accustomed to that again. Until then.....we're here.

Thanks for the kind words Don..
Yes, I know it is okay for him to visit and it does us both good. I finally start paying attention to myself and he learns just how good he has it here. I just wish I could stop worrying so much about him and thinking something is going to happen to him when he is so far away.

Yeah, if we didn't worry about them to some extent when they're gone, well I guess we wouldn't be the parents that we are. I guess the trick is to keep the worrying at a bare minimum and enjoy the free time.
I'm actually on the verge of envy of the two months you get.

I DO envy the two months you get. I have no communication with my kids dads so I have them 24/7 365. I am not complaining, I love it but I still envy your 8 weeks......

Yes, I do enjoy the time alone, but the first week or so is very hard. He is leaving Sunday morning and I cannot stop myself from crying. I am so afraid that he will get hurt and/or I will not be able to talk to him when I call. When I do not get to talk to him, I panic and begin worrying all over again. He is all I have got..

Well, I made it through. He is there and I miss him, but I believe the hardest part is just letting go at that moment. Unbelievably hard, but worth it in the long run. I do think that it is different for parents of only one child to let go..
My problem is wrapping my identity up in my child. I hear constantly from parents on this site and here at home saying, "Oh, you will have a great time while he is gone." You know, I have this child for a brief while and I throughly enjoy that time with him. I will have plenty of time when he is grown up to enjoy myself, so I do not understand those comments. I do not have multiple children. I guess I do not belong on this site because I have never gotten a post by someone that really understands what I go through or can relate to my situation. Many times I am told I am lucky to be receiving child support. I thought I would be helpful in mentioning my child support modification and the steps I went through etc, but in asking many questions I felt as though many thought I was being selfish. So, Goodbye to Single Parents Network. This site made me feel unworthy to be here and I have made no friends. Thanks to those that did reply to some of my posts- Don, thanks for giving me some support. Otherwise, I know I have a wealth of knowledge that may have been helpful to some single parents, but I guess this site is not the informative board I thought is was. Thanks again.

kcmom,

I know when people tell me this

quote:

hear constantly from parents on this site and here at home saying, "Oh, you will have a great time while he is gone." You know, I have this child for a brief while and I throughly enjoy that time with him. I will have plenty of time when he is grown up to enjoy myself, so I do not understand those comments.

Which I hear all the time from friends on this site and at work. They are trying to push you off into a new direction, a new possibility.

The last 3 years I have solely concentrated on my children and work. No room for relationships and barely to myself. I know what you mean about living through your children, its safe.

My hair stylist that I go to for the usual trim asked me recently about what I was doing for myself because she noticed I stopped taking care of my skin and my looks. I explained, I don't have time, work expectations, and my boys schedule leaves little time for me or relationships. Well, she spun me around in her chair, looked me in the eye and said, " I was a single mom just like you and if you don't take the time to do something to make connections with other people, you're going to be alone when those boys leave and start their new lives." and she went further to tell me if I didn't learn to stop hoovering over them, I'm going to make them run from me.

I was going to say something to her. I mean, I thought she was being soooooo RUDE, but I saw tears in her eyes and I knew that is what she lives with now. .

Anywho, I work with hundreds of different people weekly in an instructional setting and I know if you want others to open up to you, you got to share and connect with other people too.

I hope you don't leave, I think you have a lot to offer by sharing your parenting stories to young single parents who could use a few ideas and when others know more about you, they will know what to say.

quote:

Many times I am told I am lucky to be receiving child support. I thought I would be helpful in mentioning my child support modification and the steps I went through etc, but in asking many questions I felt as though many thought I was being selfish. So, Goodbye to Single Parents Network. This site made me feel unworthy to be here and I have made no friends. Thanks to those that did reply to some of my posts-

I don't recall anyone thinking you were selfish at all. I know I didn't and from the members I know here on SFV, I am certain they all have a good heart. I am sorry that you think and feel that way and if you do feel that way, I doubt very much it was intended to make you feel as such.

I know when the ladies and gents on SFV here tell me how lucky I am, I think that is good because I don't want them feeling sorry for my situation, I want them to encourage me. We assume that everyone on here is looking for encouragement so we do emphasize and remind each other what we do have to be feeling good about. So just because we say "you're lucky" I doubt it was meant to make you feel bad on purpose.

We try as much as we can to express ourselves in writing to the best of our abilities, and if you have not signed off yet of this single parent forum, I want to personally take responsibility for the way you feel, because this is not at all what it is.

You also must understand that we do not know you, nor know how you will take things, so please don't take things personally...we are all doing our best to make you feel like you belong. You will get replies, but as you know cause your a single parent yoruself, between working and parenting we all do not have the time to reply the same day, so I apologize for that as well. THat also is not done intentionally.

You are welcome here in the greatest ways I can imagine most, but it is up to you to chose to feel welcome on your part as well and please don't be so harsh on us, cause our intentions are good.

We all welcome you here on this site, and we would be more than happy to have you here, and become our new friend.

The rest is up to you.