my kids are 10,12,and 14. They are starting football, karate, band,boyscouts. Their dad lives 50 min away and is trying to convince the kids not to be involved in activities so it won't interfer with his visitations. What do I do? He only works 2 days a week. I work 5 days a week. I am the custodial parent.I suggested he become involved with these activities but He doesn't want to pay for the gas to visit more than once a week. How do I keep the kids from quiting their activities?

He should really try to get involved. Imagine the impact that will have on his children! Activities, for the most part, are seasonal. He can't give up a little time for them?
My girls are in soccer and have played basketball, all set up by their step mother who doesn't work but she makes sure they can make their activities. I have a 7/7 custody for the last 5 years and their dad lives 20-30 min away. The activities are in the town he lives in since they go to school there (better schools) so it's a lot for me but it's worth every minute to go and watch them learn and grow. I usually pick them up, eat quick and go to practices or games. I'm almost always in my work scrubs since I don't often get home first. I go on the week they are with their dad when I can swing it.
I hope you can let him know how important it is for the children to have his support. We all decided to have these children and were given the responsibility to nurture them. It breaks my heart when parents forget their needs too.
I was raised by my mother, never had a father or much of a father figure and there is an emptiness from that. It's the same emptiness my son and his 1/2 sister have even though their father is close by but was never involved in the things they enjoyed because it wasn't what he "liked" to do, he missed out on a lot and I can see the broken hearts the 2 have. He really needs to make an effort, especially if he only works 2 days/week!!!!!
It's the biggest investment of his time he will ever make.
I'm a talker!! LOL
BTW, I have 3 children, son, 17 from a long-term relationship a loooong time ago and 2 girls, 7 & 9) from my mariage 11 years ago! wow! I forget how long ago that was! I'm divorced 5 years now and running in circles ever since! LOL
Good luck and hope he comes to his senses and hope I make any sense! LOL I saw someone else said they have ADD, I too was diagnosed as an adult, I can go in circles! LOL
Kim

I have a similiar situation. My five year old sees her father every other weekend (no overnight visits though.) But in my case, because of my ex's health situation he is not drive with a minor in the car. So, his girlfriend is primarly responsible for driving and picking up.

My five year old wants to play sports or dance which mostly will be every Saturday. After talking to my lawyer last year in regards to this, he told me I legally have to keep my daughter available for my ex on those saturdays and sundays.

Now, what I have done is call him when she has plans on his weekeend and ask if it is okay for her to go even if it is a birthday party, a practice but I have made arrangements or suggestions to switch weekends or give him extra days to make of the day he misses.

Maybe try bargaining alittle and switch days.

It is not always easy though. My ex and I don;t have the typical visitation deal. We go to a police station to exchange due to an order of protection and we barely are able to talk on the phone (lately its better though) but our most communication we have is via phone tag using answering machines. Childish, right?

I don't think it's childish. I've already filed a police report against my ex for harassment and threats to take the kids.
I don't think it is fair to the kids to have to decide between school activities and visitation with their dad. I am going to continue to be an advocate for my kids and their lives until the law stops me.
I do bargin, I do switch weekends, but it is me that has to suggest it, never him.
Since he only works 2 days a week, there is no reason why he can't be more active with what the kids want, not what he wants.

its amazing how some ex's are alike. I don't know if its the anger that we left them ( did you file for divorce or he?) that keeps them from doing what's right for the children or not.
My ex calls when its convenient for him and I know that affects our daughter somehow. I keep telling myself I will do what is right for her well being and let her form her own opinoin of her dad. That's why sometimes when she rather go to a party or play sports that might affect his weekend I ask her to call her dad first and ask him. That a way-- its not my fault that she can't and she hears it directly from him and understands its him not me.

Long story,short, he left us, I filed for divorce in order to get support started. Yes, he has been very angry about that. I have started to have the kids invite him to their special events. He doesn't always go. Actually, he usually doesn't go. He went to my son's boyscout camp for parents night and wore dress clothes instead of camping clothes and told my son he couldn't stay because I didn't tell him he could stay. My son caught on though, because he was the one who invited him and told him about the day, not me. He tends to dig his own holes.

firetopaz:

You are doing such a good thing by having your daughter be the one to discuss this kind of stuff with her dad rather than you. I have read in so many books that custodial parents need to keep the kids' relationship with their dad between the kids and the dad, and they themselves should never get involved. Let HER tell him how important it is to her, let HER ask him to get involved, and let HER hear from his own mouth whether or not he is willing to support her interests. When he hears it from her, he's less likely to allow his anger toward you affect his decision. When she hears it from him, she'll know him for who he truly is and won't blame you for his lack of support.

Anyway, I just wanted to say "KUDOS TO YOU!!!"

proudmamat:

You did the right thing by having your son invite and inform his dad of important events in his life. Let your ex dig his holes....

Thanks for everyone's support.
It's truely appreciated!