My daughter came home last week (she is 4) telling me she "got married" on the weekend.

My ex left me over 2 years ago and yes while he denied it, wouldnt tell me where he was living with my daughter etc etc. It was of course the woman he has now married.

The most painful part of our breakup has been not being able to be with my daughter on a day to day basis while she was so young (he insisted on shared custody and I work full time). I never expected I would give birth and have to share my baby with another mother. My daughter tells me she now has two mommys. She has never known a time when there was just me as her mother .

While I support and want my daughter to have many loving relationships (and she does). It feels unnatual to share my mothering role. I shouldnt have had to give that away.


Not knowing who this other woman is she loves so much and what involvement she has, has made that pain just so much more awful. Unfortunately the law doesnt cover morals and ethics and the ex seems to get immense pleasure out of my pain.

(I found out from my daughter, daddy lived with this woman, just like I did their engagement and now marriage)My ex refuses to allow us to meet her - even though i have requested this on a number of occasions.

His excuse to the courts when I requested this in councelling is that he thinks I will be verbally abusive ( real reason he doesnt want me talking about anything that would expose his lies).

I know while he may not be a good ex he is a great father and of course I want whats best for my daughter.

There are a million other issues as well as this one (like refusing to allow me to attend her swimming lessons, when she is in his care, even though it is a public place)

My ex is manipulative and deceiptful and for that I am pleased to be away from him. But our shared parenting arrangement is highly charged and the law seems stacked on his side - because my issues are moral ones.

I would greatly appreciate any advise from others who may have been in a similar situation on dealing with my pain and my ex.

I'm just seeing your post right now, looks like you've waited awhile for a response. I don't have any great ideas for you, but I want to commend you for putting your daughter's best interests above your frustrations with your ex.

I'm surprised your ex is keeping you from meeting his new wife (or current wife, if she's not that new anymore). As far as the swimming lessons go, how can he keep you away from them if they're in a public place? I realize you probably are trying to minimize the drama in your daughter's presence, but if you just showed up a swimming lesson to cheer her on a little, and didn't interfere in her time with her dad, he really wouldn't have any legit reason to complain. I'll tell you this -- I'd be tempted to do it just to let him know he couldn't push me around.

If the stepmom is good to your daughter and treats her well -- like it sounds like she does -- then you're fortunate. I can't see a reason why you would want to start trouble with her if she's being a good influence in your daughter's life. Maybe it's time for your ex to let go of his own hang-ups about you and start following your lead and doing what's best for your daughter instead of himself.

You sound like really good mom. Your daughter is lucky to have you!

I can imagine the sadness and pain you are feeling. I've had those thoughts also... early when I was first divorced. My EX had married about a year after. She wasn't even the woman he was unfaithful with in our marriage.

Trying to look at the whole situation positively... it must bring some comfort to know this woman has brought some happiness to your child. She must feel loved by this woman to even call her the 2nd mommie. It's much better than children feeling alienated in the house they reside in.

Saying such... it brings little consolation to the warrented feelings you have. It seems so unfair to be blocked out of your own child's events.

My only advice I would suggest is to build your own life with your daughter when she is with you. Don't comapare or try to compete for the best birthday, Christmas, shopping outing, etc... Connect with your daughter your own way... she will only be blessed by having more people who loves her.

Maybe your EXs wife feels extremely intimmidated by you and your EX feels like protecting her feelings. doesn't seem fair though, it would be best to build a friendship with her if you can.

He can't keep you from the swimming lessons. This is a childs extracurricular activity. You have the right to know and see what your child' accomplishments are. Unless you have some record or something. He will have a ard time lkeeping you out. Just call her swim coach and ask to come by. He will either look like an *** or accept the situation for what it is. You supporting your child.