I have a two year old daughter. Her father LOVES to play controling mind games with me. He used to come to my house and watch her there a few days a week but we just fought the entire time. So he has now decided to get her at ungodly times in the morning like 4 am and feels that I have no business knowing where they go. He does not answer the phone when he has her either so I have no clue where my daughter is or if she is safe. Am I over reacting or do I have a right to know. He is responsible with her so I know that he will keep her safe but don't I have the right to know where my 2 year old is. I am her sole care giver and she lives with me. We have no custody through the courts. He also has not paid any child support in 4 months. He thinks that everything is a joke. I know he loves his daughter and I am trying to allow him to see her for her sake but her is such a jerk! How should I deal with this??? before I loose my own sanity.

First

Secondly, yes you do have a right to know where your daughter is and where she is when with the other parent. I think that in most cases it's actually against the law for you not to know where he lives and such.

I would suggest going through the court as it is the best way to do things when someone is being a pain in the a$$. KEEP A RECORD OF EVERYTHING!

As for the hours, tell him if he can't make times and days a more convenient and sane arrangement - i.e. not 4 a.m., then he will just have to not see her as it's not healthy for the child to not be on some type of schedule and it's not appropriate or considerate in any way.

I could go on forever about options but alas, I'll stop here.

Welcome to the site and I hope you find it fun, entertaining and helpful.

Actually, no you don't. He is her father and he can do whatever he pleases with her. Legally you have not a foot to stand on. I know this because I went through something similar myself. My ex would lie to me about where she was and once the lie was busted and legal proceedings had begun, I was told "legally" when my son was with his mother, I had no legal right to know where he was. I couldn't even legally get her new address so I knew where he would be staying the night occasionally. In all honesty, he has no responsibility to even answer the phone when you call. I understand that you may be "concerned" but as you have stated "He is responsible with her so I know that he will keep her safe". The only way that the courts would even require you to know where and what they were doing is if you prove that you have some concern over her safety when she is with him.

You need to NOT allow him to get her at "unreasonable hours" such as 4AM. That is SEVERELY frowned upon in court, not only on his part for taking her, but on yours for allowing him to take her. You need to be working on a "set schedule" and if you allow him to get her at 4AM, it's just not working.

The way you should deal with this is to buck up and get legal arrangements. You see, until you have "binding" legal agreements as to what is to take place, nothing will ever be resolved. If you stop letting him take her, then he can fire back that you are preventing him from seeing his daughter. If you allow him to continue to take her at ungodly hours, you are allowing for her to be in an "unstable" sleeping schedule. My advice all the way on this one is to either get him to sign some form of binding contract as to when he will and won't try to get your daughter and have it legalized, or begin court proceedings. I know that there are many that don't like getting the courts involved, but in all honesty, it is the only way for you to resolve your issues with him. You will also end up getting a CS order too. Some people frown on having CS ordered, but it is not for you nor is it ordered against him, it is for your daughter to have what she needs. While it may be true that you can provide all the necessities now, at some point you will need the assistance.

My opinions and view of things may not always be the most popular, but it is the most rational. You currently have no right to control his actions with your daughter, and until you have been granted those rights, your struggle will continue.

-J

Thanks for your reply's! It gets so tiring be a single parent most days. It seems unfair that I have to work my butt off to keep everything up with raising a child and he gets to do whatever he wants whenever he wants. And then on top of that he can take her and not even be available by phone when he has her. It makes me feel so totally powerless and frustrated. It is all a control game with him.

quote:

Originally posted by Trey's Daddy:
My opinions and view of things may not always be the most popular, but it is the most rational. -J

LMAO Joey, I had to crack up at this.
Rational? I'm not even going to tell you about how many convos I've had with you that I can't find rational in. hehe

quote:

Originally posted by smshybug:

quote:

Originally posted by Trey's Daddy:
My opinions and view of things may not always be the most popular, but it is the most rational. -J

LMAO Joey, I had to crack up at this.
Rational? I'm not even going to tell you about how many convos I've had with you that I can't find rational in. hehe

You just have issues with conversations in which fecal matter becomes the topic. That is all, have a nice day.

-J

quote:

Originally posted by Trey's Daddy:
You just have issues with conversations in which fecal matter becomes the topic. That is all, have a nice day.-J

Not necessarily just not one of my favorite topics. lol

Boys and girls...behave thyselves.

Joey is no wiser and yes Smshy doesn't like poo talk that isn't of her own genetics.

PFfffttt....go to your corners and think about what you've done. You've hijacked a serious thread to talk of poo.



Mommyof1 WELCOME TO SFV! We get carried away in good and bad. I agree you should be angry but some things we can't control. My Ex decided to up and take my daughter to another state for the weekend and I had no idea two weeks ago. I wanted to strangle him.

Common courtesy seems to fly out the window when our children are involved. There is usually one spiteful parent and one protective parent. They mix like oil and vinegar.

At the risk of Sky throwing something at me.....

I'm pretty sure that what you were going for was "oil and water don't mix". Oil and vinegar makes salad dressing.

Make me Blindsky! haha
just kidding

BAmy . . . you absolutely crack me up.

Joey, let's not fight.

Water and vinegar makes???????


Smshy?? Fight? I never fight, I just like to discuss poo in your presence

I agree with Joey on this you need to setup some standard visitation schedule and stick to it. Also I understand not knowing where your daughter is. I usually ask my ex where he is taking them and if he knows when they will be back he is agreeable to this.

Welcome

quote:

Originally posted by BASICALLYAMY:
At the risk of Sky throwing something at me.....

I'm pretty sure that what you were going for was "oil and water don't mix". Oil and vinegar makes salad dressing.

Actually was my point. They taste yummy together but they actually don't mix! LOL

Ah see that makes more sense now. You'll have to excuse me, I'm still on cloud 9 from yesterday evening. lol

Or I could have meant to type oil and water....and just know how to cover my arse really good.

Hmmm....

meds sweet glorious meds have me loopy.