I am a single mom of two children. My son is five and my daughter is 7. I have been divorced for three years. I am the custodial parent and my X gets them every other weekend. (he could have them more but he chooses not to) So about four days a month he sees them.

The problem I am having is my kids don't like their Dad. My son gets very upset when I tell him he is coming over to pick them up. He has told me he doesn't like him because he "doesn't know how to be good" when he is overthere. My X is not a good father, he has always been inconvenienced by them. My daughter tells me that he is always making them watch TV, all they ever eat is hotdogs. He's isn't a deadbeat but borderline if you ask me. I think he only spends time with them out of obligation. I don't think he really wants to be with them.

Has anyone else been in this situation? Funny thing is I stayed in Utah so my kids could be with their Dad. I knew him and I couldn't stand eachother, but I wanted them to have a father. Now I feel stuck in the middle. I am forcing him to be with his Dad, and yet I know I can't leave the decision up to him because he is to young.

This has been a problem for awhile to, seems like its just getting worse.

First of all,

Secondly, have you brought any of this to the attention of your ex? Granted I know that you said that you can't stand each other, but he is their father and if the children are claiming to have issues with him, you should address it with him.

I also wanted to add that while you may not approve of your children watching TV and eating hotdogs all the time, take into consideration that at least they are getting fed. My son and I watch a lot of TV, however it is normally shows such as Blues Clues, Dora, etc that are educational, and we interact with them.

If this is a serious issue for you, bottling it inside will do nothing. You could always try to get visitation reduced but you would have to be able to come up with a good reason for that. The only solution that I can see to it is to contact him and discuss the issues that your son is having. Don't make it an attack against him or it will go nowhere.

I wish you luck with this one. I am battling a similar issue myself, but I keep telling my son that his mommy loves him just as much as daddy, and I try to paint a "favorable" picture of her to him. Unfortunately, with a court ordered visitation, there is little that you can do without definitive and explicit grounds.

-J

I agree with Trey's Dad you need to talk to him about the situation. Also try talking to your son about why he does not want to go spend time with his dad. Maybe you could give your ex some other things to do in the area that would be fun for your children. Give him ideas of what they like to do so that they look forward to going to their dads.

Welcome JCricket,

I think its pretty common for young children to compare households and want to be in the one where they would have the most fun.

Perhaps encourage your children to tell their father what they are feeling so they can find ideas together when it is his weekend. (especially if dad may feel you are minding his business if you say something) In the past, my children would tell me things that bothered them at their dads and when I mentioned it to him, he was clueless because our kids used me to tell him what they were afraid to tell their father.

I wouldn't fudge on the everyother weekend. The kids may feel like they can manipulate their parents then or worst ... your ex makes it incredibly boring so they don't go.

Whichever, I would stay out of the relationship your ex is building with your kids unless it becomes harmful. Maybe even suggest your kids bring a board game or puzzles. Of course if the both of you have good communication and he doesn't mind some advice, I would then speak with him privately.

Hi

I know this situation oh too well. For a long time my girls didn't want to go their dad's house. It wasn't that he was mean to them. He just wasn't really connecting with them and they could feel that.

Even though they only saw each other every other weekend, he didn't take the time to plan something fun for them to all do together. He would get a sitter and go out one of the weekend nights and they were just bored and felt like it was a wasted weekend. He just seemed to continue to put his needs first. Well the kids really started to dread it and would find any excuse to come home early. He started to get them Saturday morning and have them back by Sunday night instead of the pickup Friday after school and drop off Monday morning.

I felt bad about it but I still made them go even if it was a shorter period of time for two reasons. 1. I didn't think it was fair that the kids called the shots. 2. I didn't think it was okay for the dad to not have to step up to the plate and deal with having his kids for A SHORT PERIOD of time.

Communication is obviously the way to go, if you can make suggestions to their father.. Why don't you take them bowling or to the beach (if you live near by) or even to a movie because then at least the kids will feel like their dad is excited to spend time with them and takes the time to plan something (and it doesn't have to cost a lot of money). If they feel he is checked out, then it makes perfect sense of why they don't want to go. Plus you're probably a lot cooler to hang out with...

Good Luck...

B


www.zenmothers.com

My problem is that my daughter never had her dad in her life that much (didnt see him till she was five). I made her go with him even when she didnt want to. I felt like dog dodo but it was court ordered. When she got a little older and said she didnt want to go I didnt make her. He never called to check on her or anything when he did call she wouldnt talk to him. He is good at emotional and verbal abuse. Well my problem is she turned 13 March 20 2007 and started missing school. Tryed getting help through the school but they said that it was the end of the year so they woulnt help me. When she started the eighth grade she was good somewhere it went bad she started calling me at work saying she didnt feel good or had miss the bus. So I got ahold of the school and ask about the truancy officer and when I heard from them it was a court date. Well things went down hill after that. She went on probation and still wouldnt go to school. They took her away from me last week and put her with her dad. She told the judge that she would rather go to a foster home then live with him. She cant voice her opion or disagree with him or he wont let her call or see me, thats her punishment. She cant play her psp or on the computer so the only thing he has is to hold talking to me over her head. Now I find out that he is going to try and get full custody of her. And I cant afford a laywer like he can. I miss her so much it hurts. I just dont know what to do. I have her in counselling but I waiting for him to stop that to. I called the other night to talk to her and he said she was in trouble and lost phone right well Iam the only one she talks too. I said that it wasnt right and he said that it was his rule then I ask about getting her this weekend and he said he doubted that that would happen and I ask why and he said it was his rule. I feel helpless