My ex lives 1000 miles away. He has little contact with my son. A few phone calls through the year, and he's supposed to get 6 weeks summer visitation. He was supposed to start summer visit this weekend.
My son was SO excited to spend Father's day and his birthday with is dad for the first time in over 5 years.
Today, the ex's new wife (they just married yesterday) called me to say that there was no point in my son coming this summer because his dad's work schedule is now 7days a week.
We have known about the work schedule for a few weeks, but the ex said that he would work out a few days off and still wanted to spend what time he could with our child.
I feel that she just doesn't want to take care of my son while the ex is working.
I am heartbroken. I know that he is going to be devastated at this news. He's been looking forward to going for months.
I told her that they needed to call him tonight to break the news. I'm not going to do it for them. I will just have to deal with the aftermath as always.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

Anyone have suggestions for how to help my son cope with this?

First....welcome to the forum.
I happen to think that it was a good decision to have him break the news to your son.
If you can I would check into any summer camps/activities that are going on in your area. Something to help keep your son occupied and help get his mind off of the disappointment. Of course you know he's going to be upset and even another activity won't completely erase that, but it should help.

I agree with Don. My EX would love for me to tell our sons but I don't. I'll tell both of them "I don't know."

I would also document the phone call with an email outlining the conversation. When the NCP gives up their visitation it's called a forfiet. This way in the future, it can't be made to look like you withheld visitation.... something my EX would tell our boys to save his ego.

Keep your son very very busy.... maybe he will forget.

hi and welcome as well

i think i'd ask the ex to pay for the summer camp as well. since he is the one backing out...

on the flip side, i was married to a man with 2 daughters for a bunch of years and i full out hated it that he would go to work and expect me to take care of his daughters all summer long - while i ran a B&B that slept 27 people. i have a staff of 8 and run non-stop from 5m to midnight - with the phone and bell often ringing throughout the night as well. having 2 girls moan that they are bored and i am not thier mom was brutal. no i can not take you to 6 flags, no i can not take you to the mall, no i can not take you to the beach. i have to work to pay for the roof over your head. argh.

sorry, but there is a flip side - in my opinion, your ex is at fault, not his new wife.

Thanks for the warm welcome and feedback.
I will be sending him to some summer programs and keeping him busy. I am just dreading the initial heartache.

I'd likely be more understanding if she had a job and him staying would cause added daycare, etc. but she doesn't even work.

I'm trying hard to consider this a good thing. I wont be worrying all summer about what he's doing/not doing, and I hate being without him anyhow.
But, I was really looking forward to a break!

My ex called this morning to say his wife was mistaken, and he really wants our son to come visit still.

Since she will be the one with him the majority of the time, I am hesitant to agree. I don't want to put my son in the care of someone that doesn't want him there. How can I really know?
I am sure she'd get offended if I were to call and ask her point blank. Would I be justified in asking though? Or am I supposed to relenquish control and let his dad decide whats best for him this summer? Even if its not.

Hmmm...Well, before your latest post i was just upset that his dad was bailing out. I mean, so what if he has to work 7 days/week? Step up, be a PARENT, and find him activities, camp, etc. to do while your at work! We have too...

Now, i'm confused. Did he know his wife was calling you to cancel? How old is your son? Is he mature enough to handle 6 weeks away from you w/ a dad he hardly knows?

Yep, confused here too. I think I would be wanting some more clarification as to why she was mistaken, enough to have made that call, only to have him call the next day like that.
I also think that regardless of what her story is that if the dad is still wanting to have this visit than let it happen. Again, with some clarification as to what this "mistaken" thing is about and maybe some info on what the plan is for your son.....how he will be spending his time etc.

Hanzi - My son will be 10 next week.
I agree with you 100% that his schedule shouldn't matter. We CP's make it work all year long!
My son spent 4 weeks with his dad last summer, and wants to go again, so I feel he will be ok without me.
I just wonder what kind of care he will get from the stepmother.

Don - I definitely need the clarification. I'll be talking with my ex tonight to try and straighten everything out.

Your son is at an age where he can tell you if something is going on that is making him uncomfortable. If he has a bad experience... the both of them should have the opportunity to resolve the issue.... just part of being a family errrr.... parent/child relationship.

Besides, he may cherish and appreciate the time he spends with you more.

I would let him go. Make sure dad can confirm dates and follow through.

I know it's been a confusing issue. Things always seem to be that way when it comes to my EH. Since my last post, travel arrangements have been made and my son heads for WY tomorrow. I found out from my ex's mother who lives close to us, that the new wife was upset that I didn't arrange everything with her instead of my EH. She was left out of the loop.
Silly me for thinking that the ex was any better at communication. I thought that they were working out the details together.
So, I called her this morning to be sure everything was on track for this weekend.

So, lesson learned... I felt that I only needed to discuss things with my son's father and that he should arrange everything. I think things will go much better now that his new wife and I have developed a plan to bypass him and discuss the arrangements ourselves.

as far as the visit getting cancelled, and then they changed their minds...
They wanted to wait for a better time according to his work schedule. They then found out that his schedule will not be changing before school starts again in August, so he would just have to deal with the schedule he's got now.

quote:

I think things will go much better now that his new wife and I have developed a plan to bypass him and discuss the arrangements ourselves.

Kudos to you for getting that worked out....