Divorced, dad out of state, 2 girls who continue to push moms buttons with whining (6 yr old.) and nosey 14 year old. They both can be disrespectful. I have been dating someone seriously for over a year. He was raised in a very strict environment and has never been married or had children of his own. We are a great team and have a wonderful time but, he is very critical when it comes to my kids. I don't think they are as bad as it seems to him. I am working on the behaviors but, do not know what to say to get him to understand how I feel and I am trying to understand his feelings as well. My ex does not see the girls alot due to seasonal work. I know that they want me to be happy but, I want my kids and my boyfriend to be able to co-exist. What can I do? Thanks In Advance Tracey

Hi Tracey,
Try a little of sitting down with your b/f,kids and let them write a list of what they percieve to be each others faults and see if there is a middle ground.
Kids will be kids you can't help that,but your b/f has never had kids so doesn't know what to expect.Maybe he needs to lighten up a little.A good talk around the kitchen table might add an insight to what is happening.kids will always critisize a new member of the family.I did when my mother re married it took years to see 'eye to eye' because he never had kids of his own and didn't appreciate what they can be like.He tried laying down his rules from day 1 and I resented it.But in the end my Mom was happy with him and that was that.I finally appreciated him in my late teens.When I needed Male input.


Mark

Thanks for the advice. I am going on vacation with my boyfriend next week while they visit "DAD" They have not seen him since April. I hope to talk with him about my understanding of our relationship and that "I" am a package deal. I hate that saying but, that is the reality of my situation. He is a great man but, I can't make him understand how important my kids are and how I want them to feel around him. He is trying to work at it but, it is not going to change overnight. Sometimes I wonder if this is worth it or am I wasting my time. We have been dating for over a year now. I just want it all to work out for everyone. Boy am I optimistic. But, I really feel that the meeting around the table may help. Thanks again for everything. How are things with you?
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND. TRACEYB.

quote:

Originally posted by mark uk:
[qb]Hi Tracey,
Try a little of sitting down with your b/f,kids and let them write a list of what they percieve to be each others faults and see if there is a middle ground.
Kids will be kids you can't help that,but your b/f has never had kids so doesn't know what to expect.Maybe he needs to lighten up a little.A good talk around the kitchen table might add an insight to what is happening.kids will always critisize a new member of the family.I did when my mother re married it took years to see 'eye to eye' because he never had kids of his own and didn't appreciate what they can be like.He tried laying down his rules from day 1 and I resented it.But in the end my Mom was happy with him and that was that.I finally appreciated him in my late teens.When I needed Male input.


Mark[/qb]

Hi Tracey,
I was a little lost when my comp. packed up.But now Iam back and it's a comforting feeling that people I don't know in the physical sense care and it is truly appreciated.When I first started coming here and putting forward my views I thought I would be ignored as the strange guy from England.But to my astonishment Iam part of our big family and it is great to be listened to and taken notice of.It is nice to be objective to people who can't see the light at the end of the tunnel at this time.That they have friends regardless of where they are through the medium of technology the world is a smaller place.

I have sent you a PM as it is my prefered medium because it is more secure than E Mail.


Hugs,

Mark