Has anyone happend to have anything like this to deal with?

My mother informed me that I should get a wedding ring so that people dont stare at her and me. <granted i am almost 22 i am not a little girl.. yet i dont look it.> She also suggested telling people that the baby is hers!!
I would never allow that and fliped when she said it. SHe also wont be called Nana or Grandma when the child is born. She wants to be called by the first name. <if any! she would probably want to be called mom by my child>

i dont know what to do because i live with her and my father. I can not leave. I have nothing! And i am still in nursing school so that as soon as i can.. i can start a better life for me and my baby! She pays for everything.. clothes and everything. if she doesn't like it... she wont get it.. even if i like it. She even has say in what i want to name the child. She FLIPED! when i said that I will name my child what i want to name it? i dont care wether they like it or not. She said i was being insensitive and horrible.
She tells me everyday that i ruined her life. That everything is not perfect anymore! I confronted her on this issue and she just says that I say horrible things about her. What things? i dont know. I didn't know it was a horrible thing to want to be the ONLY MOTHER to my OWN child?

Another issue... My child will be born looking asian. Will i have a problem with her telling people that she adopted this child? <she has always wanted to adopt a baby... and has said something like this in sooooo many words>

Help... Am i to crazy or is this something i am going to have to worry about. Will my mother be the mother to my child and not me?

Wow...sounds like you're not having a good time. Do you get financial aid and take out student loans for your schooling? If I were you I would start doing somethings to separate life between you and your mom and your child. I'm not saying break away but establish the fact that you are the one taking care of your child and not your mom. I am sorry that she doesn't respect you as a mother. I also live at home and go to school but my mom happens to be supportive so I could only imagine if my mom did that. Honestly though, refuse to go places with your mom and tell her if she wants to go somewhere then she must comit to not claiming the baby as hers and if she fails to do so then don't go out with her anymore. You start buying things if possible....saying look what mommy bought you. Regardless if your mother wants to be called grandma or nana you should refer to her as such when speaking to your child so she also identifies her as such. Best of luck and keep me informed!

Thanks! i will do that anyways. calling my mother nana or grandma! whether she likes it or not. Did you feel weird doing that when you first called her that?

And i do take out loans... but i can't get financal aid because my parents make toooo much. I dont know why that matters!

But thanks! That gives me hope and i will try doing that!

You should be able to still take out financial aid for yourself based on your income not your parents. If you have a child you are considered independent and it no longer matters how much your parents make because you are your own family. Like on you taxes you can claim head of house hold too 'cause you are the head of your household, you and your daughter. Yeah I felt kind of weird about calling my mom Nana for my son and sometimes I slip and call her mom and then I have to go oops I mean Nana but my mom and laugh. I hope it all works and if you have anymore questions just write me at F8THnHOPE@excite.com

I don't have the best advice for you other than to find some way to get out. Some parents are just toxic. I have a set like that. When I first had my son, my step dad told me in not so many words that I should have had an abortion. My mom has helped buy stuff for my son throughout the years. Now that my son is older my step dad has taken to him. One time they offered to adopt my son when he was about 2. I was livid- I never ever said I did not want my son!!

I was dating/living with a guy for 1 1/2 years. When we broke up I moved in with my parents to get things straightened out. I lived there for almost a year. During the time I was there they proceeded to override everything I said or did. Every little move I made was criticized. They went through my mail, screened my phone calls, etc. I was 25/26 during this whole time. I am one that doesn't let my son eat whatever he wants. He eats what I make. They would give him whatever he wanted. Finally I found a place that was somewhat cheap. I moved out.I found out that my son was calling Grandpa dad. I flipped & squashed that idea.

Now my parents are trying to buy my son. They know I do not have a lot of money so they buy him everything I cannot. They also feed him a ton of junk. I found out that they have been talking bad about me behind my back. It is very frustrating!!! I guess my son has been asking to live with them. They are taking it as a sign I am doing badly. I asked my son about it & he said he wants to live there because of all the stuff over there. They made him a separate room just for his racetrack. They don't realize they are just buying him off. Who wouldn't want to live somewhere where you get your every desire???

I know I need to find some balls & say something to my parents. However, they still do a lot along the ways of watching him, although they charge, and buying clothes. I really cannot afford to lose that right now.

Just thought I would let you know you are not alone out there. Good luck!!!

Don't let her get to you. If she doesn't like the name don't get defensive... just take her criticize and put it in your pocket. Faith it does count if you live with your parents even if you are a single mom. they just take the child into account. Ya I call my mom, mom around Ethan. Like lets go see mom.... damn I mean nana lets go see nana. Your mom(excuse me) seems very selfish. That only mean that she won't want to take the time to care for your child. You are what you are don't let her change that. man that suck sedonia! That's hard. It really just depends on whats important to you. School or independence. You need to stand up to them and tell them what you want. I know a girl that her mother was soooo giving but when the baby was born it was like she signed her life away. Her mother told her she was a horrible mother. See what happens when the baby's born... she's going to feel pretty damn stupid when she calls herself mommy and your son corrects her or when you correct her in pubic.

i was living with my mom up till 2 months ago, and she always forgot who angels mommy was. She was paying my rent and helping out a great deal, but i when things started getting sticky i always corrected her or talked to my mom about it. Shed give into Angel ALL the time whatever she wanted mom-mom gave it to her. But i would tell my mom to respect what i wanted for angel and how i wanted to raise her. Of course i had to refresh her memory every few weeks LOL
But i know how you feel. I did always stand up to my mom, she babysat and bought angel everything she needed because thats how bad off i was.But i still held my grounds when it came to certain things cuz she and my step dad both knew if they went to far i would just move away and take their grand daughter with me, and it wasnt worth it to them the cost of losing us. Now that were moved out we go visit every couple of weeks, my mom still spoils her but not to any extreme extent. But now its ok because thats what grandparents are suppose to do when you go visit LOL Its alot easier when your not living with them, beleive me. Before you know it youll be done with school and you and Ella will have your own place and things will go alot smoother. Youll be able to decide and set real "rules" for when you come to visit, and if they dont agree you dont have to visit.
As for Sedonia, theres plenty of programs that help you get clothes for your child. Churches and such....... not Brand spanking new but the way children grow who needs brand new right?? And if your paying your parents to babysit, maybe check out some daycares and at home day cares, some are pretty cheap and your child wont be around your parents so much, so the spoiling wont seem so harsh when your child goes to visit.And just like i told Jennifer, itll make it alot easier to get your point across about your rules and such.And i agree with babybalooga, shell feel real stupid and embarrassed when you or your child is correcting her especially in piblic.
My girlfreind is going through pretty much the same situation,She lives at home and just tried talking to her mom about her not correcting anything when her daughter ccalls her mommy instead of nana or grandmom. Her mom got all upset and thought My gf didnt appreciate all the things her mom does for her and her daughter. My gf appreciates it all, but shes still "mommy" Her mom is still upset, but she had to put her foot down. Shes now moving 5 hours away with her kids and hubby (hes in the navy) and i bet theyll regret some things and will be more open because of only vsits instead of living all together.
Good luck girls,
if you need anything email me.

Congrates on your child!
and congrates on getting through school!

How much longer before your done with school?

It sound like she just has not seen you as a mother yet... but she will.

Pick her up a card to remind her how much you do apprieciate her being there for her. Do some nice things like just call her when your out to say you love her and thats it.

How is it going now?

Robin

My parents are a lot like this. They think that they know more than me about everything having to do with my children. For me the best thing that I did was to move out of there house. I have lived on my own since I was 18 and my son was 4 months old. It was extremely hard but in the long run I believe that it made my relationship with my parents better, especially my mom. As for your situation that you are currently in, there is only so much that you can say. Set boundaries but also remember that it is important to pick your battles. Good luck!

I know exactly what you're going through. I went through some of the same things with my mother. The best thing to do if you don't like her rules is to move out of her house. I know it's going to be hard, and you might haven't planned to move out yet; but you have to do what's in the best interest of you and your baby. I had my first child at age 15 and now I'm 20 with 3 kids. When I was pregnant with my oldest son, my mom acted the same way, and told me if I didn't like it I could leave, and that's what I did. A child is a gift from God, do't be ashammed or worried about what anyone says or thinks!

Yeah, I know exactly what you are going through. My mother backseat mothers my son all of the time. I was kicked out of my apartment with my ex when I was three months pregnant, and had to move in with her - I am 30 years old...

She is a LUNATIC! Always second guessing my every move, questioning everything I do, giving me the stink-eye whenever I go against her wishes. I have talked to her about it a million times and to no avail. I was in the Army, graduated from college, and now I am a mother, and STILL she treats me like I am my son's older sister instead of his mother. I am sick of it too.

She doesn't try to pass my son off as her own, probably because I am older, but the rest is right there with you. Control freak and all. My mother disrespects how I want to raise my son, and she is trapped in the 30 year old way of doing things. She doesn't realize (or doesn't want to, anyway) that people have learned to do things differently since then. It is a daily and constant battle. Arguments all of the time, and then when I defy her, she reverts to "Well, this is MY house." Well, she can have it as far as I'm concerned...

Buy this book: Children of the Self Absorbed: A Grownup's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents by Nina W. Brown. You can get it on Amazon.com. Seriously. It is extremely helpful in this area.

It doesn't stop this from happening, and it is not a panacea, but it does give you a better insight into why she is acting the way she is, which makes it less hurtful and easier to blow off.

You, and I, will NEVER be able to change our mothers - they are crazy. The only thing you can do is learn to deal with it until you can get the hell out of there.

As far as financial aid goes - the government "assumes" that your parents will foot the responsibility for your education. Why, I have no idea, since my mother didn't pay a dime...

Since you have a child, ask your financial aid office if you can file as independent. I know in Florida you have to be 24 to be considered out from under your parent's financial umbrella, which I think is garbage, but I think a child qualifies you to finally be considered an adult, even if your mom doesn't agree.

Call them and ask - all they can do is say no.

quote:

Originally posted by Jennifer L:
[qb]Has anyone happend to have anything like this to deal with?

My mother informed me that I should get a wedding ring so that people dont stare at her and me. <granted i am almost 22 i am not a little girl.. yet i dont look it.> She also suggested telling people that the baby is hers!!
I would never allow that and fliped when she said it. SHe also wont be called Nana or Grandma when the child is born. She wants to be called by the first name. <if any! she would probably want to be called mom by my child>

i dont know what to do because i live with her and my father. I can not leave. I have nothing! And i am still in nursing school so that as soon as i can.. i can start a better life for me and my baby! She pays for everything.. clothes and everything. if she doesn't like it... she wont get it.. even if i like it. She even has say in what i want to name the child. She FLIPED! when i said that I will name my child what i want to name it? i dont care wether they like it or not. She said i was being insensitive and horrible.
She tells me everyday that i ruined her life. That everything is not perfect anymore! I confronted her on this issue and she just says that I say horrible things about her. What things? i dont know. I didn't know it was a horrible thing to want to be the ONLY MOTHER to my OWN child?

Another issue... My child will be born looking asian. Will i have a problem with her telling people that she adopted this child? <she has always wanted to adopt a baby... and has said something like this in sooooo many words>

Help... Am i to crazy or is this something i am going to have to worry about. Will my mother be the mother to my child and not me?

[/qb]

OK It looks like you have gotten alot of good advise already (ie-move out!) But I wanted to add my experiences. My sister in law is 27, lives with her parents with her 6 yo son who has never met his dad, a druggy. My sis in law is dependent on her parents for childcare, food, clothes, everything even though she has a good job. She just likes getting 'stuff'. More importantly, she is not a good mother due to being dependent on drugs herself, and taking for granted the support she has from her parents. Here is what she does NOT KNOW: Her mom and step dad tell EVERYONE that if she tries to leave, they will take her to court over her son, call DFYS, do anything to ruin her. She does not deserve this. She would like to be independent, but will NEVER have the option to take her son due to her parents financial freedom to threaten her with taking her son away. Granted, she does have issues, and likes the fact that she lives and eats and is clothed for free, but maybie when she's 30 she will be a different person who is capable of parenting. By that time, her son will NOT even want to leave his spoiling grandparents. Get out. Live with financial aid, stamps, ect. Its not anything to be ashamed about.

There's not really a way to tell yet exactly what your baby will look like...it could look like anyone. But yes, I understand where you're coming from. My father acts the same way, except he wants nothing to do with my daughter. He just wants to control my life. He makes sure he tells me he hates me every day. I just deal by blocking him out. I'm as happy as I'll ever be. You should talk to your parents and allow them to come to terms with you on their own time. Good luck with your future child!

Jennifer

If I was you I would take my child and run, I was in a bad car crash nearly 4 years ago and my child had to go and stay with my Mum and Dad for a while...........she is still there as my Mum wont give her up and apparatenly if I try to get her back I will send her (Mum) mad, she seems to forget this is my child not hers. I love my little girl so much and she loves me, but beacuse my mum and I dont speak I only get to see her at the weekends, I always thought my mum was on my side, but really all she wanted was my child to raise.....I hate her.