Hey! True, once you're a mother, it is a lot easier to be on your own. Even Proverbs talks about two women in the same house. It sounds like a couple of things may be going on with your mother. Actually, she sounds like mine. I went through the same thing. As a matter of fact, she even threw a bowling pin at my head when I told her I was pregnant. As a mother now, I understand that it was not the "dream" she had for her "little girl" (I was 22). It took her several months to adjust. We barely spoke the first 4 or 5, and when we did, she was throwing stabs! I just kept on living, doing the best I could to make good choices for me and my unborn child. As my due date neared, she actually threw my biggest baby shower digging up friends I had not seen in years. But the day that baby got here, she was there right by my side. She and my daughter have one of the sweetest relationships I have ever seen and have since the day she was born. It was a nightmare for a while, but from my daughter's birth on, you would've never guess anyone was ever less than thrilled!

It sounds to me like your mother is thinking of only herself right now. Give her time to adjust and get over her anger and frustration. That baby is HER flesh and blood too. If she is such an idiot that she never forgives you--get out immediately because her attitude could affect your child's whole personality.

Hang in there! You'll be fine!

for education and financial aid. Since you have a dependent you are considered an independent and you do qualify for loans and such. There is a serious of questions they ask on the FAFSA if you have child (dependent) that you provide more than half the support for. Even though your parents pay for everything. All you have to do is check yes to that question and you are automatically considered an independent. So next time you fill out your FAFSA for check yes. Also if you don't have a job to get money to get out. Many places will let you take out personal loans while you are still in school. This can help you with buying things for your child and getting out on your own. As far as child care goes you probably qualify for child care assistance. I am 26 live with my parents and they pay for everything (except my schooling).. Even though they pay for everything when ever forms ask if I have a dependent that I support I say yes. Talk with you financial aid officers they can help you also talk to a welfare social worker or case manager. Do something to better youself to show up your mother. Also stay strong, don't give into her.

Shannon

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Chicagomom1:
[QB]for education and financial aid. Since you have a dependent you are considered an independent and you do qualify for loans and such. There is a serious of questions they ask on the FAFSA if you have child (dependent) that you provide more than half the support for. Even though your parents pay for everything. All you have to do is check yes to that question and you are automatically considered an independent. So next time you fill out your FAFSA for check yes. Also if you don't have a job to get money to get out. Many places will let you take out personal loans while you are still in school. This can help you with buying things for your child and getting out on your own. As far as child care goes you probably qualify for child care assistance. I am 26 live with my parents and they pay for everything (except my schooling).. Even though they pay for everything when ever forms ask if I have a dependent that I support I say yes. Talk with you financial aid officers they can help you also talk to a welfare social worker or case manager. Do something to better youself to show up your mother. Also stay strong, don't give into her.

Shannon

hey its me kara!
i just had to rate u a 5 star...i think you give out great information and support. im glad that you live around where i do. i would of called you like i said i was BUT my son has had a high fever for the last couple of days! he hasnt let me put him down or if he does fall asleep he is VERY ALERT and wakes when i move a touch. thank goodness this morning i took his temp and its broke! atleast i hope so...
did you say you had a job? what kind of work do you do if so? i really need to get out for my own sanity. i seem to notice it comes in waves. i have a very srong climb till i cant take it mentally and need to have at least a coulpe hours of peace to myself. this really hasnt happened yet. my dad is a person that thinks its selfish to think of yourself it should always be the baby baby baby. yeah i see that my child comes first but to be able to be a great mother i need to have my sanity right. i dont know why he thinks its not that great for me to get out and do what i please. ill be gone for about an hour and a half thats about it. I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE WARM WEATHER! id love love love to go to the city this summer with liam. his father lives right by the weiner circle. im sure you know what that is. all those workers in there that bitch and yell at 3 in the morning its so funny while they ask your order. hes seeing some girl i know he is. he says hes not dating her but you know its everthing with out the title or is boiling up to that point. its sad and hurts a lot i dont know why i am feeling still for him! if i really think of what he has done its not correct or normal it seems to still care for someone like that. but i do have to say he is a lot better than some of the men of other babies. then again there are a million more better than him too. he likes to go to this one bar i cant think of the name right now this early but its a phish name. thats where he hangs out all the time...go figure he loves phish. what type of music do you listen to? did you do anything for st. pats? well i better go. hope to talk to you soon. kara

Sorry you are going through all this. I'm SOMEWHAT going through it to with my dad. MY SON who is 4 months old CALLED HIM BAA BAAA 2 times aand he went crazy happy. I on the other hand was upset and pissed that he couldn't understand why I didn' want this to happen. I also breastfeed my son and give him water as well. But that's it and I told him I didn't want my son to eat anything else. But I found out he was giving him a bit of ice cream. Anyway this starts huge arguments because I am hot headed and am tired of him not respecting my wishes. Needless to say it seems like he has shor term memory or selective memory because he never seems to remember to not do these things. But that's it it doesn't go further then that which is good. So I kinda know how you feel.

Except your mom sounds extremely insensative not you. You have a right to be upset and worried. It wouldn't surprise me if she tried to go for custody. I guess the situation can only get better if you move out. But try sitting her down again and telling her this is your child and you are not ashamed of him and that you will be the only person to parent him/her. That you do appreciate all she does for you but she has to respect you and allow you to be a parent.

from what i've learned thru talking to or reading about other single parents it seems a decent percentage of us end up with our parents for atleast a short while.myself included.i flew solo for about a year and a half and figured out that my girls where not
getting enough from me and i was consistently wiped out at the end of the day.my mom had already offered her
assistance,but it felt kind of odd to be almost thirty and contemplating living with her.last fall my ibd acted up and at that point there really wasn't a choice anymore.
overall the benifits of having my mother help far outweigh the negatives.we don't always agree with each other.LOL and she likes to tell me how i do this wrong or do that wrong or that there's a better way.(she's probably right sometimes).the usual stuff parents do and did when you where growing up.however,my girls are happy she's around and so am i.it should only be for a couple years(i figure i should be able to handle it better once their both school age).
as for the original post.i'd say your mom has some definite issues.i would not wait too long to find a new place to call home.perhaps a roomate or assisted housing depending on your situation.don't wait for it to get worse.
good luck,chris

Hi, I am new to the board and I am so glad to see so many posts on similar situations as mine.

I have found myself living at home with my first child and in the midst of a divorce. I am over 30 and just feel like there is a bad stigma with living at home. I am trying to get my life together and my child is thriving but it has been hard dealing with my mother. It is much better but there is still a power struggle to control me like I am a child myself. I am in the process of trying to go back to school for a professional medical degree that will take 4 years and I just wonder should I try to move out. The problems is my husband adamantly tells me that my parents are not going to raise our son- funny since this is where he left me and refused to take us back to work on our marriage! At first I just kept thinking how can I move out but now I am thinking that this could be the best place for us while I go to school. My parents are loving and supporting.

The only drawback again is the power struggle between my mom and I. Maybe it will get better. It's ALOT better than it was a few months ago. I just wonder if there is anyone else out there feeling the same stigma. I just feel ashamed to be living at home with a child at my age. I also question whether I am not being an adult by being dependent on my parents. I am currently working part time and am able to pay my personal bills but not enough to contribute to the household. My parents don't expect any contribution from me. I am not looking for a full time job since I am concentrating on passing the entrance exam and staying with my child during all this transition. Any comments? Thanks for letting me vent.

helo ashleigh, I have had a similar issue wih my mother in law who supports her son in all he does and now that we are separated he has my son and a minder whilst i have little. if you have the time i would like to hear from you as we are both belfast girls. angela

Alright I'm new. I logged in to see if my situation was weird but some of you seem to have the same problems. My mother is crazy. She thinks that she is a better mom to my son and won't accept her situation, tries to turn my 5 yr-old against me. I am from Spain and I lived in Ireland with my boyfiend when I got pregnant. She hated him for that and drove him so crazy we broke our engagement. Then I went to the US and she begged me to come back. Now I live with her but i am about to move out, she tells me I do everything wrong w my child. My mom hits and breaks things lately. I'm concerned about her mental health. Living with her is ****, as my sole presence annoys her (textual words). She says she can't stand me and I've heard her say that since my little sister (7 yrs younger) was born. Can a mother not love her daughter? What's wrong with her?

HI

HOW R U DOING TODAY MADAM

I'm very sorry for your frustration. I had problems with my in-laws for years who never supported my husband and I in way whatsoever, but decided that they should try to run our household. It got pretty bad, unfortunately, but I decided to take the matter up with my children's pediatrician. Mental health is as important as physical health, and everyone is expected to act appropriately and whatever is in the best interest of children.