I came upon this revelation and I wanted to share it. Remember when we were kids and we read all those fairytales. Love at that moment was the greatest fantasy that anyone could have .
The thought of the white horse and the prince coming to sweep us up off our feet. That very glance given by the true love whomever it may have been was as if they knew without a shadow of a doubt they were going to spend the rest of their lives together. But what the fairytales never disclosed was what happened after ? After all was said and done and the words were spoke which is if you ask me is where the promblem begins.

Where do we go when all is already said. Once that initial being swept up off our feet and the initial chase is winding down. Is that when we stop trying we figure we already have our prize so no need to nurture.

I once came upon a couple sititng at a table at Denny's their silver hair and aged skin only told their story of age to well. They were sititng across the table the room around them was loud and uninviting. In the distant booth behind them kids were screaming adults returning the favor returning the favor. Still they remained quiet and as they looked into each other's eyes they found the peace that made the rest of the world obselete. No words spoken accept an occasional can you pass the salt. They remained sullen and completley enamored by one another. If you ask me it was love at first sight all over again. It's hard to be alone but it's even harder to be lonley with the one you love . May we all have a love that make up stop and appreciate the silence and the words that do not need to be spoken.

I knew there was a reason why I never read those things...lol. Between fairytales as little girls and cheesy romance novels as women, it's no wonder a lot of women make such poor choices in mates. They're all waiting for their knight in shining armor and guess what, he's not coming. Even the most in love of couples have to work at their relationship or it isn't going to last. Those screaming kids in the background? That's real life. Not always pretty but if you love eachother enough, you do your best to make it work. Watching a pair of horribly annoyed parents share a tired smile or just touch each other for reassurance. That's the fairytale I want.



God am I cynical or what?

quote:

Originally posted by BASICALLYAMY:
Watching a pair of horribly annoyed parents share a tired smile or just touch each other for reassurance. That's the fairytale I want.

I love that!

funny i was never a big fan of 'happily ever after' i even remember asking as a little girl "and then what?" my mom thought i was crazy. i would ask "did they get married? did they get a dog?" and other details details details.... sigh, yes, realizing now it is more than the alphabetized CDs that keeps me single

quote:

alphabetized CDs

By artist or album name...??

quote:

Originally posted by HannahsBoy:

quote:

alphabetized CDs

By artist or album name...??

funny you ask because this is literally the thing that made me say "it is ME!"

compilations are vertical by genre ie soundtracks, holiday, party, best of year, etc.
then single group/artist cds are horizontal by artst name first. then by issue date when i have more than one.

one day i was putting them away and was irritated because hotel california did not come out before deperadoooooooo nooooo it is me!

i aspire to be phoebe from friends, yet sadly, i am monica! <---- ok HB the gauntlet - whatcha gonna do with THAT line?

[/QUOTE]compilations are vertical by genre ie soundtracks, holiday, party, best of year, etc.
then single group/artist cds are horizontal by artst name first. then by issue date when i have more than one.

Sorry I asked......just swallow the pill it'll be fine...


i am monica! <---- ok HB the gauntlet - whatcha gonna do with THAT line?[/QUOTE]


Care for a cigar...just don't stain the red dress.....

no no no you dork
the sitcom thing.

quote:

Originally posted by LaurieDorey:
no no no you dork
the sitcom thing.

Well mention the name Monica and my boyhood thoughts turn to other things.....YAY BILL...

ok, what HB is avoiding, probably because his hands hurt when he types (dont even ask how? why? ewwww)is that one night i made a mary tyler moore reference calling him mr. grant. then realized i was more like rhoda than mary... we decided to see who fit which sitcom character the best. so overall i wish i were more like phoebe but am really more like monica...

so that's it, i'm off to make a new thread and we'll see how people see themselves as compared to how we see each other. FUN!

I always think of my grandparents. They were the last generation I've known to "make it work". They weren't perfect, they just accepted each other. And yes, they were happy.

quote:

Originally posted by BASICALLYAMY:
Watching a pair of horribly annoyed parents share a tired smile or just touch each other for reassurance. That's the fairytale I want.

yup

quote:

Originally posted by LaurieDorey:
compilations are vertical by genre ie soundtracks, holiday, party, best of year, etc.
then single group/artist cds are horizontal by artst name first. then by issue date when i have more than one.

DORK!

quote:

Originally posted by Moosey:
I always think of my grandparents. They were the last generation I've known to "make it work". They weren't perfect, they just accepted each other. And yes, they were happy.

I bring my grandparents up often, as an example of accepting commitment and finding happiness even though everything isn't perfect. In the case of my grandfather? I dunno *how* he made it through the marriage...seriously, my grandma turned into quite a nut. Yet he stayed with her, took care of her, and yes he was happy. Could he have been happier not taking care of a nut? Probably in some ways, but he probably would *not* have been happy overall as it would have meant that he had backed out of a promise that he'd made.

I think my parents' generation did a lot to kill this kind of commitment to marriage. It wasn't killed entirely, however. I remember in the govt complex where we lived after Bobby was born, there was a building full of severly crippled people. Some of them had able-bodied spouses that stayed with them in spite of the person they married now being quadriplegic or little more than a body on a gurney. People who agree to live the rest of their lives penniless and sexless, because they're sticking by the person to whom they said vows...they make me feel hope for humanity.

I've often said that I didn't blame my ex for leaving as much as I did society for telling her it was OK. There's this idea today, that you're doing a spouse a *favor* by giving up on a marriage then by sticking by your promise and finding a way to be happy inside it. That's how my ex put it anyway...she did me a favor because I'm no longer with someone who "loves me but isn't in love with me" and now I have a fucking chance to find someone else. Really, what happened, was that I got to spend every
minute trying to give my son everything a two-parent household has by myself, and feeling like a failure because it's impossible. Our son got cheated out of so much of his childhood, spending so much with babysitters and daycare and people who can't be paid enough to give the child the love/attention they need. The only person that benefitted was her. I used to get myself in trouble on forums, confronting women who were leaving (or about to leave) husbands who hadn't really done anything wrong but the women just didn't want to be with them anymore. So many of them think they're brave. A woman that leaves a battering husband without means for supporting herself is brave. When my parents generation started to kill the marriage committment, this is the kind of woman they had in mind. It's now come to be describe any woman that leaves any marriage, but really?
Backing out of a committment is as cowardly a thing as a person can do.

Later,
Bobby

PS - I spent a lot of time with a man and woman from India some months ago. They told me that the vast majority of marriages in their country are arranged still. They also insist that most of them stay together, and the couples are happy. Maybe this isn't a generational problem, as much as an American problem? I can't say that I'm looking forward to planned marriages, but it's nice that there's someplace where most people can be happy sticking with a mate without the "what if there's somebody better out there" thought entering their head...

Bigbobby I'm going to restrain myself from writing a long reply but yes, I agree it's an American problem. And a problem in the west as a whole. I won't point fingers because their is plenty of blame to go around. Men and women leave, men and women cheat, men and women take each other for granted. I don't hate America but I think something is broke in our culture. Everything is disposable, including people and relationships. Without getting to in depth, I think it's a symptom of consumerism and the "me" culture. And since I'm part of that culture I've got to address it in myself first.

quote:

Originally posted by BigBobby:
I've often said that I didn't blame my ex for leaving as much as I did society for telling her it was OK. There's this idea today, that you're doing a spouse a *favor* by giving up on a marriage then by sticking by your promise and finding a way to be happy inside it. That's how my ex put it anyway...she did me a favor because I'm no longer with someone who "loves me but isn't in love with me" and now I have a fucking chance to find someone else. Really, what happened, was that I got to spend every
minute trying to give my son everything a two-parent household has by myself, and feeling like a failure because it's impossible. Our son got cheated out of so much of his childhood, spending so much with babysitters and daycare and people who can't be paid enough to give the child the love/attention they need. The only person that benefitted was her. I used to get myself in trouble on forums, confronting women who were leaving (or about to leave) husbands who hadn't really done anything wrong but the women just didn't want to be with them anymore. So many of them think they're brave. A woman that leaves a battering husband without means for supporting herself is brave. When my parents generation started to kill the marriage committment, this is the kind of woman they had in mind. It's now come to be describe any woman that leaves any marriage, but really?
Backing out of a committment is as cowardly a thing as a person can do.

Later,
Bobby

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Bravo BB. You have nailed a very big thing here IMO. I also agree with what Moosey says. It isn't just a male or female problem. It is cultural and just look at how relationships between men and women are treated by the media. Real life is not a made for Lifetime movie.

I like the fairytale. I love the way two people can operate as a team. I've been watching Jon & Kate + 8 and their family dynamics amaze me. Sometimes Jon and Kate look like they can't stand each other.... and then you see the glitter in their eyes watching their children grow and laughing together at the little things their children come up with.

I remember a hospice nurse telling me how the older married couples seem to pass away the same year. I don't know if I will ever be blessed and so lucky to find someone (or be found) by someone where our lives would be so entwind together.