Hello to all of y'all who have sent emails, Im's or who have called me. I am sorry if any of you thought I was involved in any of this SFV bickering and arguing. I was not! I did know of what was going on, but not involved.

I am not in Iraq, tho I wish I was!! MY kids are great, except for Cody having strep throat. IT'S JUST ME!!!!

To be honest, there are/were things going on with ME on a more personal level. Something has happened in my life that truly broke my heart, but partly due to my own fault. I was not honest about 1 thing with someone I care deeply and strongly for and it just started making me doubt the PERSON who I thought I was. And started feeling I was "fake" because I wasn't completely honest with that person.

I so didn't want to come back to SFV, because I didn't want any of y'all to think of me as "fake"...even tho' none of you but a couple girls I talk to knew what was wrong with me. I was talking to another friend, that told me to just be honest with y'all and convinced me I needed to come back. I sooo missed this place and all of y'all.
I found a poem that touched my heart and some of how I have been feeling.

Lost Not Found
by Wendy LaTulippe

How to unravel this sentience of displacement;
Feeling as an object mislaid, discarded,
Forgotten with the keys and single gloves and
Tooth-marked pacifiers.
The sense that I am close to the X,
That the booty is there and me with no shovel.
Longing to both find the treasure and be one.
The irony is painful.
I cannot decipher this frustrated longing,
This impatient want.
Though my talents soar, my worth seems to drop,
Until my red-rimmed eyes cease to trickle
The tears that savor like salt on the corners
of my lips.
I would for one day gladly trade
Amusing wit for vain beauty,
Clever converse for sidelong glances,
A generous soul for tangible flesh.
So cruel sometimes to be this gender,
To have merit measured by mirrors.
Let me have the trick mirrors-
The ones that make me disappear.

Hmmm, this to me says that you are the type of person that is always striving to better herself.... what in the world could be wrong with that? Clearly you made a wrong step along the road, don't think for a moment that every person on earth doesn't do that. You are never alone and no matter what happens, once you let yourself believe the truth and let it out, it can only get better!

(((((HUGS))))) Nice to see you back!

WELCOME BACK LAURIE!!!!!!!! :huggies:

Gald to see you're back Laurie.

SPIRIT

Thank You Sue...well I have let all of it out and am working on making it better and believing it. It's already getting better and am happier than I was 3 days ago. I am taking the steps necessary but there is still a small issue on hand...but even as we speak I am seeing the light on it.
I have been thru a week long depression...I was having a very weak moment there for a while.
But again, thank u.

That poem's a good one, Laurie; very expressive.

A true friend/companion will judge us by who we are in our heart and soul, by what we do and say, no more or less. You found something and were brave enough to take a chance. Nothing fake about that or you.

Welcome back....

Hey Laurie, glad to see you're back, and feeling a whole lot better.

Laurie this brightened my day.
Glad you are feeling better and are back.

Mistakes I have made a few, regrets... I have some

Thanks Bin, Pook and Harmony.

Yeah, I believe I would be the guilty one of first assuming why it was you flew :0
Guess it was the timing and other things going on around here...........my bad.

But enough of that. Good to see you back

Welcome back laurie, as for me I would never think of you as fake, your a good person with a heart the size of the state you live in, never forget that. Peace

awwww jeez paul, dont make me cry....been doin enough of that lol. Hmmmm there has to be a song for this. hehe

quote:

Originally posted by Don:
[qb] Yeah, I believe I would be the guilty one of first assuming why it was you flew :0
Guess it was the timing and other things going on around here...........my bad.

But enough of that. Good to see you back [/qb]

Oh and to clarify, I'm only guilty of thinking you'd had enough of the bickering for a minute, have no clue what the "phony" part is about I just know you've been genuine in my eyes.

I was clueless as to why you left too, Laurie. I know very little about the bickering, and try not to find out more. I honestly thought you went to Iraq, I could have sworn I read you were waiting to go. I too, have no idea what the phony part is. All I know, is you've always had a kind word to say, and seemed like a sweet person to me. Glad you're back.

Thanks Pook and Don, well I am still trying to land a job n Iraq. I have been in touch with a recruiter and a very good frien of my moms. So we will see. Was hoping to already have been there. The process if ya have to wait for a job to open, a recruiter calls ya and schedules ya for orientation. All orientations are here in Houston and ya go thru 8 days of classes and appropriate paperwork, passport, the health physical and so on. If ya pass everything, u get ur passport and notified when u will fly.

I made it all the way thru orientation last Jan when I was gonna go...passed everything but couldnt go ...had to have surgery on hand.