I spent the past few days down with the flu. I was able to get my ex to say over and take care of the kids until they were in bed.

That experience made me realize how much she has changed. She seemed so angry and frustrated. I heard yelling at the kids. She was quite short with me for the little help I asked for. It was like we were just all an inconvenience for her. It's not even like she has a job yet. All she does is go to the gym and hang out with friends.

When I emerged from the room the house was a complete disaster. The little energy I had I put into cleaning up some. When she could see I was better she bolted off and mumbled something about "the kids don't care if I'm around anymore".

I suppose I'm lucky I had the help but it has me worried now. I had hoped she wouldn't drift from us so much.

She kept telling me in the beginning that the boyfriend was going to buy her a big house so that the kids could stay over with them sometimes. I've seen zero effort as far as that goes. I want them to have a mom. It's so frustrating.

some times just having a mom to talk to on the phone is all they need. I relise we prolly feel different about our ex's but yea mine im happy that she aint around. it causes less stress and i dont have to put up with different parenting srtratagies such as her (no paernting at all, kids sit in dirty diapers alll day) and my stric a$s

I suppose all of us think our ex's have really changed. But I agree with Dallas on this one sometimes all my children have to hear is there daddy's voice on the phone. He also does not really change diapers when he is around. When he is not around I am not as stressed out.
Just be there for your children and sooner or later they will realize what your ex is really like.

She's sort of relegated herself to be the fun parent for the most part. She'll come over and take them out somewhere. I'm either working, helping with homework, making dinner, cleaning or putting them to bed. There doesn't seem to be any other time left.

As for homework, jeeze, they seem to be teaching kids stuff much earlier now. I'm wondering if Calculus and Quantum Mechanics will be taught in the 7th grade now. I walked in on a first grade class one time and they were studying surface tension.

I hear what you are saying Michail. My ex is here right know. He said he need to have fun with them. He asked where he could take them. Today they went to the toy store where he bought the oldest a medical kit because she has been sleeping in her big kid bed since Monday. Before I came upstairs I told him that the oldest needed a bath. I have a feeling I will be helping get both of them ready for bed.
I think are kids will realize some day why we were the ones with rules and had to do the cooking and cleaning. Well good luck.

I did get to have a nice time reading books and playing with blocks today. I had to sacrifice some cleaning and laundry though. I can't do it all .

So sorry to hear you were feeling ill.
Hopefully you are feeling better now.
I'm sorry that you feel her drifting away also, but just put yourself closer to your children, they are so much more important than anyone else.

Hope you feel better real soon. When kids get older....they'll know how important you were to them thru the years & remember lots of good times....even if you aren't the fun parent.

Hopefully she'll realize her kids need her & she'll grow up a little & give them the time & love they deserve. If not, all you can do is love them with all your heart.

OK, resurrecting this thread again but I just had a bad encounter with her again. Two of the kids stayed with her last night and she was in such a horrible, dark and vicious mood when she returned them. She took it out on me yet I've never done or said a single bad thing to her.

I'm still wondering what the **** happened to her? That's not the woman she used to be.

My best guess is the kids might be straining the relationship with her boy friend. The POS knew she had 3 kids before he decided to wreck our family. Another thing is I think she expects the mothering to come easy but the kids have some issues regarding what she did.

Anyway, I think I should do what the other fathers here have done. Which is to cut her off completely. Perhaps that's what she wants. I'd need child support from her to cover daycare but she doesn't work. Also, the idea of cutting her out of the family makes me really sick. I still see her as the woman she used to be.

Michail, until you see her for who she really is you will never be in the reality of the situation.. TRUST ME!!! I am so going through this now... I need to open my eyes to see my husband for the person HE really is not the person I want him to be.
See if you can talk to her and ask her what SHE wants from you. If she dont want to be a mom then don't push it on her. The people that will suffer are you and your children.
My problem is I know my husband wants a child so bad but he don't want to be a husband (at least not one I want). I feel guilty about trying to move away from him so I can move on with my life but its not my fault he didn't live up to our marriage vows..

That's my problem. I see her for what she was, not what she has become. Occasionally I see part of the old self in her. I seriously think she has something wrong in the head. What I saw today was twisted, evil and dark. She used to be so intensely loyal and loving towards me.

Her father ODd when she was 10 and her mother remarried 5 times. I guess she's seeking out the dysfunction from her childhood. That's not something I can provide.

quote:

Originally posted by Michail:
OK, resurrecting this thread again but I just had a bad encounter with her again. Two of the kids stayed with her last night and she was in such a horrible, dark and vicious mood when she returned them. She took it out on me yet I've never done or said a single bad thing to her.

I'm still wondering what the **** happened to her? That's not the woman she used to be.

My best guess is the kids might be straining the relationship with her boy friend. The POS knew she had 3 kids before he decided to wreck our family. Another thing is I think she expects the mothering to come easy but the kids have some issues regarding what she did.

Anyway, I think I should do what the other fathers here have done. Which is to cut her off completely. Perhaps that's what she wants. I'd need child support from her to cover daycare but she doesn't work. Also, the idea of cutting her out of the family makes me really sick. I still see her as the woman she used to be.

I hope im not making any one upset here but the POS wasnt the only one to wreck it. It takes two to tango as the saying goes and she was the other partner in the wreckage

quote:

Anyway, I think I should do what the other fathers here have done. Which is to cut her off completely. Perhaps that's what she wants. I'd need child support from her to cover daycare but she doesn't work. Also, the idea of cutting her out of the family makes me really sick. I still see her as the woman she used to be.

Michael, you do what you need to do so your children will not be cheated out of what they need. You can still seek child support even if she doesn't work. She has a potential earning capability and may be set at minimum wage at the least. Whether she gets a job or makes her new BF pay it. I don't see it as making her life misarble... you're trying to be a good parent.

quote:

Originally posted by Dallasblair82:
I hope im not making any one upset here but the POS wasnt the only one to wreck it. It takes two to tango as the saying goes and she was the other partner in the wreckage

No, I can understand that quite well. In fact if she had a new boyfriend I'd probably like him. I just don't have any respect for the guy since he came after her knowing she was a mom. She shot him down at first, she even had "a talk" with him (you know that talk women give). But he persisted and yes, she gave in eventually. So to me the guy is garbage. He hurt many people including my children.

On the other hand, perhaps some day I might think he did me a favor? You never know.

quote:

Originally posted by Tessmit:
She has a potential earning capability and may be set at minimum wage at the least. Whether she gets a job or makes her new BF pay it. I don't see it as making her life misarble... you're trying to be a good parent.

She finished school ($12K on me) and is waiting for Licensing from the state now. Her plan was to cooperate with family finances outside of any legal dealings. I'm wondering if she has the mental/emotional strength. She tends to be her own worst enemy.