So, for the last few weeks now the ex and I have been trying to figure out what's going to happen this summer, as far as day care goes.

The company that does on-site before/after school care, at the grade school, also does summer camp at the local middle school. I got the registration information a week ago Saturday, a couple days before the ex and her gf went on vacation. I gave her the calendar for the summer camp on Monday night (they left Tuesday morning). She didn't get a chance to look at it. It's one page, and takes all of 5 minutes to look over to see what our daughter might be interested in. So, she got back on Saturday, and stopped by to pick up some flip flops for Ash. We talked for a bit, and before they left I asked if she could set aside time over the weekend to discuss the summer camp thing, she said yes. So, last night about 8:30 I call her and leave a message about summer camp and to say goodnight to Ash. Ash calls me back about 9 when she's in bed, and I have to ask to talk to the ex about the summer camp. I was upset, we never got together, and then she said I should have brought out the calendar on Saturday, yes I should have but they were leaving so I asked for it to happen later. Then she said I should have run it over there yesterday (I'd already given her 2 chances to do this). Yesterday was mother's day, and I didn't want to interject into the day, and hoped she would take the initiative, after I asked her to set aside time, and contact me to do it. I should have known better.

It's due today, or Wednesday, not sure because I talked to the people and they said it's not due until Wednesday the 12th. Well today is the 12th. LOL!!!

So, is it just me? It was a fight, but I mostly kept my cool and told her why I was upset, that I had given her the opportunity and she didn't take it, and now it's the 11th hour.

Her priorities only include our daughter when it suits her. I understand she has a lot going on, but it doesn't take 2 hours to pack for a 4 day trip, and it only takes 5 minutes to look at the calendar.

So, we are getting together tonight so we look at with Ash, together. I'm so done with this woman, she's turning out to be a complete waste of my time, and I'm so glad I don't have to deal with her on a daily basis anymore.

Wow maybe my ex husband and your ex wife should meet sounds like they have a lot in common. At first I tried the same thing...to keep him involved and get his opinion about things. Then I realized I don't have to. I make the decisions that I feel our best for the boys and with the boys input and then tell him how much it's going to cost him. He has to pay half of everything, so the only way I can get him to pay up is to do everything myself. Sometimes you just have to go around them to get things done for the kids.

Well, we got it worked out civilly last night.

Also, it doesn't matter how I do things. It always seems like I'm the one that mentions things. She tends to fight me because it's my idea or my way. I've given her many chances to come up with her own way or ideas, and she just never gets back to me.

Also, she's wanting to sign up Ash for gymnastics, every Saturday during the summer. Now, last summer I signed her up for swimming lessons, and the Ex wouldn't take her because it was my idea. Well, the good person in me is going to pay for 1/2 the gymnastics and take her on the days I have her. It's more important to me that Ash is supported in what she's interested in than fighting about who's paying for what.

For the first time, last night when I left her place, I felt good. I was joking with her about stuff (the ex that is), but I walked away clean with no down feelings.

Way to go N4J!!! I really like how you put your daughters stuff before any issues w/ your EX!! The whole two wrongs don't make a right kinda philosophy!! The only one that gets hurt is Ash!! Keep up the positive feelings & I'm glad to hear you left her feeling Good!!! It's a loooong road & when it feels good it really helps doesn't it?!!! Sending you a huge HUG!!!

Thanks Jaylie!!

It did feel really good walking out of there head high, instead of moping. It helped that she went into her "I'm so funny mode, I just have to laugh at myself" that's her, not me. I can't stand it anymore, I put up with it before, but now I head for the door or ignore her. She does it to our daughter and her oldest, and nobody likes it. Most of the time it's not even funny. Saying this makes me realize how much I really don't miss her put downs and the way she would make me feel.

However, last night was another first on my own. My boss gave me tickets to the Brewer game (of course it was the old meet and greet before hand, but no biggie). We had tickets for the "Dew Deck" and other companies/outings were there as well. It felt odd but good being there on my own, there was a guy from my team there too, but you all know what I mean by "my own". It was good to go, and fit right in with my whole attitude right now, "I don't care about her or what she does, just take care of myself and Ash.

hi needforjoy...i am actually new to this site and i was randomly reading through posts and happen to come across several of yours. i gotta say without even knowing you, i am really proud of you. your posts show a small window into the growth that you've accomplished through your separation, and it is inspiring.
i happen to be going through somewhat of a similar situation with my ex, and reading your posts has helped me remember i am not alone in these yucky feelings. thank you.

Good job NFJ---stay strong, because as i know it is two steps forward and three steps back!! But, you will get there eventually!

Thank you Sunshine and Pann!!!

Sorry I haven't been around the last couple weeks. Nothing happened, just realized that all my pouting and complaining wasn't helping me to move on. So I took a step back and decided to just focus on me, work, studying and exercise.

I made a blunder on Memorial Day, actually sat with the my daughter, my mom, the ex, and her friend and the ex's mom, for a parade. Man was that tough. It worked out, but the feelings were almost unbearable.

Got through it by doing some fixing up of a screen door on the house (and my mom being the super duper supporter that she is). It was something that needed to happen though, for my daughter's sake, to see her parents able to go to an event and get along. It didn't help that the ex asked Ash to sit with her, while I was up throwing garbage away ... Arggghhhh.

Oh, I purchased a CD, and almost every song on it is my anthem for the summer. It's Theory of a Dead Man - Scars and Souvenirs, first song is my theme for the next couple weeks (it's a bit late, but better late than never). It's heavy - think Nikelback.

Chris

quote:

Originally posted by needforjoy:
Thanks Jaylie!!

It did feel really good walking out of there head high, instead of moping. It helped that she went into her "I'm so funny mode, I just have to laugh at myself" that's her, not me. I can't stand it anymore, I put up with it before, but now I head for the door or ignore her. She does it to our daughter and her oldest, and nobody likes it. Most of the time it's not even funny. Saying this makes me realize how much I really don't miss her put downs and the way she would make me feel.

Last night I cracked a joke, after I picked up Ash, and got the ole' response from the ex, "That's so funny I forgot to laugh". I hated whenever she used to say that, and I used to just put up with it. Last night however, I retorted with, "Oh yeah, never heard that one before". At least I try to stay fresh and original with the jokes I crack. Thought she moved out looking for change ... oh well, guess the only change she'll be finding is between the couch cushions ... da dum dum.

quote:

It was something that needed to happen though, for my daughter's sake, to see her parents able to go to an event and get along

Thats awesome....you're a great dad.....
Don't ever lose sight of this....

Thanks HB!!

It's what my parents didn't do well to start with right after their divorce. Now, however, we can all still do things together (birthdays, some holiday stuff) and it's good. I think I'll always hold some resentment, but it's getting buried deeper and deeper as time goes on.

Ash is the best thing for me and I have to try to be the same for her.

The bitterness will probably always be there to some extent but don't let it bend your vision.
Keep your eyes on your daughter.
We all make our own beds and where my daughter is concerned I don't want any wrinkles.
Mom on the other hand has made such an unkept mess that Hannah will probably never sleep in that bed again.

You're on the right track.....

Chris,

You know I've been following your posts for a long time, and I have to tell you that I like where you're headed...Your mood, attitude, and all around composure seems to be changing for the better. I am sensing a more upbeat tone in your postings, and it good to see that you are doing better....Keep up the good work...

Joey,

Thank you!! Having found this site and all of the great people on it has really helped. You have made a big impact on me, and I appreciate the tough words that I needed to hear, as well as all the support.

You guys tell it the way it is. You don't just praise to praise, but let people know if something doesn't sound right.

I know that I can come here when I fall, and get a helping hand to pull me back up onto my feet. I hope that I am able to do the same for others.

It definitely helps to think about the possibility of finding someone else. Now I just need to stop day dreaming about it, and act on it.

And yes, I feel as though I have turned a corner in all of this. Nothing but daylight ahead. A few clouds here and there, but definitely daylight!!!