I am having major problems with my son whenever he comes home from his father's. He acts almost like he hates me. Stays as far away from me as possible and glares at me, if I go near him he yells 'NO!' and turns away from me! He just turned 2 years old. So I don't know if it is just the whole terrible two stage or what. But, my feelings tell me that his father lets him get away with whatever he wants when he is over there and then when he comes home, realizes he won't get that luxury and gets mad about it. I'm not sure. His father also, just doesn't think too well...I don't know how to get it through his head that we are raising a kid, not competing for love. When my son was still only 18 months old, his father gave him, and was bragging about letting our son have a full can of Pepsi! And he has brought 2 women into his life since we have been apart, 9 months. This last weekend that he had him, when he brought him home Sunday night he told me that he hadn't had a nap and that he ate at 3:30! So we couldn't eat dinner at our normal time since he had just eaten a few hours ago. He was crabby from being overly tired and we went to a friend's house to pick up a birthday present for him and were gonna eat when we got home, around 7:30...well, he fell asleep in the car and would not allow me to wake him up for dinner! So he was waking up all night overly tired and hungry! And it took him even the next day to get back to his normal self. I don't know what to do. His father also has mentioned that the last few times our son has been over there, he has puked in the mornings. He has never done that for me...and this is how his father is, I started asking the basic questions about what he fed him, when he fed him, what they did after he ate, that type of thing, and he of course tried turning it around on me, saying I must've fed him something the night before, but these last two times, he actually had fed him the night before...or so I hope! I don't trust this man with my son anymore. His new girlfriend is getting him back into his old habits and seems just as immature as him, if not more so...definately not someone I want as my son's step-mother! So, if anyone has any suggestions I'd be happy to hear them! I am going to start seeing someone on how to deal with my son's behavior when he comes home and to talk about other things...and the lady that is referencing me to her, said that since I am so concerned about his parenting that he will eventually have to start seeing this lady too if he wants to keep unsupervised visits with our son. Hoping that will work. We haven't gone through the courts yet for the whole child support thing, I'm thinking I want to request he takes mandatory parenting classes. Think this might help? Thanks for your time!

Whew! This IS a very tough situation. It is very good that you are getting someone involved. Is this a mediator with the courts? It may be a good idea to try to push them into making the father take parenting classes. My ex was extremely abusive and there were issues when he was still having visitation with them. Something you must do is stay firm with your standards for your son. Yes I agree that the "twos" factor is there. But if you are providing him stability most of the time and then dad messes it all up, the little guy is very confused. Try very hard to set aside your feelings for your ex and the things he does and be a strong tower for your little boy. It is hard sometimes to have your child be so angry at you and have them withhold their love from you. But YOU don't have to do that. One of my sons was so mad at me and screaming and pitching a fit(and he was a couple of years older than two) I wasn't sure what to do, I just picked him up into my lap and held him tight. He is pretty strong and did not want me to hold him. Through the struggle,I just kept telling him I love you over and over. I told him I wasn't going to let him go and no matter what he does, I love him. Finally, he broke and held on to me and we both cried and it was better. And each time will get better. It hasn't been easy, but today even though they sometimes get angry, my children don't hate their dad because I refused to put them in that position. Eventually, he stopped coming around and that hurts them too. I cry with them, talk to them, and let them talk about their anger. But I won't allow them to stay in bitterness and wouldn't let my own bitterness guide my word to them. It seems that even though they have talked about it before, each year they have more to talk about and work out. Even though your guy is two, he will want to talk about it again and again. No matter how good or bad of a father this man is, don't let your feelings for him keep you from making wise decisions for your son. I hope this encourages you and just know you WILL make it throught this

It is very important that children have stability and constancy. You are trying to give your boy this and your ex is undoing everything in a matter of days. Now your son is reacting to the situation by becoming ill. This may be his way of coping. It's hard when a child so young is effected like this. Tell your sons Doctor what is going on ask if it could be his nerves or his inability to cope with such inconsistencies. The doctor will stear you in the right direction. Let your ex know that you plan on talking to the Doctor about these concerns, and ask if he would like to accompany you both to the appointment. You and your ex both need to work this out together for your son's sake.
Nessa

I know what your going through, My daughter and me went through the same problems with her mom. Everytime she came home there was a different guy in her life.I learned not to get mad or angry in front of her and I just asked her how she felt about it. She is only 4 years old and has a hard time understanding why mommy is with someone else. She tells me that she doesnt want to talk about it because mommy said that I would get mad. After reassuring that I wouldnt she told me everything. And still does to this day. I tell you it made me want to tear the walls down what with some of the things I heard. But I waited now she lives with me full time and sees her mom every other weekend. It was a long and hard battle. But I kept my cool and I think that is very important.