I have a small problem with the ex. He's got himeself a gf (fine: i don't care) but whenever something comes up that regarding her he treats me like crap. He acts like I'm an idiot. Instead od saying "she's going to be over, your welcome to be here but i understand if you'd feel uncomfotable" he just acts like a jerk, pisses me off and then I don't want to be around him or talk to him (at all). It doesn't help at all. I just wish he'd grow some balls and stop acting immature. Any suggestions as to how to deal with this behavior. He's fine the rest of the time he's only an ass when it comes to the gf.

Hey. You say that he's fine most of the time. If you said exactly what you posted to him, do you think he'd understand?

Is there a reason you need to be "over there"?

btw, ...Welcome to the forum.

i have tried to talk to him about it...nothig changed. I have to be over there as our daughter is 5 months old and brestfed. I occasionally don't have enough milk pumped for long visits. So i am there as a baby meal ticket. normally its not a problem to be over, this is the first time.

Wow...then I would confront him...with his girlfriend there. YOu know...Like:

"Why do you have to act this way in front of your girlfriend? I'm only here because our baby needs to be fed, otherwise I wouldnt bother you. Why cant you be nice for the short times that I have to be here? Did you ever stop to think that maybe your girlfriend doesnt like when you act this way?"

Other than that...I'm out of ideas...however I can say this...it is definitely a control mechanism and he is somehow feeling threatened...by what? I dont know. Maybe it something as simple as showing contempt for you to keep his GF from being concerned.

What Paul said at the end..... It could be that she (his gf) feels a bit threatened by you, being around him/having a baby together.....He could be just acting that way around her in an attempt to keep her from worrying about you and him getting back together. At least that's what I've personally been through, not acting that way as a defense mechanism but having someone feel insecure about ex's still being in the picture. Ex's, when they are parents, have to continue interacting with each other for the child and that's not always easy for the new gf/bf to just accept.

THIs topic gets me all fired up........Grrrrrr!!!


That is exactly what I have dealt with - almost since my ex got remarried (the jealous new woman in the picture).

SHE was actually the big instigator of a lot of fights between me and my ex. She still is but it is lessening as I have caught on to her game and gave up giving into her fears by giving her more fuel when I would defend myself.

She felt VERY threatened by me and still does once in a while when he chooses his kids over her (which hardly ever happens because my ex has no backbone and is a very lazy father). She either sees it as him choosing me and not her or she doesn't like the fact that I have had children with him and doesn't want to share him with anyone, which is a very scarry thought. Which is very selfish!!! What about the kids here???

My ex tells me that she doesn't think my ex and I should get along. She doesn't understand that we do get along. I only do for the kids' sake. Inside, I can't stand him!!! He is such a shmuck (and that is putting it mildly).

As for dealing with it -

If you let it roll off your back and not be affected by it then it'll piss em off more than saying anything and eventually they (she) will find that it is pointless. The baby is the most important factor in all of this. Restate that fact if they start anything with you. Just go over there and do what you gotta do and let them say and think anything they want to (record it, of course for future reference if anything happens).

It is a true blue display of the lack of maturity they have, especially on his part to let it happen or participate. Have confidence that you are not one to sink to that level or satisfy their need to b*tch about you by participating in your defense. It isn't going to work. They will just see it as more fuel for the fire.

Women can be ruthless if they think another woman is a threat to their relationship. They will fight till the cows come home!! It is just a waist of time to get into it with her and /or him and can get VERY ugly.

Look at it this way - it is their issue, not yours. It honestly has nothing to do with you even though you may be the topic, so to speak. It is her fears and jealousy.

No matter what happens in their relationship, you will still have to be in the picture with your child. This relationship could just be a 'thing' he is passing the time with. Why let that affect the baby's relationship with dear ole dad?

He could eventually come to his senses about it all and tell her to take a flying leap if she doesn't like it. Who wants to be with someone who doesn't trust you around your momma's child, anyway? Or, who doesn't support you having a descent relationship with your child's momma? Hmmmmm....he may eventually rethink that if it gets serious and if he cares enough.

If not....no sweat off your back! You won't have to deal with him outside of a courtroom very often if at all. The child will be the one who suffers if anything goes bad and that is a shame.

Every parent who lets it affect their relationship with their kids eventually pays for it, so if it does eventually go that way, don't get too discouraged. Unfortunately, it happens all the time.

It is maddening, but there is nothing you can do about it.

I would ignore it as best you can, vent here about it and let it go.

The GF is not the problem at all. I've never met her. He just doesn't know how to juggle an "ex" and a GF. So he just acts like an *** to me. Funny thing though I think he really doesn't know what he's doing with her or with ne. In a recent e mail from him he said "I would really love to get back to a point where we are two good friends who have a bady and can talk about anything together, and hang out without any tension". I'm thinking if you add some *** in to that formula you've got a RELATIONSHIP!!!

Pretty much!!!!

This is what you posted previously....

"I have tried to talk to him about it...nothig changed. I have to be over there as our daughter is 5 months old and brestfed. I occasionally don't have enough milk pumped for long visits. So i am there as a baby meal ticket. normally its not a problem to be over, this is the first time."


... and I took it as if you had to hang out at the homefront when his GF was around to breastfeed your daughter and that is why I made that assumption. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

Maybe because you merely exist the GF is making it hard on him. I dunno. I would ask him what is really up if he wants to be ammiccable again. He should explain himself. Otherwise it makes no sense and is very confusing.

oh, don't appologize. You couldn't have known.

I have a feeling he wants to "keep me on his shelf" so to speak. You know; bringing me out to play when he feels like it and putting me away when there's a new toy. It is very confusing. I honestly don't know think he knows he's doing it.

I will say he has since appologized for his icky behavior and has admitted that he delt with things poorly.

I can't believe that the s-- e-- x word is censored. Isn't that what got us all on this site to begin with?

quote:

Originally posted by Michelle7906:
I can't believe that the s-- e-- x word is censored. Isn't that what got us all on this site to begin with?

Hey,

There's an explanation in this thread.

I'm trying to figure out exactly what it takes to not be blocked by the most popular web filtering software. You know it's not easy to find that info? I'm going to e-mail the companies directly next week I think.

Later,
Bobby

quote:

I can't believe that the s-- e--x word is censored. Isn't that what got us all on this site to begin with?

What kind of statement is that? You've got the wrong site honey if that's what you think.

Lol! I think that she meant s** is what caused us all to be *parents*.

Not that's what we're all looking for when we came here!

Oh...well that would be 'intercourse' then of course
Thanks for clarifying

Thank you Big Bobby for clairifying on my behalf.