Got another e-mail from my daughters father. I did not even know about this motion for an evaluation. I guess this lawyer I retained means business. That is what I need. I do not want an evaluation, that costs lots of money, but I'm not going to say anything at this point. I need to speak to my lawyer. This is what I have for a response at this time. I have not sent it, I have put it before you all for your opinions. I also want to add to it, that he did not think of my daughter when she had a forensic evaluation for my brief explanation to her about the birds and the bees. RE: Just how it works not how it happens. She thanked me for it, explained it to her dad (who thought he had to wear a condom after I got pregnant, he, at 30 yrs. old.) and then accused me of sexual abuse.

"Marie, a couple of weeks ago I sent you an email asking you if we could continue with (the family therapist)or another therapist? Yesterday I got a copy of the motion requesting an evaluation. Are you really sure you want to put Sara through that? An evaluation will have a serious impact on Sara and all of us, but ESPECIALLY Sara. Is there any way you can either email me or we can sit down together with or without a third party to discuss what is bothering you? Sara wants both of her parents involved in her life. Doesn't she deserve that from us?"

(My response) not yet sent.
"Sara wants both of her parents involved in her life. Doesn't she deserve that from us?"

This has been my standpoint from the beginning.
Have I ever done anything to you that made you feel I didn't want you in Sara's life? Have I falsely accused you and your family? Called DCF on you? When I had vacation before we had a set schedule, and you asked if you were going to be able to see her in any of that time, did I deny you? When you needed me to come and get her after work on the weekends that I worked, because "I have a life, you know." Did I say no? Why do you think I am living in (this town), not (my home town) where all my family and friend's support is? One of the last actual "discussion's" you and I have ever had was when I bought my place here, and the things "we" were going to do to make all of this less stressful on Sara. You knew that I needed you and your family's help if I was to live here. You led me to believe I could count on it. Then, it got all turned around and twisted into me taking advantage of you.
I felt jaded when you, two years ago, said that this was "done. Lets do this together. It's time." Called my father and apologized to him. We went to (childs therapists)office and had us all believing it was over. We all felt that we could finally get on with our lives. Then the other shoe dropped once again. What has changed now that will make a difference when it obviously hasn't before?

-------------- Original message --------------

I would not respond to his email. You've already hired an attorney and responding to his email would make his/her job a little more difficult (at least speak to your attorney's office first)

Your response could be evidence that you are very hostile to him and difficult to talk to.... very easy to twist.

Yeah? It seemed hostile to you?
I am very worried about responding to him at this point. Maybe my response is better just saved to make me feel better not him?

Just for another person's opinion: I agree. Don't respond, let your lawyers do the talking. If you truly want to respond, send your email to your lawyer first and see what s/he says.

Good luck.

Honestly i don't think sending the email is going to hurt you either way. You haven't said anything that might be incriminating. If it's something you feel you want to get off your chest..then i don't see a problem with sending it. It's your call.

I don't think it seemed hostile. I can tell where you're coming from with the email.

I just know my EX would twist everything to his advantage and he likes to bait responses so everyone thinks he's a saint.

Lawyers are involved so leave the communication to them. It's past time for him to try to be reasonable.

I too would leave the communication to the lawyers. At this point anything you say will be twisted to his view point and then used against you.

Agreed that at this stage of it all and the past track record, let the lawyers do the communicating. If he is truly sincere about this stuff, he'll do so through the lawyers just as well. I think that if you get burned by someone enough times and they really want to make a change, they also just have to understand that you are going to be very cautious until that change is proven by them for a period of time. It's not so simple as to say "alright, since you say it is so, I'll instantly trust you again"

I'll add my voice to the chorus here and say Don't send the e-mail! Write out that stuff as much as you need to to feel better (doing that pretty much saved my sanity when I was going through it).

But don't engage him in conversation about these details. If you have to respond just to keep the peace, simply send a note that says something along the lines of "I got your e-mail. I see your point and I'll consider what you've asked."

That considering part could take months -- years! -- so you're not under any pressure. Stay out of the fray! Let the hired guys handle the fighting.

TSO - correct me if i'm wrong but i don't believe you're sending the email to accomplish anything other than getting a few things off your mind (not to try and reason with him-- which some seem to think). Again if you wish to send the email,..i don't see a problem with it. But obviously do what your lawyer suggests.

Like everyone has previously said....there's no need for you to even respond to your email. You hired an attorney, let them handle the stress your ex is giving you (it's their job at this point). All I would do in regards t email....is forward your ex's email to your attorney and leave it at that.

We're all here for you...good luck!

I already typed this response last night, but the little one came by and with one hit of the keys, it was gone.
So, jwriter, does that mean your not going through it anymore? When does it end? You and Cailin are right. I'm writing it more for me, and I'll just write out what I feel and keep it for myself. I think he's still just in disbelief about me doing this, and is still trying to do what ever worked before to get me to back down. Don't you like how he's trying to use my daughter to get to my emotional side?
I talked to my lawyer, and he said to tell him to call him. This lawyer is really aggressive. Best money I've spent yet. I'm also going to meet with the lawyer next week before we go to court so I can get a clear picture of what's going to happen. I don't want anything more than what I deserve. I'm not trying to start WW3.

quote:

This lawyer is really aggressive. Best money I've spent yet.

I totally agree with you! My lawyer cost me my left leg and arm (need the right leg and arm to drive) and a kidney. But I swear if I had to do it all over again I'd pay him more than what I did. Although it took me 3 years, my attorney took away a good majority of the stress my ex put upon me and he got rid of 250 lbs of gross dirty baggage LMAO

quote:

Originally posted by Tessmit:
Your response could be evidence that you are very hostile to him and difficult to talk to.... very easy to twist.

I agree. You'll give him a lot of room to manipulate if you send him your reply. Don't say a word. It'll make him uncomfortable. lol

He's pressing your buttons again .. it's almost working too. Don't let it.