Maybe I need a guy's perspective on this one.

You know how we all have that certain someone from our past we often think about? The one that 'got away' sort of speak? Ok..

I've got a certain someone who comes to mind periodically. We knew each other in highschool and he broke my heart. I was devasted for years and then ten years later he contacted me through classmates.com with an apology. I accepted. We became good friends for several years through email and the odd phone call and made plans to get together a few times. Although I accepted his apology I couldn't muster enough courage to face him so I ended up cancelling our plans. We flirted with each other for quite some time until it became one of those potential meaningless flings I couldn't follow through with. I basically told him that I wanted something more from him and I didn't hear from him after that.. at least for a year.

Then he started inviting me to these friend-based/dating sites (myspace, etc). I accepted his invitations but he pretty much ignored me. He'd also send me these dry emails about his life but wouldn't aknowledge anything I had to say. After a period of silence he then sends me his new email address in a generic email. Talk about mixed messages.

So last year I decided to delete all of my web pages. I just didn't want him keeping tabs on my life anymore, nor was I eager to know the fun he was having with his. What's the point right?

Here's the current:
Today I received yet another invitation from yet another site. I don't understand it. I don't know why I can't decline his offer. A part of me still does but not like this. The funny part is I was actually thinking about him all morning before I even checked my email - and there he was. It's like we've got this telepathic bond or something. Weird.

My question is, what's his motive? Is he testing to see if I'll respond as a means to stroke his ego? Also, his profile didn't state whether or not he was single or in a relationship like he usually does so I'm thinking he's dating someone right now .. hence my confusion. Why can't I just let this one go?

WTF?

quote:

Originally posted by miss jes:
.... Also, his profile didn't state whether or not he was single or in a relationship like he usually does so I'm thinking he's dating someone right now .. hence my confusion.

WTF?

Well...I dont know if you saw my post of that special someone from my past...but....well.....

Call me suspicious...but this guy sounds married....and if he never responds to you....then his SO cant say he ever took you seriously. The generic invitations are just that....not HIS words.

I'd stay away...completely.

Maybe it just feeds his ego to know that you liked him. Or maybe he's just keeping you in his sights in case he ever decides to get serious. Or maybe he's waiting for you to change your mind and just have a simple meaningless fling.

Men. I dont get em.

Oh no, he's not married. I know just about everything else about him - either through him or through the grapevine. I'm thinking he's in a relationhip but I'm guessing not a serious one as he didn't state it in his profile. He goes through women like water I'm sure. They're attractive too so why pick on me?

quote:

Originally posted by missabb:
Maybe it just feeds his ego to know that you liked him. Or maybe he's just keeping you in his sights in case he ever decides to get serious. Or maybe he's waiting for you to change your mind and just have a simple meaningless fling.

Men. I dont get em.

Well I don't think he would ever date a single mom and I used to think that was the reason why he kept his distance. When we were 'friends', I sent him a photo of my son and he didn't acknowledge it at all. It hurt.

I'm thinking maybe it's an ego thing but he knows I had strong feelings for him. He was my first love really and vise versa even though we didn't really date all that much. I've invested so much time on a guy who probably never deserved it in the first place .. but then, he keeps coming back. I'm not complaining really. In fact I don't even really mind. I just want to know where he's coming from.

OR, maybe these sites have a generic invitation where you can invite everyone on your list without you even having to surf through it.. Maybe he didn't even realize he invited me until I accepted?

I'm thinking maybe it's an ego thing but he knows I had strong feelings for him. He was my first love really and vise versa even though we didn't really date all that much. ...[/QUOTE]

Yep...sounds like he's messing with your head.

The way I see it...you have 2 choices.

A. Ignore him completely.
B. Figure out how mess with him back.

From personal experience, websites like Myspace are usualy just for fun and touching base with old friends occassionally. Hey, it's fun to see what people are up to nowadays. From what you say it sounds to me this might be the case. Personally, I have messaged people on myspace that I haven't heard from in years, just for fun, meaning nothing more and then I usually don't have any contact with them again. Maybe I'll message them a while from now just to see how they are. Nothing more. That's how it works a lot on those sites. Just my opinion.

Another thing about myspace...the people I know on there, are proud of having as many friends as possible. I dunno...I'm not on there, but if the size of your friend's list is a status symbol, your friend may be motivated to just get as many people on his as possible...

I imagine that guys also like to get as many women on their lists as possible. You know...when it looks like you already know all sorts of women, it makes it easier to meet more...

Definitely a status thing .. I got suckered in again.

I see red flags with this guy.

You have some good memories of the flirting days...I take 'em and run.

A relationship is hard enough to maintain let alone someone who plays games before you're even together.

When I read your message, I had to post this. The same exact thing happened to me. I'll tell you what happened in my experience. He also went through women like water and he was just looking for a f buddy. I had gained weight since high school, so i was terrified to meet him but I thought, as much as I've been through, I don't care. I did meet up with him and we met at a bowling alley. We sat in the parking lot talking and he got on this tangent about how friends could be friends with benefits. I was like uh, huh. At that point when he said was like the teacher on the Peanuts and I pretty much tuned him out. I'm not sure if this is what he's lookign for in yoru case, but honestly, he sounds like he's trying to stroke his ego. I know that the two of you have a history, but you deserve a man that's better to you than this guy. He sounds as if he just wants to know that you are there waiting for him to contact you. You were right in deleting all your information from those sites, you need to be strong and stick to that! I know it's hard being alone, but I'm an optimist and I believe that there is someone out there that won't play this games. You have to think of your child in all this and what if you did start dating and he flaked out on your and they got attached. I'm always thinking about that in the back of my mind, so they have to be really worthy before I will let any guy meet my child. (When I am to that point, my daughter is only 3 months old.) I hope that it helps!

He is playing with you hun....a man who knows what he wants, wouldn't do things to make you guess...he would come right out and either say it, or at least do something to make it pretty clear what he would like.

I like Paul's answer.

Also come to think of it, I did have a similar experience as you. What came of it, was when I cancelled most likely out of fear or for whatever reason at the time I changed my mind, he took it very personally and played very similar games. He explained to me it was because he was hurt and wanted me to know what it felt like......well Grow up is all I have to say to these men. LOL

Paul by the way...I wanted to say that your inputs have been very valuable to many women here on the site. It is great that you are sharing your wisdom from a man's perpective. At least I think so...

Miranda