I've been reading some of the posts on problems with ex's. I can only hope that my situation will be one where my ex and I stick with our agreement to each other.

We broke up in June, and she's just now moving out this weekend. We had some terrible fights over the summer and I got to the point where I went to a lawyer and got the paperwork to file for custody. We had discussed doing it ourselves, but my level of trust with her is shot. The only thing I can trust her to do is go out on Saturday night. Which should calm down now that she's bought a house and will have to make all the payments, which she hasn't done for 8 years.

Basically we've agreed to 50/50 custody of our daughter. She also has an older daughter from before I met her.

I've been trying to win her back, but I'm stupid when it comes to romance. Anyway, my hope was that we all stay together and work things out. I put my daughter to be virtually every night (I read and sing to her) and get her up every morning. Since June, there have been many nights where it was just my daughter and myself at home. Now, she wants to take her the day she moves out, because it's the big moving day. Our daughter, who is 6, thinks it's going to be a big adventure. So, I guess that's not a bad thing. I just have a hard time letting her just take her Sunday night. I've always had a hard time saying no to this woman, and she's used to getting what she wants. I don't want to make a big deal out of this and start a huge fight. Thing is, there's a lot of emotion tied up in this for me. I'm devastated that she is moving out, I'm going to be helping to mover her stuff too, then on top of that pain, she wants to take Ash that night. Am I making too big a deal out of this?

I see why you want to be with your daughter that night. It's comfort. I hope you two can stick to your agreement. But be prepared in case it goes another way.

You're right wish, it is comfort. I've been very uncomfortable since she told me what was going on back in May.

My big fear is that I will be relegated to every other weekend only. My daughter means so much to me. I don't want to only see her a couple days a month. I'll take what I get though, just so that I can be an influence in her life.

It's a tough situation and our thoughts are with you. You may want to suggest to your ex that maybe you should keep your daughter until she gets settled for the first few days - week and then she should go with her for the next week, etc. depending upon your agreement.

Either way, my thoughts are with you and it's refreshing to see you feel so strongly about your daughter.

Take care.

We have an appointment to discuss the schedule tonight. We'll see how that goes ...

She can be very stubborn and go off the deep end if she doesn't get what she wants.

Try to appeal to the fact that she has a lot of work to do and you think it would make the transition easier for her and your daughter if you keep her the first night until she gets settled? I wouldn't approach it with a "this is what I think we should do..." more of a "what are your plans for setting up the house, etc." Let her talk and see how the tone goes...then, depending upon that, suggest that maybe it would be better if your daughter stayed with you that night so she could get things together, etc. you know she's going to be tired, you're daughter should get a good night's rest so she will be in a good mood when she see's her mom," etc. Don't lay it on too thick but acknowledge that you understand that it's a transition for everyone and you think the best thing to do is make it the least traumatic for your daughter. She should take that into consideration if she doesn't fly off the handle first.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Caitlin

that sounds like a great way of doing it. i know i'll mess it up and we'll end up in a fight anyway.

no matter how hard i try, i can't say the right thing. it always comes out flavored with my best interests. and here i think i'm pretty good when it come to taking others feelings into consideration.

i've come to realize that no matter what i do or say, it's never the right thing with her, even if it was something she asked for.

I agree and believe that Caitlin gave you great advice. Maybe before you should write it down the way you would like to word it, then maybe it will help you express it easier later. Just a thought. I do that sometimes, when I really want to get something out a certain way.

Great advice from you both!!

I'll try to remember to write something down before leaving work.

We are going to her new house to see if I want the washer and dryer tonight. Maybe we can have a little discussion about this then.

Will let you know how it goes.

Chris

I hope it goes well. Luck to you.

I would be very weary in your situation. I am not saying to do anything, just be very very cautious. ANYTHING that the two of you may agree upon as far as time with your daughter, you need to get IN WRITING and BOTH of your signatures on it. I don't know if you were married or not, but in the case that you weren't, in IL if you are not married, the MOTHER currently has custody. There are some steps that you will need to take as a father to prove that you are in fact her father should things go towards a custody battle.

I just went through this very traumatic experience myself, and ended up with full custody of my son, but it was a rough rough fight. If you are truly scared about ending up with only every other weekend, I suggest get as much as you can in writing.

No, we weren't married. It will harder than **** to get her to sign anything.

As far as proving I'm the father, my name is on the birth certificate. I have a lawyer, who mentioned that I should get proof of paternity, once I told her that my name was on the b.c. she seemed ok with that.

How did yout get full custody, if you don't mind my asking?

From what I know, getting it in writing doesn't mean squat anyway. At least not as far as the police being able to enforce it. It needs to be court ordered.

BTW, Now I'm really scared I'll only see her every couple weekends. God, I never wanted to be a single parent.

Also, in talking with my lawyer, custody is still looked at by the courts as the best interests of the child. I've also been told that the courts will pretty much go with what the parents want, unless they can't agree on something.

It is very scary at first, and always hard. But things will get better.