Warning - this could be *very* lengthy.

I'm Kathleen, and I'm SO glad I found this Web site. I've been divorced for just under a year, and have a wonderful 5-year-old son. Currently, my ex lives very close by, and sees our son quite frequently.

One of the conditions of my ex's visitation is that he's supposed to be in therapy (it's a LONG story, which I may share some other time), but he hasn't been - in nearly a year. I've left it alone, because my son loves seeing his dad, and things seemed to be okay.

We've made an effort to spend all holidays and our son's birthday's together, and our son has adjusted really well. By the way, my ex-husband has been chronically unemployed (ever since he was ordered to pay child support - what a coincidence!), and I haven't seen a dime from him in two months (not really relevant to the discussion, but it gives you a pretty good picture of how responsible he is).

Well, Friday he informed me that he's getting married to a woman he's seen all of TWICE. Not only is he getting married, but he's moving to Missouri to live with her and her two children.

Never mind that I'm quite convinced that they're both insane, what about his son??? He's convinced that this will be good for our son, because now "He'll see that his dad is happy." As if a five-year-old cares about that!

I have several big problems here: First, the obvious, which is that my son is going to think (correctly, apparently) that his dad loves this woman more than he loves DS. Second, I have to travel on occasion for my job (which I'm not about to leave, with the economy being how it is - it's critical that *one* of us be able to take care of this child), and have NO family within 500 miles. Nor do I really have any friends here, having relocated to Tennessee several years ago - I spend all my time working or taking care of my son. So how am I going to continue doing my job?

Last, but not least, I'm worried about myself - how can I *do* this? How can I have a social life (yes, my son is my top priority, but let's be realistic - if I don't get to play with grownups every now and then, I'll go nuts)? How do I do everything I need to do all by myself? I can't afford to hire a babysitter for occasional nights out, because my budget is extremely tight as it is.

I just don't understand how anyone could be willing to give up his relationship with his son over someone he's seen two times. I don't understand how he's willing to give up being a parent - because that's what he's doing - he's going to be nothing more than a sperm donor with visitation rights, which of course, he won't keep up with. The man doesn't have two nickels to rub together; how is he going to travel from Missouri to Tennessee every two weeks to see his son? And even if he *does*, what'll he do? Take him to a hotel???

Please, some suggestions? Advice? Support? There are no single parent support groups here in Middle Tennessee, and I really feel as if I've now been given way more than I can handle.

Kathleen,

Unfortunately there is not too much you can do about it. If he chooses to move then you need to make the best for you and your son. All of us single parents do this alone, usually with no support from the ex. So you should count your blessings for the time you did have. No, I don't understand how someone can leave their child, but it isn't our place to pysco-analyze, just make the most for our children and do the best we can with what we have. Most single parents at one time or another don't have a social life, we sacrifice that for the sake of our children. When you get yourself situated I am sure that you will fit your social life into your day. Explain to your son the best way you can that his dad does love him, he just needs to have this part of his life right now. You both should do the best you can to make your son feel loved, secure, etc. He shouldn't have to bear the brunt of your ex's shortcomings. I am sorry you guys are going through this, it sucks, but you will get through it and it will be your ex that will be missing out, not you. Good luck to you and take care.

Thanks, Hutch. I know you're right, but it's just so infuriating. And I agree, btw - as much as I despise my ex, my son has never heard and will never hear a single negative word about his dad. As far as DS is concerned, we get along swimmingly.

But I'll admit, the thought of doing this really and completely all alone is terrifying.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent, and thanks for your thoughts.

I know how you feel. Don't you sometimes just want to scream out to everyone what an a$$ our ex is! The sad part is I am still keeping my mouth shut for the sake of my youngest, but my oldest (15) already knows who and what her dad is. : ( You hang in there. *big hug and smile*