My ex totally forgot my youngest birthday, and I am not sure if it is just forgetfulness, or on purpose. My wife and my youngest used to fight all the time, my youngest girl doesn't put up with anyones crap, even her moms. My ex has went as far to tell the youngest that she was think of putting her in foster care, as if I would have let that one happen. This was before I got my girls, but still it makes me wonder, ugh I need a asprin. She has totally cut off almost all communication other then mail so I can't ask what the hell is up. She did sent the eldest a card. I just hope she doesn't screw up her relationship with her kids more then it allready is. Any Ideas?

I want to say it's between them, and has nothing to do with you.
Both of your girls are old enough to communicate or not communicate with their Mom in exact the same ways you can, or can't.
They're also old enough to know that adults have problems of their own.
And they're old enough to understand that you can't always explain what their mother does or doesn't do and why.
Of course you might talk about it with the girls, but more like an adult to another, or almost.
That's what I am thinking. Forgive me if I'm wrong.

No forgiveness needed. I just don't want my girls hurl in anyway, shape or form. So, if I can expedite matters I have to try.

Yes of course...
I don't think you should invent excuses for her though.
But I don't think you should take sides against her either, if that is at all possible.

I mean, I always knew my Dad was not a very good man, but now that he's been dead more than 10 years, my Mom talks bad about him, and even though she's factually right, I hate her for doing that.

I realize, this means walking a really really fine line sometimes, for the other parent.

lol, I don't make excuse for her, I let them draw their own conclusions. If you have ever seen any of my posts, I will never disparage my ex, and I try to stop people from stereo typing men. My girls know that I am annoyed with this, but thats as far as I go. I am the first to tell my girls its not her fault, she has a mental condition, which is true. I am not a bitter person, and I wouldn't let it do the damage I see sometimes. Sure, I am emotional about what has happend to my life/my girls life sometimes, I break down and cry sometimes, but I move on. Specially cause my girls see me crying and it upsets them. Well, I think I am rambling now, Peace.

Paul I have no doubt by reading your post your youngest daughter knows she is love.I also think the girls understand that there mom is sick and needs help.You cant make up for choices mom makes.So do what you do best tell your daughter that you are sorry about the situation but not a day would go by when dad doesnt love her enough and support her enough to get through the rough spots.Gail

Thx learning always, maybe I should remember this, lol, but it still annoys me.

Paul you are doing the right thing by making no excuses. I know it frustrates you because you know it hurts them but from a child of forgotten birthdays trust me the hurt goes away eventually and sadly to say it just becomes normal. My father lives in the same town as me and I even worked for him for a number of years and I dont recall once where he remembered my birthday. Sooner or later I just accepted the relationship I had with him to be what it was. You are there for them and that is what matters in the end.

Paul trust me I know how annoying it is.This year the ex promised my daughter a sponge bob cake,sponge bob pinuata.She went down on her birthday and he forgot it was her birthday.My heart bleeds for your daughter and mine.But the girl dont need to know how annoyed,angry,hurt we are.It is just our job to smile and let them know that they mean the world to us .Hugs Gail

Paul,
I agree with each of the posts above. It is evident you love your girls and they know that. It sounds as though you have a great relationship together and they understand their mother is mentally ill. Does your youngest understand that what has happened with her mom is not her fault? It sounds as though she is more mature than mom and mom is vieing for an apology from your daughter. Immature behavior and your daughter does not need to apologize for anything that was not her fault. Keep being a great dad and they will never doubt they are loved.
C

Well cause she is a girl, I tend to be annoyed, I know how emotional it is for women, and rarly are men as emotional as I can be. Not saying it is bad, but I have learned to look on all sides. I think all men should have at least one girl, so they can see all side.

I wish my ex wanted to see my daughters side.She hates going down there cause all dad does is make rude comments about women and when she tells him he just says I dont mean you.It really makes her uncomfortable and she is sick of his broken promises.She is the only girl of 4 kids.When it is dad,the boys and Destiny it gets really crude,they also like to make comments about me and my family that bothers her to.

Thats crap, maybe you should remind him where he would be without women. Less he is a clone.

Paul, I am 41 and Haven't been remembered by my mother since I was 16. We even live in the same town again (I moved away for a while). As a daughter, the hurt never really goes away...because we want a relationship with our mother, however, having a mother with mental issues does put some reasoning behind it (I know)Your daughter is young enough for it to still hurt, but having a loving Dad behind her and hopefully a sister with whom she is close to will help her. You can;t take away her hurt, but you can be there for her.

Sorry to say, sometimes, maybe once a year, I cry for my mom, who is dead. I am sorry for you momfoster, nothing can replace A parent. I am 47 and still, I have not come to grips with my mom passing. I will not let my daughters not know their mom, its that important to me. ugh, well before I state, I best quit.