Ok I am really upset. My 4 year old told me that at his dads house him and his brother call my ex husbands live in girlfriend "mommy". (and by the way his other son is not her bio child either) This is so inappropriate. Me and my ex have been getting along great the past few months for my son and now i am totally upset. Help! has anyone else been in this situation on how to confront your ex about this problem. I already talked to my son about it in a very positive way, but I am mad that my ex and his girlfriend would encourage this.

You have a right to be upset. This line shouldn't have been crossed especially since she can't even legitimately be called "step" mommy at this point. Based on your previous post it seems this gf is going to great lengths to insinuate herself as a your ex's next wife, using the boys in the process. It really shows immaturity and insensitivity to your feelings and those of your boys.

If your ex is a reasonable man then have a long talk with him. Ask him how he'd feel if u had a bf who insisted the boys call him "daddy." I bet he wouldn't like that one bit. Also, if this gf gets discarded (like his former relationships have gone) would this girl still have any involvement in the boys lives? I mean, if it wasn't for her relationship with him she wouldn't have any basis for a relationship with the boys, would she? Once thought out this really looks like the silly actions of a silly girl with the boys caught in between.

Ultimately, my guess is that your boys will resent this gf trying to assume titles and deference reserved for you only, and it will blow up in her face. This can't be good for your kids, and your ex needs to step up to the plate, be a man and decide what's in their best interest, and stop catering to this girl's foolishness.

Good luck...let us know how it goes.

That is horrible and would be really fed up if it was me. I agree with all the above post. I would be having a talk to their Dad
Good Luck

I understand your frustration and hurt and you are right. You have every right to be angry and upset although I would approach this very carefully as not to make it worse.
First What have you said to your boys about it? Have you told them that you would prefer them not to call her Mom? I would be careful with this one and try not to and force them to stop because if you do and then Dad says they should it will emotionally put the kids in the middle.
Then very gently have a talk with Dad. I might start with how great it is that the kids are comfortable with his girlfriend. How reasuring that is to you. Then go into how it hurts your feelings to have them call her Mom and if maybe they could come up with some other effectionate pet name for her instead. If he resists gently ask him how he would feel if the roles were reversed. You may also want to metion how he is disrespecting you by allowing it. You know him best and see what might work best for the situation.
I also know that sometimes people take offence right off so if he does not give you the answer you want right off give him some time to think about it. Tell him to please just think about it and how he would feel then leave it alone for a few weeks.
Also keep in mind that NO ONE can ever take your place in your childrens hearts no matter what they call someone else. Even if they continue to call her Mom they know who is Mom and as they grow will come to see this.
I wish you the best.
God bless.

Thanks everyone for the advice. I actually spoke to my son about it when he first mentioned it. I told him that I wasnt mad at anything, but that he should not be calling anyone else mom or mommy and that I was his mom. I told him that she was his friend and it was ok to love her, but she is not his mom. He seemed to understand right away. (By the way my ex's other son is not my bio son either, there is another ex girlfriend in the mix.

Ok so I approached my ex calmly and told him what my son said and asked if this was true. I was very nice and respectful in my tone. He denied that he calls her mommy, that he may slip from time to time and even calls him mommy, but that he calls her by her name. I put it out there to him that it is inapropriate for him to be doing this and its not his fault if he is not being corrected (by him or his girlfriend). He assured me that it wasnt happening. I told him that maybe my son does slip sometimes and thats what he was reffering to. I told my ex that yes it hurt my feelings and he said that he would never encourage him to do this. (even though when we were together he tried to get his other son to call me mom, and I thought that was wrong). He even thanked me for not calling him and making accusations and flying off the handle about it as his other ex does regarding thier son. We spoke yesterday about it again and he talked to his girlfriend about it and he said that she knows she is not his mother and that all she is trying to be is his friend. I feel a little better. I think I handled it ok. Im really trying to make this work but, it is so tough sometimes. Thanks everyone!!
mpbmom