Hi – I am new to this site and I quess looking for somewhere I can ventt my pain and get some feedback on how I can move forward.

I feel particularly out of sorts right now as my daughter went on holiday with her dad yesterday for the week. My daughters father left me a year ago and moved in with another woman straight away (which he only admitted a short while ago). My daughter was only just turned two at the time. and it was she who first confirmed my gut feeling about the platonic friend he was “boarding” with . Now I have to listen to my daughter tell me she loves her. I feel I am only one of her mummys And cant get over my anger towards him - for taking my daughter away from me (he insisted on shared care) . She was only a baby and now her earliest memories of being mothered will be me and another woman. How do I move on. It breaks my heart every day

Without a doubt I will support my daughter in her relationship with this other woman.Because this is what is best for her.

But you know what. When I separated there was all sorts of advise on how to help your children/ yourself adjust. But all seemed to assume children were older. I could find next to nothing aimed at separations where a child is so young. And certainly no advise or acknowledgement of the grief you could expect to feel and how to stop grieving for the baby you wont get to see grow up each day. This has been compounded because My ex has refused to communicate anything about my daughters day to day activities / and our
privacy laws protecting him meant he didn’t have to tell me anything! . I had to go to court to negotiate a parenting ordert which included amongst other things what we agree to communicate on. ( ie he has now agreed to discuss her daytime/ bedtime routine/ with me).

I am in my 40's and she is my only child . When I cry it is not because it is hard being a single parent (which it is!). But because I miss her and while I make every moment I have with her count. I grieve for all those special moments I am missing out on.

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Dear Jazmin,
You have my absolute sympathy. My daughter goes to the neighbors house for a few hours to play and I keep looking out the window waiting for her to come home.

I do have to say this, though. My daughter's father lives far away (across an ocean). And even though he calls her every week and he loves her and is a good father, it breaks both of our hearts that she is growing up not really seeing him on a regular basis. I often feel like I'm the lucky one-even though I do all the parenting, I get to have her with me every day. As hard as it may be, your daughter has two parents who see her alot and love her.

Things could be worse.

As far as how to stop missing her, good luck. I dont know how to do that. I doubt it is possible. But, maybe you could take up some hobby (yoga, clogging, knitting) to occupy yourself a bit while she's with her dad.

Your daughter is a very lucky girl to have a mom like you. Best wishes.

I'm sorry for the pain u feel. But u need to look at the bigger picture. This girlfriend is not going to be seen as an equal to YOU by your daughter. YOU are her mother, and this g/f is not even a "step" mother yet, based on what u posted. I sense that this g/f is probably going to great lengths to show her maternal skills as a way to cement her relationship with your ex. If it wasn't for her relationship with your ex this woman wouldn't have any feelings for your daughter whatsoever, would she?

As long as u r in your daughter's life NO ONE will ever replace you as mother. And your daughter will grow up knowing she has only one mother...you.

Missabb, Joe9656 -thanks for your thoughts. They help put the balance back where it is needed.

I support what you are saying. I quess I just want to have a hugee tantrum and say "what about me - it isn't fair"

I know I will only ever by her only mummy and god forbid i would never want to get in the way of her loving and being loved .... But.......... this other woman is nuturing and loving her and her earliest memories of being "mothered" will be of the 2 of us..... I know the situation could be so much worse. But how could my ex take my baby into his new relationship. She didnt need to have another mother figure.