I hate my ex i knew this was to good to be true i took my parenting class this past weekend and we had everything agreed on and surprise surprise he decides to try and change weekends and cancel this weekend i am so sick of this **** i am done trying to work with him he can't commit to anything except that stupid***** he is with!!!!!!!!!!! we were already for court so that we wouldn't have to pay for mediation well screw it i am done trying i will just pay for mediation i can't take it anymore i try to be nice and all i get is a slap in the face whatever i am just done

OK, breathe. A couple deep breaths.

It's not doing you a bit of good to hang onto anger like that, as justified as it may be. Just let it go. Do you believe in karma? In 'what goes around comes around?' People don't do stuff like what your ex is doing without it coming back to them in some way. And letting it go, living your life and refusing to let him drag you down is the BEST revenge.

melbear

I"M SO SORRY! I hate all this stuff. I promise it will get better. Just some ideas that work for me:
1. I can only control myself not my ex
2. i am a good person and i do good things
3. My ex is irrelevant in my life I associate with him as little as possible and ignore any harmful things he says / does
4. Today is today! Find a reason to smile today!

All that they said above me...


BUT...


I say you have every right to put your foot down here. What is good for you in this (consistency and living up to commitments) is good for the kids as well.

Mediation with people like your ex can be very... unfruitful. Heck, it can be down right assinine. My ex refused to agree to anything, if I suggested it. Just on that principle alone... because I said it.

Hopefully your ex isn't "one of those".


I say have your lawyer focus on getting something that is locked in stone. Anything that your ex wants to do outside of this framework can be drawn up by him at his cost in the form of a consent order and you guys can both sign off on it.

My ex is notorious for getting my daughter to Michigan promising this that and the other thing... and then once she has her... all bets are off. She even refused to return her to me in accordance with the court order while she was sitting in the room with the mediator right there. The mediator is there to reach a resolution... not to uphold what is fair or necessarily in the childs best interest.

You need to set some boundaries and make them solid... no more of the **** cuz it just brings more chaos into your life. Think of all the energy that is wasted on this scheduling **** just to never know if it is going to stick. What else could you be doing with all that energy and lack of frustration?


Protect yourself on this one.

Theres nothing wrong in keeping children away from a bad influence...even if it is the other parent.
Lets face reality...he's 28 and spends his days skateboarding.....need I say more....

Obviously doing whats right for your kids is good but sometimes we get lost in this idea that it's always about the kids. Keeping the kids away would also benefit YOU and theres nothing wrong with looking out for yourself as well as your kids.

Not taking action only enalbes him not to change.....

Hi-
Yes, I hung onto hope too that my ex would "step up" and do the right things when it came to Sofia. Guess what, he didn't take care of his responsibilities. I guess if he (and your ex) took care of their responsibilities appropriately, we would still be together with our exes! Once I got smart and stopped waiting around for him to decide what to do and to live up to his "promises", I said forget him and moved on and life is a lot better now.
So I definitely can relate to what you're saying.
All I can say is figure out what's best for you and your child and go with that. Your ex is a big boy, he can take care of himself.

-Teresa

Melbear,

If you already have a parenting plan in place, it may state specifically which time is YOURS and which time is HIS.

If you switch days, that is negotiable but you don't have to agree to it.

If he cannot make the appointed time, it's called a forfiet. He looses that time and you do not have to give him extra time because he couldn't make HIS scheduled time.

Shoot him an email each time he forfiets ... quick and simple, stating something like:

Dear (Deadbeat):

I'm sorry you couldn't make your scheduled time on April XX, 2008. The next scheduled visitation is on May XX, 2008. Please send advance notice if you will not be able to make it. Our divorce decree states if you cannot take take custody of our child by XX amount of time, you will have to wait until May XX, 2008 for your next visit.

Signed,

(Got a life, now get yours together)

IDK.... different states have different laws so read your visitation/parenting plan carefully.

let it go and move on.

You and yours deserve it and you will be so much better off.

I saw a great saying and it is SO true.......

"Hate is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die"................

I can feel the anger in your statements about him not taking his weekends. I was there, I was so angry that he got to "choose" when he took is son and I also got all up in arms. I fought with him about it nonstop-I cried when I missed nights out w/ friends and felt so sorry for myself. Then a friend set me straight. She looked at me firmly in the face and said "Do you want to be a mother" of course I replied. "Then accept that life is not fair and he has already choosen not to be a father and deal with it." So now if I have plans I make arrangements for a babysitter and guess what now that I have taken the pressure off of him to be a father, he sees his son more often and has even taken him on my days when I have called and asked is he could. You can force someone to be a dad and if he chooses he can walk away totally from your child. I'm not saying to coddle him but you may find that if you put up less of a fight he may own up a little easier.

OOps, that should say you can't force someone to be a dad.

Mediation didn't work for me ... I tried to be nice and meet my EX in the middle. Anyway, my modification got pushed through to the judge who finally signed off on it 6 months after the one time we tried to mediate (we agreed to terms then). My EX kept giving the judge a sad story and then he would tell me something else to make himself look "innocent" about missing paperwork and stalling the whole thing.

I agree with what Marielle says and her quote "hating is like drinking poison..." I don't invest time negotiating with my EX anymore.

It's not fun. I'm sorry you're going through it.

Hi PANN!!!!!
... ^
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(she makes a good point, too.)

thanks for tyhe advice its not like i want him to take him so i can do anything most days i stay home and clean....... its just once again i am stuck explaining to my son why he isn't seeing daddy.i have gotten to the point i don't even tell my son not that he likes to go it is a fight everytime i take him all he does is scream and cry then i get a phone call saying they can't calm him down. I am mad at the fact my son has no male influence in his life and the one that he sees is a piece of ****