Me and my husband just split up and we are getting divorced. The thing of it is i was stupid to stay with him because he was verbally, physically, and mentally abusive. I am going through counseling now, as of today, but i can honestly say for some weird reason i miss him. Can someone help me with this please?

You get used to being in that relationship, even love the person and it takes time to get over whether it was an abusive relationship, or if someone left us that we didn't want to see go. I've been in some terrible relationships that ending was a blessing, but still missed the person for sometime. It's not so weird....pretty natural, but stick to your new plan in life, counseling is a great thing, and it will get better.

Welcome Jen, you have come to a good place full of wonderfully supportive people.

From my experiance, it will take time, yes I know that is not what you want to hear, but time is what heals all pain. Know that you are not with him for good reason, and when you begin to miss him, remind yourself about all the reasons that you are no longer together. Stay strong and true to yourself, and you will be alright.

-J

When I start to miss my ex, who was also very emotionally and verbally abusive, I have a list of reasons why I had to get him out of my life that I read. Actually, for me it's a blog that I read but you can actually keep a list stuck on the fridge if you want.

It's been 7 mos. since I kicked him out for good, and I still miss many things about him. I find it especially hard when I'm feeling lonely or down because of some of the things he said that told me without him I'd always be alone.

The thing about an abuser...they are really not that intelligent except for the part when it comes to getting in your head and saying exactly what it'll take to continue to have control over you. EVEN WHEN THEY AREN'T around.

my father was abusive... well towards my mother, my sister, and my brother - but never to me. i figure the reasoning was that my mother was severely bi-polar and i was the only one she would allow around her when she got bad - also the one she wanted sent out of the house if she was planning on killing herself (so my father would send me to her instead ... how messed up is that!) He also has absolutely no recollection of ever laying a hand on us.

i think all of us are still hurt and always will be. my siblings and i maintain relationships and each have very different ways of going about it.

all i can say is... of course you love him. you may always love him. but you know that he IS NOT going to change. it is who he is. It would be one thing without children - you would be endangering your life and happiness, but now you are taking care of yours. Just keep remembering that. I don't doubt that you know what you need to do - it just sometimes helps to hear it said :huggies to you... i really do feel for you.


oh ... and be careful... it can be hard to break the pattern of of dating someone who is abusive. think of how you should be treated and don't settle for anything less.

Well, I just found out today that he has a girlfriend living with him in our home and he has been cheating on me. It really hurts but at least i found out now and that he has been lying to me the whole time. I just need to find a way to get him out of my mind for good. Does anyone have any suggestions? please, i need all the help i can get i am tired of crying over this jerk.

* imagine someone else living up to your expectations
* try an activity you have always wanted to do
* write a list of bad things about him
* look for new projects, hobbies
* redecorate
* spoil yourself
* write it down on paper (or in a wonderful online forum)
* try not to be alone
* call a supportive family member or friend
* watch a movie or read a book

those are just a few things that helped me, but nothing helps like the passage of time and a baby boy to focus on

What a great response me_and_alec!!!

JC, there is nothing that anyone can say to make you not miss him, but you have been given some wonderful advice, it is up to you to use it

We are here for you when you need support, or if you just need to vent, that always helps!

I want to thank everyone for your help and support and i am trying some of your suggestions. I don't have counseling again until next week and being able to come on here and know that i have support and i can talk openly helps. what's really bad is his girlfriend emailed me and he told her he was never married to me and that i was just some b**** he dated. i told her to call the court house but she refuses. at least he wont cheat on me ever again.

Refrain from communicating with his new g/f...what comes around goes around and he most likely will cheat on her too.

Knowing that is probably a fact..should bring some consolation to you. Do you really think that he is going to be better with her? Highly unlikely.

HE has serious issues and deserves a good ..........you know what. Leave them alone. Go for your own success in life and show who is better and more mature.