I spoke with my ex's mother this morning. She says if he doesn't go to jail next week, she's kicking him out anyway. I can't say I blame her at all, but I know what is coming. He is going to think he can just move right back in with me. He has no job and isn't trying to find one really. He'll sit in my house all day eating up my food, cranking up my heat as high as he wants, drink beer all day every day and throw fits if he doesn't have money for beer until I give in and buy it (and these tantrums can last for days! He'll wear me down until I give in). He'll leave messes all over the house and worst of all try to control my every move (which will result in endless arguing because I refuse to be controlled). He will leave the house as soon as I get home from work and come home either in a few hours or a few days with no explanation. He will think all of this is ok because I make enough money to support all of us and he'll truly believe that he's doing ME a favor because he will stay home with our daughter while i'm working. Of course I won't be allowing any of this to happen. When I packed up my house on 9-13-04 and left him with nothing but his clothes and his TV, I vowed never to go back. The problem is that we have a long history together and he's the father of my child. I DO care and telling him that he doesn't have a home is going to be harder than leaving him in the first place. He's 40 damn years old! Why did he become such a derilict? He was a responsible, working man when I met him and had everything he could ever need. I just don't understand why he threw EVERYTHING away!?!

astarte,
Stay strong and DON'T let him back in! Even though your daughter would probably love to have her dad around, he's not going to do much good for her if he's just sitting around and drinking all day. Maybe his mom finally kicking him out is the wake up call he needs. I don't know you, but if you're anything like me, you don't need any more added stress in your life! Good luck!
--Mel

This EXACT thing just happend to me! My Ex had no where to go and just thought he could move right back in with me. In his mind, he gave me child support that helped pay the bills, so technically this is his house too. Yes he actaully said this. I didn't let him back in, so he found a friend to stay with. But he lost it when I told him no. He screamed and threw things at me, all in front of the kids, and threatened to take me to court to get the kids (he doesn't even have a place to live where he can keep them) He eventually calmed down and things are better now. But I stood strong cause I knew it would just make things worse to have him there, he would never leave. So my advice is just say no! He may cause alot of problems at first, but in th long run it will be better for you and your daughter! Again, just my opion...

Oh believe me the answer will be no! LOL I just hate that i'll even be put in the position, you know? I've always had a bleeding heart, but now I know that my heart isn't always telling me the right thing if that makes any sense. It's still difficult to get tough. I'll do it though. At least his mom gave me a heads up so I had some time to prepare.

Why do we always feel that we are the the "bad guys" if we don't provide for them? (at least I do). For years I let my x come back and stay on my couch because he didn't have a place to sleep and it was snowing outside! I still let him come and eat when he is hungry, sometimes I wish that I was a cold hearted b***h so that I could just tell him to go get a job and support himself or point him in the direction of the homeless shelter! This was the man that on several occasions beat me so bad that I couldn't show my face in public for days, I let him drain me of every ounce of dignity that I had yet still I feel bad for him.... I will never get it. I do know that when I was letting him come and stay with me that I was just enabeling him to be a bum. Stay strong!

Sorry ladies...wish those never had to happen.

... I dont know what to say.

oh, no reason to be sorry PJ. I don't think that I would be the woman that I am today had my past been different. I have definitly learned from my mistakes and have become very strong. He knows never to try to hurt me again...it would not be pretty.

I don't understand it either! I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than get back together with him, but the moment he's in trouble it's my instinct to bail him out. I just refuse to do it this time. He's a grown, able-bodied man and there is no reason I should have to help him. It just breaks my heart that he's my daughter's father. Granted, he's a part of her life and he's a pretty good dad to her (emotionally, definitely not financially. LOL), but he doesn't set a good example for her as far as what a man should be.

Well Mashey...surely there could have been some other way...::thinking:: well, maybe not...It takes a lot of pressure to come up with a diamond as yourself. You fiance is a lucky guy. I'm glad you ARE who you are.

quote:

I don't think that I would be the woman that I am today had my past been different. I have definitly learned from my mistakes and have become very strong. He knows never to try to hurt me again...it would not be pretty.

This is so true, I always tell people I like the person I am today way better then the person I was before. I let him walk all over me and treat me like crap. Now I have no problem putting him in his place when he even starts with me. I was terrified about raising three babies alone at first and now I know I can do it and there's nothing to be afraid of. Maybe it sucks sometimes, but I am doing it on my own without him. (just his money! )

Having said that, my ex still comes over and eats and takes over my TV watching sports. When he got hurt at work I ran to the hospital and stayed with him. I think I just got so used to taking care of him and that it comes natural. There are no romantic feelings there, I guess I kinda pity him. He has nothing, and really no one. However that was HIS choice and won't take care of him forever...

quote:

Well Mashey...surely there could have been some other way...::thinking:: well, maybe not...It takes a lot of pressure to come up with a diamond as yourself

Your so smoothe PJ that must be why I like you so much.

Who knows 4strong.....it's who we are and what we are made of. Kind of ironic....fed my x dinner again tonite. Just can't stand to see someone go without.

You have the right frame of mind with your thinking...just keep in mind, your daughter might like having him around more, but she learns more from what YOU do than anyone else, would you ever want her to be in that position, letting some guy walk all over her and use her, cuz that's what he'd be doing to you...It's called TOUGH LOVE, and even if you do/don't care about him, enforce it for your daughters sake please!!