Before you read this, I'd like to ask for you not to judge...

I met my son's dad in University, we were introduced through a fellow student. From the get go, I learned that he was in a relationship. I tried to break things up, but he convinced me with the help of other people, that he was only living with her for the time being and that he did not love her, that she was evil, mean to him, etc... Since I knew that they had a two year old son, I asked him to leave me alone and that I would not feel at ease if he were to leave is son and girlfriend for me. Again, I was naively convinced that he had already planned to move before meeting me and that I had nothing to do with his decision to leave. Well, not long after we began "dating", I became pregrant. He convinced me that we should move together to another city. Of course, although pregrant, I left my family behind and moved to a new city, found a job and waited for him. I never heard from him throughout my pregnancy until I gave birth. He saw his son for a few days, and left again. Not long after, I received a phone call from his girlfriend. I learned that she too had been lied too, and had been told that I'm the one who pursued him... Although hurt by that story, she would like for him to be in my son's life and for our sons to be brothers. She too has been terribly hurt by him (he had had many affairs). Well how can I forgive someone who hurt me so much. I know I'm also at fault because I acted against my better judgement and I was rediculously naive (I laugh at myself when I think of that). But that story hurt so much. How can I let him in my son's life. He has not even paid for his mistakes, his girlfriend forgave him and now he's living his happy life with her and their son. How can I forgive when life seems so unfair?

Smile at life,

I really feel for you. Your story is not uncommon as I heard many many friends of mine who have cried over men who won't leave her. Even at my age, and I have a teenager, guys try that cr##. (I'm still living with her but I want out) If he's physically there, THEY are sharing a life even if it is of poor quality.

What do you do? You make lemon aid out of lemons.

You don't allow him to put ideas in your head when he's not going to follow through.

You don't let yourself get caught in the same lie again.

He may have some good qualities, but I've learned when someone shows you their true qualities--believe him the first time. (I think Maya Angelou said that)

Tessmit,
I am not crying because he ended up not leaving her. What gets me really mad is the fact that he lied to me, tricked me and made a fool out of me. He was selfish enough to convince me to leave my family and my work to follow him when he new that it was all a big lie. I'm also mad at myself for causing such hurt to a woman I don't even know. From my conversation with her, she seems far from being that evil person he depicted. Why do men always get away with that cr##... I really beleive in forgiveness, but sometimes it seems so hard.

On the bright side, at least I got a rainbow after my storm (my son).

You need to know that not only men tell lies and not only ladies get fooled. I let it happen to me twice by different females.

I did get 6 great kids and now 2 daughter in laws and a grandson.

quote:

I am not crying because he ended up not leaving her.

I didn't think you were.

quote:

I really beleive in forgiveness, but sometimes it seems so hard.

I don't think he's the only one you should consider forgiving. Think about forgiving yourself.

Forgive yourself for the errors you made.
Learn from them and move on.

I have found that holding the resentment and anger only holds you back in so many ways.

He is not trustworthy, I hope he changes his spots for all involved.
She ihas chosen to try again, I hope it isn't more of her life spent with a partner who is going to keep these very bad life choices.

Count your blessings and keep your contact as breif and minimal as possible that way you can heal and move on.

Hi,

you are not alone in how you feel. I left my ex when i was six months pregnant as he could be verbally abusive and aggressive at times and i was concerned for my baby. I still gave him chances, sent him money that I was saving for the baby, so he could pay bills and go to his mothers funeral. One month after the baby was born, he decided to tell me that he wanted a divorce and until now (one year and a half later), he hasn't bothered to see his child or even ask about her. I recently visited his family so they could meet my daughter and they told me that my ex has had four other children with three different women in the past 10 years. Shortly after my daughter was born, my ex had got another woman pregnant (even though we are seperated), and now has a three month old son. He never told me about any of this, I found out from his family.

Don't think that you are the only that feels that you were naive because I felt naive for beliving and trusting in this man who turned out to be good at decieiving not just me, but three other woman. There are so many woman out there that are being conned by men and their lies. And I am also asking myself how do I forgive this man for saying all these lies and how can I forgive him for not being a father to my daughter.

I know this sounds religious, but I picked up the bible and it talks about forgiveness and it says if somenoe does something wrong to you, then forgive them. Because those that are laughing also cry too.

I think about why my ex is the man he is today and why he does the things he does. And it has alot to do with his past life. I am not making excuses for what he did, I am just saying that he is a confused person himself and if he lives his life lying, he is making things worse for himself because those lies will come out. Not just by his actions but his personality. I had a strong instinct with him, that things weren't right. He was so good at convincing me to do things like leave my job and life overseas to go live with him, but he only does things half way and once he has his way, he stops caring and starts lying to get what he wants.

All u and I can do is wait and u will see that time will alow for us to forgive these liars. I think the most difficult part is that we have to explain their character to our children in the future, and how foolish we were to pick someone that would never be there for our children. We have a choice to be victims or survivors. As the previous note says, we need to forgive ourselves and we should forgive ourselves for making the wrong choice in men. But we need to move on and we need to see this as a learning experience. I dont know about u, but I am still scared about meeting someone else, and I dont trust my own judgement in men. I have a university degree but when it comes to meeting a guy, I really dont know how to pick them. But this isnt gonna stop me from having a life with someone else if I happen to meet MR Right. As long as we are still trying to forgive someone else and ourselves, we are delaying good things from happening in our lives.

How I forgive my ex, is my mind, I thank him for giving me such a beautiful and delightful little girl. I thank him for his wonderful family that have been so kind to me and my daughter. I thank him for the good moments that we did share for only a short time. And I dont want to hate him because that would mean that my daughter would never ever see her father again and I dont want to be the one responsible for making that happen. What I am trying to say is that everytime u feel hurt by him, just let whatever goodness u have in your heart take over those negative thoughts and think about the great future u can make for yourself and your child. Start to focus on other things that u can be excited about and that will keep you busy.

Don't waste time thinking about how to forgive you ex. ITs the hardest thing to do, but u will see that in the future, things will make sense to u and your ex's hurt and lies will not matter so much. Thats when u know that u have finally forgiven him.

I hope this helps.
Cond

good stuff,experience is a hard taskmaster but a truthful one...peace to all