My little sister, now 18, has been wanting to have a child since she was 13 years old. When she turned 16, she finally pulled it off. My nephew is now 16 months old and he's the best thing in mine and my mom's life right now.

However, my mom, her parents, and I are all extremely disappointed in the type of mother/"adult" my sister has turned out to be. She never seems to want to take any responsibility for my nephew. For example, I'll sometimes find him with a clean diaper, yet he hasn't even been cleaned. She'll sit him in his high chair to eat and go off outside to do something and forget he's inside, alone, eating. And she wil make him stay in bed until noon most days so she can sleep because she wanted to spend the night out partying.

Along those lines, she takes advantage of my mom and myself to watch him while she works, and she won't come home until 4 or 5 in the morning (she gets off at 11pm). When she does come home, she brings people over to party and drink. She sleeps around with her abusive ex, takes the baby over to his house at all hours of the night, etc.

And adult-wise, she can't even put a glass in the dishwasher after using it, let alone keep anything else cleaned up after herself.

That is only a taste of what things have been like, and my mom and I are at this breaking point where we don't know what to do anymore. She doesn't listen to anyone, and she only seems to want to look out for herself. It seems like the more we try, the more difficult she becomes, but we don't want to leave the baby to her "wrath" so to say, as it's entirely unfair to him that his mother can't grow up.

Any advice as to what to do regarding her behavior, her outlook on being a mom/adult, or wanting to party all the time would be appreciated. We just don't know what to do anymore. Please help.

Edit: A lot of her behavior is directly related to this abusive ex, who is my nephew's father. He's only in his life to use him against my sister, or my family, to get anything he wants. And somehow, she is always dumb enough to keep going back to him or sleeping with him.

First off, welcome to the site BSB.

You and your family are in a very hard situation. Your sister is very young and yes, she put herself in her situation on her own. There is not a thing in the world that any of you can say to make her change her feelings about the father, she has to come to the point in her life where she realizes that she doesn't need him. She most likely knows that she is doing the wrong things butisn't ready to face reality yet. She probably had this wonderful picture painted in her head of how her little "family" (herself, baby & the father) were going to turn out and when that didn't happen she is still trying to hold on to what she has left of it. Hopefully she will come to realize soon what can change her life around. In the meantime, all that you can do as a family is support her and make sure that she knows that you love her. Her baby is lucky to have you there.

By all means, i'm not suggesting that you let this continue happening and let the baby be in harms way. If she is partying around the baby or the baby is constantly dirty you may need to interviene. Talk to her about maybe taking a parenting class and offering to go with her. Let her know the harmful effects that this lifestyle can have on her baby. Make sure that she is aware that the courts can come in and take her child away.

That is a very difficult situation for most of us to answer because we don't see the entire picture.
I would in your shoes wiht the info you have provided, offer to take care of teh child on a full time basis (if you or your mom haven't done so already) and ask her to take the opportunity to perhaps grow up. If you nag her too much she may just leave with the child to an unkown address and I have seen that all too often. Perhaps come up with an offer she can't refuse: offering to take care of the child while she does something with her life, whatever dreams she has.
If this was brought to the attention of any medical, police or school, Children's Aid may remove the child from her home temporarily because by law, if you told any one of these professionals they have to report it...(at least in canada, and i am almost sure it is the same in the u.s.)

If a neighbour or one of her friends turned sour on her, they will most likely report her sooner or later, and the child may be removed.

So I would show her the possible consequences of her actions of what may happen if someone she knew did bring it to the attention of an authority person, IF she doesn't change now. It would be best if the child stayed in the family. So either she straightens herself out with some proper parenting classes, leaving the child in your mothers care or in your care until she straightens herself out. If she is involved in an abusive relationship, that partner will most likely be a road block for you to make arrangements for your sister and your nephew for both of their well being. An abuser may not want her to succeed in her life, and will see you or the mother as a threat to his controlling behaviours of her as you try to help both of them.

TELL HER TO STOP ACTING LIKE A HO AND TAKE CARE OF THAT BABY OR YOU WILL KICK HER *** YOURSELF...WELL YOU GET THE GENERAL GIST OF IT..