HI everyone.
I've got to get this off my chest. First, I talked to my daughter last night. She is with her father until Thurs. She always tells me how much she wants to be with me, and when I talked to her she was crying. She told me "not to tell daddy" that she was crying. She was scared about going to sleep, and wanted to be with me. I try to console her by saying that she can think of me in her heart. I stopped by her after school program today, just to comfort her, and say hi, because I miss her too. She was soo happy to see me. She really wanted to go with me, but I explained I'd pick her up tomorrow. She was crying when I left, and I wonder if I did the right thing to go see her like that? I wanted to let her know how much I love her, and I hope that by doing that it didnt make her missing me even worse? She was probably fine after I left, but still her getting upset hit me in the heart.
Next, her father is always at the bus stop when I have her. The other day, I get there, and the bus comes a few minutes later. Her father says, "Great job" like blaming me that the bus came a little early that morning. I try to remain calm, and hate to admit that sometimes he pushes my buttons. I said to him, "Maybe I dont want to see your ugly face every morning." Its true. He always has some comment to make, and I know I shouldnt let it bother me, but I go to work and go over what happened, and it does bother me. No matter how much I try to convince myself that it shouldnt.
Every time he has this video camera. At first I thought, "ok, for recording her going on the bus." Its been almost 3 weeks. Should he still be taping her every morning? I believe he is using it to find something on me. How I dress her, or the other morning, he says "Having breakfast in the car, Sara?" Like he's going to show someone and say what a bad mother I am. Hmmm. He works 24 hours/week, and at that he works from 3-11pm. He HAS the time to feed her breakfast at the table. Plus, he's got his mommy and girlfriend to give him a hand. I have to not only get my daughter ready, but myself as well, because I work more than 24 hours a week. I do this by myself. I asked my lawyer if I could just drop her off at shcool, because this is becoming unnerving. I can't. The agreement says, "at the bus stop." Damn!! It's really starting to get to me. I find myself asking, "am I doing anything wrong?" that he is going to pick up from these video tapes? Then again, doesnt this seem a little over the edge? He is spending so much time on me, why doesnt he use his time to spend with his girlfriend, or how to be a better example for his daughter? I know I'm not the only mother who gives her child some food in the car. He works so hard against me. Wouldnt it be better to work with me for our daughters sake? He's got his little taperecorder too. "She asked me about returning clothes, at 8:05 am." When I asked him, this was what he did. He did not reply, or even acknowledge me. Isnt this behavior a little unreasonable? It seems like it to me, but I could use some reassurance. He is such a FREAK!!

Ummm.
Saneone.
He is scary freaky.
Is there no way to have a restraining order against him. I don't see how this kind of behavior can be classed as anything but harassment and stalking.
Hugs and wishes to you!
Do you want me to mail you a magic wand?
I bought mine at the dollar store.
I make a quiet wish and wave it.
Makes me smile and breaks a negative mood.

Do you still have contact with the from your divorce? Even though the agreement says "at the bus stop" this is over the top stuff. If your daughter can't stand to be with him that should count for something. And why is she so distraught? Man that makes my skin crawl. Call the attorney if you can, or even the cops maybe.
Failing that I'll drive down and step on his neck.

quote:

Originally posted by binarian:
[qb] I'll drive down and step on his neck. [/qb]

Could you please come and do that? Just kidding.
I wasnt married to him, thank God.
Unfortunately there is nothing much I can do. I've learned this through experience, and the experiences of those on this site. If it cant be proven, then it doesnt exist. I just have to be patient, and go back to court. He makes him self look like *bad* every time, but still I get my doubts. What if he has all his "evidence" on me. I just dont have the time and patience to dedicate my life to proving him wrong. Why should I? I am not doing anything wrong. Then again, isnt he psychotic about proving me to be a bad mother? Like my lawyer said, if I was so bad, why isnt he going for sole custody? He's not the sharpest tool in the shed. The sharpest knife in the drawer. I love all these sayings.
I dont know what to do. Just tell it all in court, in the best way I can, and let his psychosis be seen as I know it will.
Did I do the right thing in seeing my daughter today though? I think I did, just for her sake. So that she knows mommy loves her and cares enough about her to see her on the day that I dont have her. I'm thinking about even volunteering for the program she's in just so I can see her on my days away from her.
When I think of all of this, I just get so bent out of shape that it hurts her most, yet he just cant stop it. He is so blinded by anger that he just cant see how much this hurts her.
To him, though, its all perfectly real, because he chooses to see it this way. Anyone I know, who sees me with my daughter says that I am such a good mother. The only one who doesnt say so, and doesnt see us together, is her father. When I go to court, I'm not going against him. Just the way he does things. There are things he doesnt like that I do, yet, there are things he does that I dont agree with. I just know how much to fight against. He is just grasping at straws with me. He'll use anything just to "get" me. I try to stay strong, but I just dont know how to deal with this freak. I've never had to come up against this. Its all new to me.
Its funny because I'm friends with all my ex's. They all, individually, want to come and mess with this guy. They all know me, despite what happened for them to become an ex, but they all support me, and tell me, "You never stood down before. You are the strongest woman I know." type of thing. They were all before I had her. Now I feel I have to be more careful. Now I am doing this by myself. I guess not, really if I have all this support, and the support of SFV.
Support. I need it. Give it to me as much as I can get.

Anytime. All the time. Want that Parents w/o Partners info I got? They would be a good support system too.

My son had some serious seperation issues for a while and what I did was give him something, maybe a friendship type necklace for you and your daughter, that he could carry with him and I had the same thing and everytime we looked at it we knew the other was thinking of us. That seemed to help him alot.

You ex sounds like a real dink and if Binarian will volunteer to step on his neck I would be glad to dispose of the body in the woodchipper.

Visiting your daughter is tough. Sometimes it's more upsetting because they have to go through the seperation thing all over again, but other times it gives them comfort. Your the mom, you'll know in your heart what to do, just listen to it.

The other thing I would strongly recommend is finding someone, maybe a child services type advocate that you can talk to and document this odd stuff too. Get a friend on your side so if he is planning to use something against you you'll already have some support in the system to go to. Also if you report his behavior now if you tries anything in the future like filing a bogus report on you they will be more likely to take your side and ignore it. Sounds to me like maybe he is a bit controlling? I would also start having your daughter see a child psychologist just to find out why she is so bothered at her dad's. She may not want to tell you because she may be afraid to hurt your feelings. When I first took my son I cried for two days because I had no idea the depth of his feelings and how off the mark they were. My son was only three at the time, so at age five I'm sure she is struggling with this. You also would have another person to call on if you needed.

Ooo! Ooo! Can I break his little kneecaps first??

You've got a long drive ahead of you

Yes, Yes to all your offers. Hee hee.
First I want to tell you what I found out today.
I took her to the park, and it was like 7pm when we were on our way out. "HE" calls, and says he wants to talk to me. Says, "Shouldnt she be at home getting ready for bed? What is she doing at the park?" I told him I didnt have to answer to him. Then my daughter tells me that his g/f is asking her "what does mommy feed you for breakfast in the morning?" GET A LIFE. These two have nothing better to do than to "find" something on me. My daughter tells them she doesnt know, she doesnt remember. If they want to know why not ask me? This is ridiculous. No wonder my head feels like its spinning. *** stay calm, stay calm***
Scoutmom. He's tried bogus reports, and has a reputation for it now. How many times the the boy call wolf before no one believes him? I want her to go to counseling, but he has not provided me with an insurance card for her. Dont worry, my lawyer is aware, and she has been in touch with his lawyer. It just makes him look bad, because when I carried her on my insurance, he had a card.
Newmom1. I think it was someone on this site that said they would like their ex to have one broken knee cap, and one broken ancle. Each on one leg. That would be good. hee hee.

Sounds like your daughter is a smart kid. GF keeps pressing her for info about what you do or don't do; your daughter perhaps recognizes it as a smear campaign in the makeing (not in so many words, of course) and it makes her feel horrible. That's my read, anyway.

Sane One, this guy is without a doubt a freak as you say. His previous attempts at false reports have failed as I figure these will also if that's what he's up to. He is really just digging himself a deeper hole to fall in to later on, like you said he's crying wolf.
My suggestion is to keep all this in a daily journal....not just his stuff but also at least a brief account of what her meals were, and park time or whatever. Yes, kind of a pain but that's what I would do if I were in your shoes with that type of "inquisition" going on around me. Other than that do try not to let it worry you, get your head spinning, you know you are doing a wonderful job with her, and with dealing with his stuff as well.

If only we really could just draw names out of a hat and trade off pain in the neck ex's to give that pain in the neck (or knee cap)

quote:

Originally posted by scoutmom:
[qb]
You ex sounds like a real dink and if Binarian will volunteer to step on his neck I would be glad to dispose of the body in the woodchipper.
[/qb]

Roadtrip!!!!

This is so disturbing. He sounds delusional and controlling. It sounds like he spends alot of time with your daughter. How scarey is that. I thought I had it bad. That just goes to show there is always someone who has worse or better than you. Be strong. Keep a journal like Don said. Try to file harassment charges. File for a temporary restraining order. At least the court will have to acknowledge his strange behavior.

Also, I wouldn't visit your daughter if it makes her cry. I was visiting my son to much when his Dad had him for a week. I decided it was more for me than him.

You sound like an awsome Mom. Tell your stupid sperm donor that at least you take your daughter to the park. Most hard working moms don't have the time or the energy after a long day. Um, I think 7 is reasonable. Here in the desert, we don't emerge from our holes until 7 - 7:30.

I forgot to add that after I had talked to him last night, my daughter and I went to the store on the way home. I got "cranky" with her when I was trying to get her to leave with me. We were quiet for a while in the car, and then I said something to her. Broke the ice. She said, "I'm glad you calmed down mommy. Every time you talk to daddy, you get cranky." Whoa. I am going to make a mental note to make sure that when he calls it does not affect my time with her. What a wake up call. I'm impressed that she recognized the connection.
Don, I talked to my lawyer today. She used your exact words, "let him keep digging his hole." She had sent his lawyer a letter stating that he should stop "harassing" me at the bus stop, and that is was not good for the child. I told her about the eating breakfast thing. I have been keeping a journal re: what happens at the bus stop, drop off or pick ups. I think thats a good idea to write down what I feed her. It seems so irritating that I have to cover every thing I do, but if I just stay patient, and play by the rules.... This morning I made her french toast sticks, and while she ate, I read her the book that she got from the school library. It was sooo nice. She leaned up against me, and we had some nice quiet time before the bus. Freak was chasing her at the bus stop, and she fell and hurt her hand. (Sarcasm) maybe I better call the state on him, huh?
alim4547. I've been to Las Vegas!! (I know, its not like I'm the first one to say that.)Her father really doesnt spend that much time with her. When he has her, she is mostly taken care of by his g/f or his mother. His enablers. He is so used to getting his way with them, that he cant understand that he doesnt control me. I dont say how high, when he says to jump. Oh well.
I want to share some thoughts I had today. Anyone who knows me, anyone who see's me at church with my daughter, tells me how good a mother I am. I took her out to a diner a few weeks ago, and this couple sat behind us. When we left they said that it was soo nice to hear she and I laughing, and that they could see a bond between us. Everyone says it but her father. He is the one who knows nothing about us together. He told me long ago, when I had taken her to Ala. for a trip, and tried to tell him some funny stories about it, that he doesnt want to know ANYTHING about my time with Sara. I've tried a few times after that to offer an olive branch, and just share funny things. He absolutely will not hear it. I guess it would ruin all his negative thoughts if he heard something positive. After all, he's put in a lot of time, and energy to prove me unfit. If he actually listened that would defeat his purpose, wouldnt it.
Anyway, I hope I am not boring anyone with going on and on about this. I hope I dont get on anyone's nerves.

I truly believe that your patience will pay off. Glad to hear that your lawyer is apparently on top of things for you with that letter.
Sounds like she already gave you a little wake up call about how she sees you react to him. Another challenge for you, but you'll do fine Yes kids are very bright and intuitive, they just don't know how to process the feelings as we do. Keep up the good work.