My Ex and I were together for a year when I got pregnant. He seemed very happy about it. Then things changed. We moved because he got a better job after that he stopped doing anything to help around the house, he was going out all the time and not helping me. We had talk many times in the beginning of my pregnancy about if things went bad (since we weren't married) what we would do. He made one thing very clear that he wouldn't be like his father and not give a shit about his kids. Well at 8 months pregnant I chose to leave because the relationship was shit and he was beginning to be emotionally and verbally abusive. Now my daughter is almost 3 months and the only time I hear from her father is when he wants to know where his stuff that I accidently took in my move home. Mind you I sent it back ages ago. He never askes about his daughter and has yet to see her. I wonder if he realizes he isn't hurting me by denying his daughter. He is hurting her. Does he realize when he uses my name and address to open accounts and rack up fees (that I get charged for) that he is hurting his child? Does he realize he is taking money and food from his child? Will he ever care about her?? I wish I could make him understand. I cry when I see children with their fathers because I feel like my daughter is being cheated. I feel like maybe I should have staid so that she could have a father. What do i do? should I feel this way??

Shannon

Chicagomom1,

You say it doesn't hurt you but as you write more, you then state, "I cry when I see children with their fathers because I feel like my daughter is being cheated. "

She is! You have every right to feel what you are feeling. But do waste any more time than you have too on this sadness, or you will be cheating her from that energy and time that could be positive and just from her to grow on.

I know you are hurting, embrace it, let it wash over you and move on. You can not control any one but your self, so try to do all the things for her that you would like to see her father do.

Your right, it is not fair, but last I check fairness rules have not been set in stone anywhere, let alone been enforced. :Confused:

But he is doing what he is setting out to do. That is hurt you. Ok, it is by going through the child, but you need to think and ask your self.

What type of values and standards does a person have to have to leave the children out from the middle and use/victimized them?

You are better off that he is not in her life!

Welcome to your new life, now come on, girl make it homey for you and yours. You can do it!

God is not called the father for nothing. Lean on him, Your doing fine.

Fustrated , yes, but your doing great!

Peace
Robin

ChicagoMom1,
I understand the pain you feel as I have felt many times myself that I made some sort of mistake for leaving my ex. I also realized though that my happiness meant more to my son and myself then being with someone that made me miserable and unhappy. My son is now seeing benefits he wasn't seeing when I was with his father and your daughter will see them too.

You are the better person for walking out if things that he was doing weren't making you happy, compromise needed to be made on both parts, obviously you had made yours but he didn't make his.

You are in control of your life now and your childs, I know it hurts to see fathers with their children or young couples happy, but in time this too shall pass, because there are other fishes in the sea, and above all else your child is the world that no one else has but you. Just remember out of the two of you, you have the best part of him a child that means the world to you!

I, too, understand that pain. Sometimes when we're walking around in a public place and I see all kinds of families walking around I choke back the feeling that we're somehow "less" of a family because there is just she and I. When I realize it, though, I think about the things that she *does* have... a mom who adores her, grandparents who would do anything for her, a cousin her age to play with, good friends, and an excellent day care full of people who love her. Someday, maybe she'll have a stepfather who adores her, too, but even if that never happens, she is very, very lucky to have an extended family who loves her.

I am also fortunate enough to be in a decent enough financial position to be able to give her many material things, and we're looking into buying a house, but these things are secondary when compared with emotional support and the feeling of truly belonging to a family. She truly belongs in ours.