Falling in and out of love with your mate, ex-mate?

I was talking talking to my husband tonight and I told him that I'm just sick of this petty selfish behavior he's pulling on us and that I just want my family back together. That his behavior is hurting me, hurting his daughters and in the long run hurting himself.

In the same breath, I find myself over that past week being in love with the man, to wanting to kick him in the you know what, to wanting to throw up to laughing and just talking like long lost friends.

He said something to me tonight that floored me and I corrected him and I floored him right back.

He said that we just went our seperate ways. I said no, we just grew apart and by your behavior, you have made us seperate.

We haven't gone our seperate ways, we just ventured off the path we were on together. I did everything the Army told me to do and it wasn't the right stuff you wanted and you never communicated to me, so what else do you want me to do?

Yeah, he was quiet after that.

So, what is it with me. I love him, I love him not, I love him, I want to kick his face in, I like him, I wanna puke at the sound of his voice...

I think it's pretty normal to have these feelings. I just don't think that we shut off the love we feel so easily, yet we also have the other feelings of going on at the same time. We're only human, we can't just instantly shut down our emotions.
That's also why when this sort of thing is going on it's best to step back a little bit and try not to make too many hasty decisions. Try to base decisions on the overall picture, not what you happen to be feeling at any one point in time.
Have you tried couple's counseling at all?

Yes, your feelings do sound normal. When it comes down to it, it's up to you if you want to put the time and energy to make things work. He has to be willing to make things work too, it can't be all on you. If you need more advice feel free to contact the toll free helpline I work for at 1-877-237-6684 or join the chat www.esoothe.org/chat

I find myself falling in and out of love with my ex-boyfriend all the time. When he's trying, he can be wonderful. Unfortunately, he doesn't try often and that's the problem.
You can only give so much, and I think you have to weigh in on how happy you are. If you're miserable most of the time, it's just not worth it. But if it's the other way around I think it's possible to build on that. It's normal to argue, I suppose, not so much to be chronically unhappy.

Yes. I have felt this way, but ultimately I knew in my heart that it would never work. I still loved my exhusband and exfiance...but was not IN LOVE with them. Too many things pushed the "in love" feelings out the door. I don't want to get back together with either one, but I do find myself playing the "what if" game. My exfiance still begs me to get back together with him on a daily basis. On my really lonely days, I'm tempted to say yes...but then I snap out of it and realize that I like myself a lot more when I'm not with him.

...So, what I'm trying to get at is, yes, this kind of thinking is normal.

I have felt that way too. I have been seperated I preferrer divorced but legaly not yet. It has been one year. I think you can love someone that does not mean that is what you need, that does not mean that is what you deserve. That does not mean that they are good for you. It is so hard to let let go and move on. That does not mean you need to do it. Only you can answer that, and only you know the true answer deep down inidse. of course we can lie to ourself god knows I did it for I don't know how long. But bottom line is you know what is good for you and you know what is TOXIX to you. We can all offer you suggestions and advice but bottom line is you are the one that needs to listen to the little voice down in the pit of your somache and do whats right for you.

quote:

Originally posted by Don:

Have you tried couple's counseling at all?

He won't do counseling with me. Doesn't want to, sees no hope in it. He is the same man who was diagnosed with PTSD, depression and anxiety from his tours in Iraq and walked out on the dr when he (the dr.) suggested medication. His medication was Dr. Jack Daniels for about 7-8 months. He says meds are for the weak and he can handle it in his own way.


Numerous times, when we talk about this and he says that, I ask him, losing your family is your way of handling things huh, so, hows your way working for you?


Nevermind, I'm on low dose meds for anxiety, so I wonder, does he think I'm weak? HAHAHA, he wonders why I'm anxious...hum...I WONDER?!?!?!