Background: I have a 15month old daughter, her father and I have not lived together since she was 2months. We had an on/off again relationship up until July. We are currently in the process of coming up with a legal agreement for support and visitation. My problem, i can't get out of the "I wish" stage, I live in the what if I had done this, what if i had did that, maybe he would love me. I replay scenario's over and over in my head, it is starting to affect me. Focusing on my daughter is great, but it also reminds me, that I have no one to share her life with. I find myself making up excuses to send him emails, just to feel connected. I have trouble dealing with the fact that this is not how i wanted my life to go. I exercise, i journal, i take walks, i try to keep busy, but i still think of him.

hey, your post is similar to mine, i think mine is below yours, check it out, i have the same exact thing going on, word for word, except for the getting back. If you want we can talk and try to support eachother, I would love to talk to someone who can relate to me! you can send me a message on myspace and give me your contact info/myspace info if you like! thats my son's site, i have OLDER blogs on my situation and how i feel etc, if you would like to read them feel free to. theyre my very first blogs and what got me to start my son's page...its my way of venting and have people support me on what i should,shouldn't do and all that jazz.

myspace.com/gavin2006

I feel your pain. All I know, is that when I truly look back at a past relationship, honestly, I know that it ended for a reason. I tend to look back and remember the good things; not the rest of the "stuff".
Someone told me to always look forward, never back.
Good luck to you and your daughter!

I am new to this website and your posting stood out. I can relate completely. I have a son the same age as your daughter and his dad and I are going thru a very difficult divorce. We also tried to work it out but could never get on the same page. I also replay scenarios in my head and wonder what could have been or might have been had I tried harder or did something more. However, I have come to find comfort in reading books about divorce and new beginnings. Also there is a great book on healing hurtful relationships that teach you how to let go, forgive and move on. I don't know much about your situation surrounding your divorce but I can tell you that most of the insecurities within ourselves cause those feelings. Usually they are from something in our environment when we were little. The best thing I have found to help me get thru those stages is to refocus my thoughts either thru distraction or writing an ongoing letter to my soon to be ex that expresses my feelings. It really works and allows you to go back and read it later when you start feeling bad. Write from the heart and be painfully honest it is very good for you and it helps you move forward. Just think of all the other individuals out there that are going thru the same thing. I know it sounds stupid but you are the only person that can control your feelings. Just try to replace the sad thoughts with thoughts of why it is good that this happened to you, think of the positive. I know it is hard, I have my good and bad days but it will pass. Just remember that.