In recent post if you read them, I was with my ex for 13years been apart 3 years now and have a 5yr old son together. I left because he was an abusive and an alcoholic. We have been communicating really good for the past 6 months. He sees my son eveyother weekend and is living with his 22 yr old girlfriend, he is 38. I have been really trying to accept this girl in my sons life but I had expressed concerns when my son told me that he called her mommy when he went there and when i confronted my ex he told me it wasnt true. Then i found out she took him to IHOP alone "daddy stayed home to sleep" he said that she said it was ok to call her mommy. I also found out she was a potential pot smoker and legally married to someone else. I was at this point fed up. I told my ex we needed to meet to talk about something and he said ok. I thought if we went to a public setting there would be no yelling or fighting. We have been getting along really good when it comes to my son so i was trying to keep this civil even though i was pist. When he arrived I started to tell him my concerns but clearly he was upset about something else. He then told me his doctor got some tests back and thinks he may have severe liver damage. My ex had been sick alot latley so he went in. They think he has a genetic disease that causes severe liver damage as an adult. Combined with him being an alcoholic it speeds up the damag to your liver. So he broke down crying in the restaurant and I wasnt sure what to think or feel as I sat there and watched him. It was the most awkward, scary moment of my life. I thought to myself it must be bad for him to be crying in front of me at the restaurant and to be this upset. I then broke down right along with him. I couldnt help it. My feelings were all over the place. I felt bad for him, and for my son if he lost his dad. I still care about him very much so i held his hand across the table and said everything was going to be ok. Told him not to panic till he goes in for the rest of his test, which he is still waiting for. (my son could potentially have this too as its passed genetically, but wont affect him till he is an adult) When we were leaving,I gave him a hug. Even though I know he will never forgive me for leaving him, he was the love of my life. Now I am having all of these feelings of worry for him and I am sad that I am not the one who is there for him, when I have been most of my life. Its weird. Not sure how to feel. Anyways a week later we then talked about his girlfriend and he said he had a talk with her, that she knows she will never be the kids mother, etc. He said he will never let her drive the kids around again. (when I say kids, he has another 7yr old son from a previous relationship when we were "on a break") and yes i still took him back. He denied she did drugs of course and he downplayed thier relationship stating that she is there to cook and clean and help him pay rent. She cant have children, and she accepts his baggage so to speak. this is how HE described it. He told me I should go to lunch with her and get to know her if it would make me feel better, but why should i waste my time getting to know this person when he doesnt even know if she will be around much longer, or at least thats how he puts it. I asked him if he saw himself with her in 5 yrs when she is 27 and he is in his mid 40's and he said probably not, and that he also felt uneasy about the age difference. If he isnt sure about her, then why is he getting my child attached to this person.

Then he hits me a few days later about child support ?'s. We have a court ordered amount but i know he doesnt think its fair. At our final court date, he was ordered to pay out of our house proceedings one year of child support in advance because he wasnt paying me for 21/2 years. He will have to start paying again in May, So now he is asks me if we can just split everything for my son down the middle, tuition, clothing, etc. Ok I have my son 85% of the time, He makes way more than I do he is actually living with 2 roomates helping him pay rent, his guy friend and his girlfriend and he just bought a brand new $40,000 truck, and took his girlfriend on a cruise for a week. I dont exactly see him struggling to make ends meet. I ignored his email for the sake of me going off on him. I have no intention of agreeing to this but I am trying to be sensitive so I wont piss him off. I am afraid of losing the communication we have about our son, so when he goes to his house i feel somewhat better as he tells me about what goes on. Is he making nice and downplaying his relationship to get me to agree to his child support request. Can anyone give me any feedback or thier thoughts on this situation. Sorry to be so long winded. I am confused and maybe cant really see whats going on because, i am in the middle of this. Thanks in advance!

reading this I feel so sorry for you. Bad enough being a single parent- hard at times- but then to be so confused at that smae time. Just remember what your ex was like and why you divorced him. Maybe this behavoir of his, will make alittle more sense to you. If my ex was to break down and cry and be nice to me all of a sudden- Rembering waht he was liek when we were married- I would clearly know he was manipulating the situation to look better, to get info from me or to get me to feel sorry for him and agree to his child support request- to better himself- not me.

Just be careful and don;t fall into any traps ( not knowing you and your situation) maybe everything is sincere and there are no traps- but just be cautious.

mpbmom, the only thing I have learned from being divorced for 3+ years now is ... keep it like a business. If you had a good relationship with your ex, I wouldn't say this... but when you have an abusive, alcholic ex ... you can't be friends... at least it never worked for me.

The only reason I talk to my ex is about the kids ... otherwise, I don't want to know anything about his life ... it always leads somewhere I don't want to go.

Good luck!

Thanks for the feedback. Inni, I think you are absolutley right. I have been really trying to distance myself since this incident and just talking only about our son. He then always trys to find ways to pull me back in. This morning he emailed me photos of him and his buddy fishing over the weekend with a picture of his new boat! He doesnt want to pay his child support but can afford a new boat! I didnt respond and won't. Im just going ahead with the child support order as its written. If he doesnt want to pay it then I will have CS services deal with him, which I know he doesnt want to have happen. I dont understand why he does these things! Its like he wants to show off to me this great lifestyle he has but then wants to cry poor me about having to pay two child supports. Why do men do this! Any men want to give feedback, feel free!
thanks
mpbmom

I think you should take him up on his offer of you and his gf having lunch. I bet it would freak him out. LOL Anyway, I think it's important for you to meet someone who is in your child's life, for 2 weeks or two years...