I have just come to the conclusion today, after a while of it sinking in, that the sperm donors girlfriends seems to be at the heart of all the problems between he and I today.
I found out in a round about way, that she came up with the accusation of my father being sexually abusive to my daughter. (Of course, sperm donor wanted to believe her. He is so weak, I know he cant think up these things himself.) A few weeks ago, she gave me the finger, and mouthed "f--k you" to me when I tried to tell her if she ever wanted to know the truth, just ask.
Today, I find out it is she who used permanent marker on my daughters school back pack to black out my daughters name. (It is my property, she did not buy it) For what reason, I dont know. She is also telling my daughter that mommy is "wrong" about things I say. I couldnt get it out of my daughter what exactly I said that g/f thought was "wrong". Who is she? She is not my daughters mother. Maybe she is jealous that I had a baby with the sperm donor and she didnt? Maybe because she wanted a daughter, and has a son, she thinks because she is the g/f she can just take over? If that is so, he lets her do it. I know he doesnt make decisions on his own, someone always influences him. Maybe he let her do so, so much that she thinks she is boss now? She is trying to alienate me from my daughter, and it is not working. My daughter knows who her mom is, and is getting very confused by all of this. If it were me in her situation, I'd be using kid gloves. I'd be wanting to meet with the mom of my s/o and find out what is important, and try to work to make a peaceful situation out of it all. The g/f has a son, I would think she'd understand that.
But no. She is actually making things worse. Well, I think I might call the state on her for this. Something has to be done. I dont know if its right or wrong that I do this, but after what my daughter told me tonight, that she blacked out her name on my daughters school back pack, I'm like, "Who does she think she is?" Madness. Then again she is with the sperm donor who is mad as it is. I remember one of is e-mail names had "madness" in it, and its starting to make sense now. The way I see it, she had her chance to raise her child, I never gave her permission to try and raise mine. Especially when I am here doing it. There is no communication between the s/d and I, so there are different rules at our houses. Rules at his house are made by g/f. Get out of the picture woman. Something has to be done.

Certainly call the state. Call your attorney. Call anyone who will listen. And if they don't, call them again. And again. And again... From what I see, this is nothing short of emotional abuse directed toward your daughter. I wouldn't allow her to be in the situation. Tell the sperm donor that as long as that woman is in the picture abusing your child, your child is not allowed over there. Of course, I don't know all of the specifics of your court ordered visitaion or anything like that, if there is any... If the court has given him visitation rights, then take him back to court. Be careful not to make it an attack on him (you want your daughter to have her father...even if you don't, it'll just make it less of a battle and make you look like the better person) or on his relationship (You certainly don't give a d*** who he dates!), but an attack on the way your daughter is treated. And you won't tolerate this treatment.

I would make the phone call .Alex hit the nail on the head.good luck Gail

I dont know if I want to go there yet. I want to talk to my lawyer first, and also address it in the upcoming, court ordered mediation, and see where that brings us. If it continues after that, then I will definatley make the call. I dont want to be like him, and make superficial calls, when there are kids out there that actually need the attention from the state. I see it like a false alarm called into the fire dept.

I understand where you are coming from.Hope you can sort this out with lawyers.My daughter finally decided to go to her dads for the night.I worry but i am also enjoying the break.

I hear you. As much as I love my daughter, one thing has to be said about joint custody, time alone...